, Author at Paul Duxbury

Ready, Steady, Go! Becoming Personally Empowered

In my earlier post I looked at What Is Personal Empowerment? and asked you to evaluate where you are right now. Once you have evaluated yourself honestly, without being arrogant or hypercritical, you will have two lists: what you do well, and what you wish you could do better. Next, tackle each item on your list, one by one.

Personal empowerment may sound selfish, like it is all about you. However, the truth is that making yourself into a better person, the person you truly wish to be, extends benefits outwards – like a stone being thrown in a pond and the effect rippling outwards. By looking inward, you can improve your relationships at home, work and so on. You will feel less trapped and more in control of your own life.

You will be able to deal with problems more easily and set and achieve goals. These might be personal ones, or career-related ones. No matter which, you are more likely to be a better friend, spouse, parent, work colleague and so on if you feel empowered, not a helpless victim of circumstances.

You will work better as a team, and thanks to your opportunities for personal growth, you will achieve a new sense of fulfillment. Just think how liberating it will be to get rid of the nagging feeling of discontent that might be harming your career and personal relationships.

But before you start getting too enthusiastic about the idea of personal empowerment and development, it is important to realize that the process will not always be an easy and comfortable one. The goals you set may be harder than you think. Looking inward may bring up a range of issues you might have been burying for years.

Personal empowerment will involve making some changes to your life, which is not always an easy process. The degree of change required will differ from person to person, depending on the individual starting point and goal. You will also have to watch out for self-sabotage, and sabotage from others.

Dealing with Self-Sabotage and Sabotage from Others

Neither you nor they might even realize your efforts are being sabotaged, because change can be very stressful and intimidating for yourself and others. Let’s look at the example of weight loss, which many people need to deal with these days, and the ways you might sabotage yourself or be sabotaged by others – either consciously or unconsciously.

On the one hand, you would like to look great in your clothes, happy, healthy and fit. On the other hand, it might be easier to stay the way you are than to make a lot of changes and then have to deal with being more “visible” and “attractive,” especially if you are a shy person.

In relation to your family and friends, they might secretly feel jealous of your better body. Family members also tend to pigeon-hole us into certain categories and behaviors. You might be the “fat” one, or the one with “the big appetite.” At family gatherings, well-meaning relatives might encourage you to eat more: “Go on, have a little.”

They might even fill up your plate, putting you in an awkward position because you don’t want to overeat, but you also don’t want to be rude to your hosts.

Predicting trouble spots and learning strategies to cope with these kinds of situations will be an important part of personal empowerment. Setting boundaries and sticking to them as needed, or letting them relax a little, can keep you on target with your goals. They can also help you build on the foundation of your accomplishments. Just because you eat one small piece of candy does not mean your entire diet is ruined and you should just give up and go back to the way you used to eat.

Self-awareness, setting values and sticking to those values, or adjusting them as needed, are all part of personal empowerment and development. So too will be gaining the skills you need to succeed in your endeavors.

Do You Ever Feel Like An Imposter?

I have seen a lot of articles and commentary of late on the subject of impostor syndrome and have been taking a look at it and thought that I would share some ideas around it.

If you have not come across the terms before let me firstly explain what it is! Do you ever find yourself feeling that you don’t really deserve credit for your achievements? You may have worked hard to achieve a goal in your life. You may be known as the “go to” person at work or away from work when achieving results matter. However, you have this deep rooted feeling of being a fake or impostor, and you find yourself constantly suffering the unrealistic fear that you will be “found out”, with dire consequences ensuing and your world will fall down around you?

This is what has come to be known as impostor or imposter syndrome and is also referred to as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome. The term was developed by psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes. In their research they noticed that a significant number of high-achieving individuals would not give themselves credit for their achievements.

People who struggle with this have a persistent fear that one day they will be exposed to the world as a fraud, faker and impostor, when in almost every situation they worked for their achievements. If you find that you have a hard time giving yourself credit for the things you have achieved, then one or more of the following ideas may help you be more confident in your achievements.

Keep a Success File

Record every occasion where you helped someone succeed. Write down all of your successes, testimonials and achievements. Refer to them whenever you feel like a fraud.

