Learning and Development Archives - Page 24 of 36

What Defines a Leader?

I have been having a number of discussions of late on the topic of leadership which has made me reflect on some of the basics. What is it that defines a Leader today?

Being a good leader is about more than being a manager. It has nothing to do with your seniority level, your title, or being “blessed” with a leadership personality. Leadership is all about focusing on success, with each person in your company or team inspired by your example and willing to follow your lead.

Some people may appear to be born leaders, but the truth is that it can be learned. Attitude is often everything. If you think you can, you will. If you show you care about others, they will care about you and their job, or the task at hand.

These days there are all sorts of leaders, from the heads of corporations to community and church groups to online, with “thought leaders” in various niches and industries, and “trend leaders” who are seen to be worth paying attention to. No one had ever heard of Arianna Huffington until she launched her blog, and even then, it took her some time to become a thought leader to the extent that she was able to sell her company AND be offered a C-level position within it by the new owners.

As you can see, a leader possesses certain qualities which enable them to lead, such as influence and effectiveness. They may lead alone, or be part of a group, with the responsibility for making decisions on behalf of others. Leaders provide guidance and direction. It is not just about command, control and power, but effectiveness and persuasiveness as well.

Whether you think that leaders are born or made, or a bit of both, there are several characteristics that many powerful leaders tend to have in common, and which seem to be lacking in those who are less effective leaders. These characteristics include:

Hard-working
Goal-oriented
Visionary
Creative
Proactive, not reactive
Personable
Motivating
Laser focused
Willing and able to see the whole picture
Resilient
Confident
Self-aware
Good communication skills
Responsible
Reliable
Honest
Able to transform stress into success

I will take a look at each of these below.

Hard-Working

Many top leaders have been described as tireless, always striving to achieve their goals. It is probably no coincidence that many of them do not even own a television. They work towards their own vision instead, using a variety of strategies, tactics and innovations. Many seem to need little sleep as well, and are always alert and full of ideas.

Goal-Oriented

Are you the kind of person who likes to get things done? Do people come to you and ask you to do something for them and know you will follow through? Not everyone is goal-oriented, but those who are may end up being effective leaders.

Visionary

Good leaders do not just look at how things are, but also how they could be. They seek to improve things, usually for the benefit of more people than just themselves. They are constantly creating based on their vision or the potential of what they are trying to create or transform. They will use a variety of strategies and tactics to make their vision a reality.

Creative

Good leaders tend to be very creative or even innovative people who “think outside the box” and are able to come up with a variety of ideas and solutions which no one else has thought of. They lead by example and do not follow others slavishly.

Proactive not Reactive

Good leaders make things happen. They are the “movers and shakers” in their area of expertise. They tend to be known in their industry as the kind of person who is always at least a few steps ahead of everyone else. Again, they do not follow others slavishly; in fact, many people want to imitate them.

Personable

A leader tends to be a people person – someone who derives lots of energy from being around people and working with their team or for them. Such extroverted personalities make great leaders, but introverts are not barred from leadership either. You can have a love for people and still be introverted. In this case, you just respond differently to interacting with others, and would be seen as a good listener rather than a great talker.

Motivating

Good leaders know how to motivate, even when (or especially when) times are tough. They can often get the best out of people who might not even think themselves capable of such great achievements.

Laser Focused

A good leader has a clear vision and purpose and does not allow himself or herself to be distracted or diverted away from that purpose. Think of the difference between a light bulb and a laser. Both use beams of light, but the bulb scatters the beams of light in every direction. A laser uses the beams of light with such focused concentration that they can literally cut through solid substances.

Willing and Able to See the Whole Picture

A leader has laser-like focus to try to accomplish their goals, but the best leaders will take both a focused and a broad view that encompasses a wide variety of factors which can contribute to their success, or hold them back from it.

Resilient

Resilience means bouncing back even when things go wrong. Good leaders aren’t daunted; they learn from what’s happened and press on.

Confident

A belief in himself/herself can sometimes be the only thing that sustains a leader through his/her climb to the top, and the often slippery slope he or she will have to live on once they get there. Even if a leader is not truly confident, they can often “fake it ’til they make it” and convey a sense of command and authority despite being faced with great difficulties.

Self-Aware

Leaders tend to be self-aware with reference to their weaknesses and strengths, but not to the point of letting either one rule them.

