, Author at Paul Duxbury

Don’t Keep Comparing Ourselves with Others

It’s all too easy to slip into the habit of comparing ourselves with others. When we are going for Job Interviews or just in life generally we have a tendency to do that don’t we?

If that is something that you find yourself routinely doing then perhaps it is time to stop! You are different from everyone else. Celebrate that. You offer a unique perspective and set of experiences in life. We should all be thanking you. If you are constantly comparing yourself, it means you aren’t happy with who you are. Why is that?

Comparing Ourselves with Others

Many people are brought up to conform to society we are almost taught that comparing ourselves to others is the right thing to do. They are told that if you don’t fit within society’s norms, you will be looked upon disapprovingly. However, most people aren’t “normal” in the truest sense of the word. All of us have quirks and idiosyncrasies. It’s these differences that make us who we are and allow us to find solutions to problems. It also keeps us from getting bored. Imagine if everyone were truly the same. There would be nothing new to discover about one another.

There are some reasons to conform. For instance, you need to follow the rules and laws of your country and community. Otherwise, you will suffer consequences for not doing so. Also, you want to treat others with respect so that they will hopefully return that respect. However, if you try to act in ways in which others believe you should, you aren’t going to live your life to the fullest.

That’s why we should get out of the habit of comparing ourselves with others. When you do this, you are likely setting unrealistic expectations and these will lead you to be disappointed. Comparing yourself to others will result in you resenting those people. They have their reasons for being the way they are, and it has nothing to do with you.

There are qualities you admire in others. There is nothing wrong with trying to adopt some of those admirable qualities for yourself. However, it shouldn’t get to the point where we are constantly comparing ourselves with others and find we are trying to redefine who you are to be like those people you admire. You aren’t them, and you never will be.

Why We Should Stop Comparing Ourselves with Others

If you spend most of your time trying to be like someone else, you are in for a rough ride. If you stick to who you are and find others willing to accept you for that, you are going to be more satisfied for most of that time you live. Others will be happier with the real you as well. You won’t be a pretender. People see right through that kind of behaviour. Just think about others who are not true to themselves. How long does it take you to see through that disguise?

Celebrate Your Achievements

Do you take time to celebrate your achievements? I know that I tend to be quite a reflective person and like many others I tend to incline towards reflecting on what could have gone differently or better. It’s all too easy for us to default to reflect on those things we can learn most from and that tends to be the things which could have gone better. However, we need to make time to also reflect and celebrate our achievements.

This can be especially helpful at a time when you are looking to secure a new job because it brings to front of mind those things you have done which have made a difference. You can then ensure that you weave these into your answers at interview as examples of what you have achieved.

When we sit back and look at things, as I encouraged you to do with the post around Personal Skills Mindmapping, we soon realise that we have achieved things in our life and work.

Do You Celebrate Your Achievements?

You should celebrate your achievements. Many people don’t. They marginalise their achievements. If you do this, you need to stop. It can set up barriers to achieving more. Learn how to break those barriers by recognizing and appreciating your own achievements.

Why shouldn’t you celebrate your own lifetime achievement?
It’s a big deal for anyone in Hollywood to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award. They celebrate it as an event, publicize it, and film it for all to see. Just because you aren’t famous, doesn’t mean you haven’t accomplished anything. Be proud of what you have accomplished.
The next time someone recognizes an achievement of yours, don’t pass it off as no big deal.
Thank them, and consider yourself lucky that someone noticed. Also, write down the event any time it happens. This will show you that your achievements are worth it.
Appreciate the achievements of others.
One way to get people to recognize your achievements is to congratulate them on theirs. Be genuine in your praise. If you are just doing it to try and win points, this will be seen as shallow, and people will know you are not
If you are feeling a bit light on the achievement scale, try to figure out why that is.
It could be that you need to define your goals more concretely. Start with high-level goals and break them down into tasks and sub-goals.
One achievement that people overlook is helping others.
This doesn’t have to be through volunteering. It can be helping a neighbor or somebody at work. You can choose to volunteer as well. When you help others achieve something, that is an achievement as well. It feels great knowing that you made a difference in someone else’s life.
Read about the achievements of others.
The reason why biographies of successful people continue to be published is that they help people learn the circumstances of these successful people. You can see that they were just like everyone else. It’s the classic, if they can do it so can you. Try to read several books per month, consistently. Also, read people who you admire as well as people who you find controversial. It’s good to get perspectives on different people to help you keep an open mind.
You want to appreciate your achievements. But, at the same time, you don’t want to rest on your laurels.
You always have more to achieve, so make sure that you appreciate what you have done, but understand there is more.

3 Actionable Next Steps To Celebrate Your Achievements

Write down all your achievements that you can remember. Try to think back as far as you can. Don’t limit yourself. If you had achievements in school or college, put those down as well.

This action will help show you everything you have achieved. It will give you confidence in your ability to accomplish anything you set your mind to.

Create a blog about your achievements. First, it will get you to write about them and how you got to where you are. Second, you never know who you may inspire by describing your experiences.

When your blog becomes popular, it will motivate you to achieve more because you want to keep your editorial calendar as full as possible.

Align your daily to-do lists with your overall goals.

If you don’t have higher-level goals defined, start with these. To-do lists are good tools unless you are not performing the right tasks.

High-level goals will help you determine what you need to be doing on your to-do lists.