Be Honest With Yourself

Sometimes spelling it out, calling your behaviour what it is, is all you need to get past it.

Failing Doesn’t Make You a Fake

The greatest achievements have come on the heels of failure. Failing or making a mistake does not make you a fraud or impostor.

You Have Something Important to Give to the World

When you feel like a fraud or impostor, you pull back and don’t try as hard. This is unfair to the world, which needs your unique presence and abilities.

Ask yourself this question. Do you want to lie on your deathbed, regretting things you did not do or attempt in your life? Believing that you are a fraud or fake can cause you to take less chances, which can lead to regret.

Someone once told me that the biggest challenge we face is that all of us at some point are simply trying to get through this thing called life, and at times we all find that we really don’t know what we’re doing. We just do our best and are always learning.

What Is Personal Empowerment?

We’ve all heard the word empowerment, but what does it really mean? Personal empowerment is about looking at who you are at the present time and becoming more aware of yourself.

The goal is to appreciate yourself and try to become your best self and live your best life. It is about taking stock of your good points and the areas in which you would like to improve. It is about goal setting in relation to the areas in which you would like to do better, and following through with those goals through practical action steps.

There are four main areas in which a person will usually seek to empower themselves:

Physical
Mental
Emotional
Spiritual

Over the next few posts I will be looking at each of these in turn, and offering easy ways to empower yourself.

But first, let’s look at some of the main principles behind personal empowerment.

Starting On The Path to Personal Empowerment

Personal empowerment involves developing the confidence and strength to set realistic goals and fulfill your potential. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and a range of skills that they use in everyday situations. However, many people remain unaware of, or undervalue, their true abilities and sell themselves short. They hold themselves back from leading their best life, or feel stuck – as if they have no control over what is happening to them.

Personal empowerment is all about overcoming obstacles and taking control of your life through positive action steps. The first step is developing self-awareness, an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. You can maximize the one, and minimize the other once you know how.

Personal empowerment and personal development are intertwined. For example, if you know you are disorganized, once you admit that fact, your logical next step will be to learn how to become better organized. Once you have set this goal, it will be time to follow through. Action steps to take might include:

Taking a course
Getting a coach
Hiring a helper
Getting an intern
Using organizational tools:
- Calendar
- Jotter
- Day planner
Buying organisational items:
- A filing cabinet
- File folders
- Archive boxes

…and so on.

It will also include setting and following through with a new routine, such as 15 minutes at the start and end of each day for organizing everything you will need in the morning, and tidying your desk at the end of each day.

If you are struggling with self-confidence, there are also a number of action steps you can take, though they will not be as physical, concrete and obvious as buying organisational items and turning your dustbin of a desk into a model of neatness.

Yet there are several steps to better self-confidence that have been proven to work. These include:

Maintaining a good appearance
Engaging in positive self-talk
Ignoring negative self-talk
Not taking what people say as criticism
Not taking criticism too much to heart
Putting yourself in situations that challenge you, such as public speaking
Learning from your mistakes
Not comparing yourself to others all the time and thinking you are falling short

…and so on.

In the next post I will take a look at how we set our goals to enable us to move forward and become empowered individuals.

Painting Yourself in a Positive Light

The topic of personal presentation is one that has come up in a number of articles of late and is also a question which several people have asked me about – especially those who like me are currently looking for a new role. For me it is about much more than just wearing the right clothes and goes much deeper which is why I want to take a look at it in some more detail.

You’re probably familiar with the phrase, “painting yourself in a positive light.” If not, this particular saying has a great deal to do with the task of presenting yourself to others in an upbeat fashion. You’ll find it to be extremely important, especially in a business setting.

There’s no way around it. The way you act around people definitely influences how they feel about you. To be polite, when negative feelings are involved, some individuals choose to keep their opinions to themselves. This is acceptable, because they are well within their rights to do so. Unfortunately, others won’t hesitate to tell you what they REALLY think about you. Sometimes, it’s a vicious world out there! You need to be prepared.

In addition, there’s the possibility of the uncomfortable issue of rumors and gossip. Once one or the other gets started, it typically spreads like wildfire with no end in sight. Presenting yourself in a positive way helps to reduce the chances of these problems popping up.