Good Communication Skills

True leaders are able to communicate their vision and get people to participate in it. They do their best to “keep people on the same page” within their company or team, while also retaining control of privileged information.

Responsible

Good leaders should not shy away from responsibility. If they take on a task, they should follow it through to its logical conclusion. If they make a mistake, they should admit it and not let someone else take the blame or try to cover it up.

Reliable

Good leaders are reliable and follow through with all of the work assigned to them. They do not make excuses, but deliver what is expected of them on time.

Honest

Leaders in history have possessed this characteristic in varying degrees, but on the whole, they should not be corrupt, greedy or adopt a leadership role simply for their own benefit. If they give their word, they should keep it if it is at all possible.

Able to Transform Stress into Success

Leaders feel stress just like anyone else. It is a question of what they do with that stress. For many people, it is the fight or flight response. Either they will make a stand and work hard to deal with the situation, or they will run from it and try to pretend it doesn’t exist. A good leader will make a stand.

In the next post in this short series I will take a look at four leadership styles, and the pros and cons of each.

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

As I have observed in my recent posts the concept of emotional intelligence (EI) has become a hot topic of psychological research in recent years, as a way of explaining why some people seem to manage their relationships at home and in the workplace better than others. Instead of Intelligence Quotient (IQ), researchers began to study Emotional Quotient (EQ) – the ability to manage your own emotions and “read” those of others accurately. So why is emotional intelligence so important?

Importance at Home

The advantages of understanding the emotions of others in relation to your home life are obvious. Good EI skills mean better communication, and better communication will usually lead to greater harmony and intimacy in terms of romance. In relation to parents, it will lead to more successful establishment of your independence and overall personality. You won’t need to live according to the labels you’ve been given, such as “mother’s little helper” or “the man of the house.”

Once you become a parent, you will be able to avoid the pitfalls of labeling your children, and allow them to develop and grow according to their talents and interests, not yours. Most parents would love it if their children grew up to be doctors, for example, due to that profession’s perceived status and money-earning potential. However, if you child is not the least bit interested in science and shows no compassion for others, trying to steer their career in that direction would be a disaster for the parties concerned.

Knowing yourself is the best first step to knowing others, so if you’ve been struggling at home, it might be time to assess your EI.

Importance in the Workplace

EI has become of great interest in relation to the workplace. Businesses are made up of people, and the most successful business people have been shown to have high EI – not just intelligence in relation to their career or industry.

As with personal relationships, EI in professional relationships starts with self-awareness. Once we understand our emotions, we can control them and express them in a skillful, not harmful way. We can also understand the thoughts, feelings and points of view of others, and be able to respond to their issues appropriately.

Importance in General

EI is important for a number of reasons:

Mental health and wellbeing – Mastering EI puts us in control of our mind and emotions. It resolves issues from the past and gives us confidence to move toward a better future.
Physical health – Being in control of your emotions puts you in control of your life, cutting down on stress and conflict. This means less wear and tear on your body and better health.
Better communication – If you say what you mean, mean what you say, and become a better communicator who is able to pick up up verbal and non-verbal cues, you will be able to make more connections and reduce conflict.
Better conflict resolution – Even if conflicts do arise despite your increased EI, chances are that they will be easier to resolve because you will be better able to come up with a range of ways to end the issue before it gets out of hand.
More success – Getting along better with others means a smoother path to greater success.
Better negotiating skills – Better EI will improve your negotiating skills, so you will be able to come up with “win-win” deals everyone will be happy with.
Better leadership skills – A leader who is calm, cool, collected, and good at working with others is one other people will be willing to follow. Improve your EI and see what a difference it can make to your life.

Are Some People More Emotionally Intelligent Than Others?

The concept of IQ (Intelligence Quotient) has been around for decades. However, the idea of EQ (Emotional Quotient) or EI (Emotional Intelligence) became popular in the 1990s as a way of assessing why some people were more successful in the workplace than others. Knowledge from books is important, of course, but researchers noticed that the top performers in their careers all had certain characteristic in common.

They were:

Self-aware
Self-controlled
Able to act appropriate to the emotion being felt
Relating to others effectively, such as showing sympathy and empathy
Relating to others in a range of social situations, such as one-on-one, meetings, team projects, negotiations
A “people person” rather than an ideas person

Research showed that some people had more EI than others. Those who were lacking in EI tended to be in the lowest percentile in terms of work performance, and researchers posited that the personal relationships of underachievers were as difficult as their professional ones.