Personal Skills Mindmapping Exercise

Before you do this mindmapping exercise please watch the Personal Skills Mind Map video below to get started…

The idea is to focus on all of your skills and talents and then dwell on all of the benefits and advantages that these skills bring you in life, business, etc.

This can be a great technique if you need a confidence boost or to raise your energy/spirits.

Set a 15-20 minute timer so you can do this quickly with as much focus as possible.

You will spend the whole time concentrating on your personal skills, natural talents, etc.

For each skill you uncover, you are going to acknowledge all of the advantages and benefits of having these skills.

This brainstorming session will help you mind dwell on your strengths and create a boost of confidence for your day!

Do this for yourself when you need a “pick me up”.

You might also want to try this with colleagues, friends or family as well. It can be a great collaborative exercise!

How Meditation Helps You to Deal with Stress

Many people have stressful lives today. But, some people seem to deal with the stresses of life better than others. What is their secret? It might be meditation. Medication has been scientifically proven to be helpful for dealing with stress.

Here is how meditation can help. It certainly will not hurt you to give it a try.

Provides Quiet Time to Reset – Everyone needs some quiet time where they’re unplugged from not just technology but from all the things that cause some form of stress (even good stress) during the day. When you meditate, you essentially “unplug” from all of that and give your mind time to reset and be calmer.

Increases Your Mental Resources – Studies show that regular meditation helps you think more clearly and become more creative. That’s because meditation is sort of like cleaning your hard drive on your computer, giving you more space for better things and less space for the stressful things.

You’ll Become More Capable – When you have a powerful tool to help you deal with stress, you will suddenly become much more capable of handling stress. That reset period allows you to deal better with stress when it comes to you than when you have no tool to help you.

You’ll Increase Your Focus and Clarity – When you have a way to let go of circular thoughts that cause stress, you’ll be able to better focus on any problem or issue with clarity and purpose. In fact, you can have a meditation session almost any time once you are accustomed to doing it.

You’ll Have a Method to Handle Sudden Stress – If something happens at any point during the day that causes you stress, the fact that you’ve developed a meditation practice will come in handy. It’s not that you must meditate each time you’re stressed; it’s that the ability to become mindful and in the present will serve to help you deal with stress as it’s happening.

You’ll Have Less Anxiety and Depression – Studies show that like deep prayer, regular meditation changes your brain chemistry so that you will have less anxiety and depression overall. It doesn’t mean you’ll be rid of it completely, but you will have less.

You’ll Be Able to Sleep Better – Most people who practice meditation also tend to fall asleep more easily and faster. You can make it a habit to meditate twice a day; once to promote energy and once to promote sleep. In the evening before you’re ready for bed, do five to 15 minutes of meditation to help you wind down for the day.

You’ll Reduce Your Stress Hormones – The stress hormone cortisol has been shown to be reduced through regular meditation. Too much cortisol can interfere with good sleep, cause daily anxiety, and even cause you to gain weight around the belly – risking your heart health. Anything that will reduce your cortisol levels is good for you.

You may not be able to get rid of the things that stress you. But, you can learn to deal with the stress better by learning safe meditation practices and techniques.

Aligning Your Purpose and Career – Questions To Ask Yourself

In terms of your career have you considered how it aligns with your purpose in life? Do you know how to find your purpose? If you posed that question to people around you, I suspect that the majority would likely answer no. It’s because there is a world of possibilities. People are often afraid to try something new out of fear of the unknown or because it is all too easy to settle for the here and now. They often don’t know how to go about looking for what they should be doing.

If you want to find your “Purpose” then you need first to ask yourself if what you are doing now is satisfying. Put aside the bills and your salary slip for a moment. Do you get a buzz out of getting up every morning to go to work? How do you feel on Sunday evenings, assuming you start up work on Mondays? Do you dread having to get up in the morning on Monday, or does it excite you?

Another problem is you may feel stuck doing something in which you don’t believe. Suppose you work for a company that isn’t living out its values or pays lip service to them. It pays well, or it is safe and comfortable and that is why you stick with it. You even like many of the people who work there. You need to ask yourself if you can continue to work in an environment which doesn’t fit well with you.

You will also need to ask yourself what will it take to make changes to get out of your current situation and into something you enjoy. It may require going back to college or perhaps undertaking some online training. Luckily, nowadays with the explosion of learning opportunities online there are many options available, and many of them are cheap or free.

If you find that the path is well laid out, ask yourself are you’re willing to put in the time and make an effort? If not, you haven’t truly found your purpose. You either need to continue what you are doing or find another path. Keep reflecting, challenging yourself until you reach a point where you are willing to put in the effort.

Your Career and Purpose Don’t Necessarily Mean The Same Thing!

You should keep in mind that your career is not necessarily your purpose in life. It may be a part of it, but for many people, there is a need to look a lot deeper. For instance, you may love helping others out and feel that is your purpose. If your current career doesn’t focus on helping people, this can help you determine where to look to make changes. Try to find organizations where you can make a difference.

If you go this route, you will align what you want to do for your career with what you feel is your purpose. That will make your new career choice fulfilling. It can give you a reason to want to get up to go to work, which is fantastic.

When you focus on aligning your career and your purpose together, the decisions needed to establish your new path becomes much more natural. Yes, you could of course randomly pick a way forward. However, it’s more likely you will succeed when you fit your career with who you are or who you want to become.