The good news is this. It’s entirely possible to change a person’s first impression of you, simply by altering your personal presentation. This won’t work 100 percent of the time, of course, because nothing is guaranteed. However, you’ll no doubt see a change for the better the vast majority of the time.

Your Level of Self-Esteem

Your level of self-esteem is vital when it comes to how the public views you, in all kinds of situations. It’s important to remember that self-esteem requirements aren’t static. In other words, different scenarios demand varying levels of this much-needed attribute. Underlying personal stress (if any) and the specific audience you interact with both play a role in the outcome of the day’s presentation. No two will ever be the same.

If you feel as though you have low self-esteem, you’re certainly not alone. Millions of individuals share the same opinion of themselves. The good news is this: it IS possible to raise your self-esteem. Here are a few suggestions.

Self-worth has little to do with a person’s abilities or talent. Don’t be afraid to frequently remind yourself about all of the things you excel at. Better yet, do something that you’re good at, something that holds your attention. This allows you to relax and to feel more competent about things to come.
As surprising as it may seem, low self-esteem is often the result of thinking about yourself too much. Finding something else to focus on when you’re feeling a bit down, just might be all it takes to put you in the kind of cheery mood audiences appreciate.
Learn relaxation techniques. Relaxing magically makes your brain less emotional. Consider taking up meditation or self-hypnosis. If you want to try something a bit more strenuous, tai chi is a great option. Devoting as little as an hour a day to relaxation can really make a difference.
Don’t fall prey to the comparison trap. You’re not doing yourself any favors when that happens. There’s always going to be someone else who has more than you. Focus on you and any recent accomplishments you’ve made instead.
Promote kindness; it’s guaranteed to boost your self-esteem. It doesn’t have to be a huge gesture in order for you to feel the boost. Holding the door for someone, paying for a stranger’s cup of coffee, or taking a minute to encourage a friend are just three of many ways to make kindness matter.
Everyone occasionally makes mistakes. When it happens to you, try to handle the situation in a positive way. Do your best to find the upside of your dilemma. Many times, the repercussions of making a mistake are not as bad as you envision them to be.
Transform your home into a personal oasis. Fill it with your favorite things… music, books, candles… all of the things that relax you and shut out all of the hastiness of the day.

Just to be clear, never confuse self-esteem with confidence. Both are extremely important. But, they are two different things.

Techniques to Use as Part of Your Reflection

There are a techniques to use as a part of your reflective practice, but the best choices to start with will be the easiest, so you can get started quickly and make it a part of your daily life. As you get into the habit of reflective practice, you can then spot patterns and use the techniques to start to dig deeper if you need to.

The three main steps in reflective practice are:

Reflection
Understanding
Action

…so the techniques you use should help support these goals. In addition, your choice will be determined by whether the reflective practice is to be conducted individually or in a group, such as within your business team or a social group who want to learn how to work better together in order to improve their skills and results.

Journaling

A written journal, notes or a diary can all keep you focused on the process of reflective practice. For each event you wish to examine, answer the following questions:

What happened? (Be factual)
What you were thinking and feeling? (Explore your emotions)
What was good and bad about the experience? (Evaluate)
What sense can you make of the experience? (Analyse)
What else could you have done? (Draw conclusions)
If a similar situation arose again what would you do? (Set goals and create an action plan)

This can be done individually or as a team, depending on the event and your group’s willingness to try this method to improve their results.

Brainstorming

If you don’t have time for a lot of writing, try brainstorming and creative imagery, such as mind-mapping, sketches, pictures and diagrams that show cause, effect, and outcomes – including possible different outcomes your and/or your group might wish to work towards.

Reflective Dialogue and Discussion

This can also work well for groups. If you feel “stuck” in your life, you might also discuss what happened with your partner, a trusted colleague, or with a mentor, coach or professional – either face-to-face or by phone or email.

Social Media

You might have a private blog or closed group at a site like Facebook. You might also decide to have broader discussions with your Personal Learning Network (#PLN) on Twitter, at chat boards, online communities, the Intranet at work, and so on.

Now that we’ve covered a range of techniques to use as a part of your reflective practice, choose the ones that will work best for each situation you and/or your team want to reflect upon, and see what a difference they can make.