Learning EI

The good news is that EI can be developed with some focus and discipline. Each of the components above can be learned and improved upon. Working on becoming your best self is always a good idea for the sake of your own personal fulfillment. Working on EI can have the added benefits of improving your career and going from low man on the ladder to the top rung.

How is this possible, you may ask? It’s because in the process of improving your EI, you will become the kind of person who can “win friends and influence people.” People do business with people they like. Becoming more self-aware and self-controlled can serve as the gateway to getting along with others better, and being perceived as someone to be admired and even guided by.

In the same way that some people seem to be born leaders while others study leadership and take action to gain leadership positions, you can learn more about your own emotions in order to maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.
Understanding what makes others tick, being a good listener and problem solver, a team player and a someone in control and not freaking out no matter what happens, are all signs not just of a reliable colleague, but a leader as well – a person others look to for guidance if and when things start to go wrong.

Studying your own emotions can help you learn how to manage them. Note the word “manage,” not “suppress.” No one is expecting you to be a block of wood, but in the workplace, those who can manage their emotions and not fly off the handle (for example) will stand out compared to those who are not able to rein themselves in.

Observing body language in yourself, and facial expression if you look in the mirror, will all give you guidance on the kind of image you are conveying to others. Are you coming off as warm and friendly, or cold, aloof, and arrogant? Are you really just shy? If you feel you are shy, what is making you hold back from others?

Reading the body language and facial expressions of colleagues, bosses, important business contacts, and so on, can help you get through even tricky situations and negotiations because you will be more alert, aware and tuned in to others. Most people don’t like used car salesmen because they’re so pushy. They only care about the sale, not the purchaser. Conveying care and other higher motivations such as improving their lives will create a win-win situation for everyone.

If you’re feeling stuck in your relationships, spend more time on your EI and see what a difference it can make in your life.

Practical Emotional Intelligence Examples

Emotional intelligence, or EI, involves understanding your emotions and the emotions of the people around you. Emotional awareness can help in many different situations at home, at school, and at work.

EI occurs on a number of levels. It involves the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions, and to be able to read the emotions of others in order to deal with them in an appropriate manner.

Our emotions are important in relationships, of course, but having empathy and understanding for others greases the wheels of communication and closeness. An emotionally intelligent person is easier to deal with than one lacking in EI for a number of reasons. Those with high EI are good at:

Managing difficult situations
Expressing themselves clearly and honestly
Controlling their emotions
Gaining respect from others, who admire their cool head and control
Influencing other people, such as in a leadership position because they lead by example
Working well as a team
Listening
Supporting

There are a number of example that demonstrate a person with high EI in action. By assessing yourself and looking at effective examples, you can boost your own EI and enjoy better success in your professional and personal relationships.

1. Anger Management

Anger management is a key skill that will help all your relationships. Note the word management, not suppression. Feeling angry is only natural. It’s how you express, or choose not to express, your anger that is crucial.

Examples of EI so anger does not run away with you include:

Counting to ten.
Telling the person you need some time to think and you will speak to them later.
Focusing on long, deep breathing so your breath doesn’t come in gasps and you can stay relaxed.
Using meditation to calm yourself.
Using visualization. Think of your favorite calming view.
Seeing the situation from the other person’s viewpoint.
Focusing on solving the problem in a practical way, rather than letting emotions get the better of you.

2. Understanding Body Language

Sometimes what is not said is as important as what is spoken. Body language can speak volumes, whether you realize it or not. Standing with your arms folded or with your body turned to the side is very off-putting to people and distances you from them. If you see someone standing like that when you are speaking to them, then they are not engaging with you on a deeper level.

By reading their body language and facial expressions, you can start to understand what others are really thinking and feeling, which can help with better communication and deal making.

A few things to watch out for include:

Hands on hips, fists clenched, red face = anger
Relaxed eye contact, smiling, sitting in a comfortable way = happy
Pacing, nail biting, tapping = anxiety
Eyes, face and posture all drooping = sadness

3. Dealing with Difficult People

Sooner or later, you are going to have to deal with difficult people. EI can help you navigate stormy waters successfully. Here are a few strategies for success you can try.

Know your communication style – is it relaxed and informal or uptight and formal?
Know their communication style and adapt yours to theirs.
Don’t jump to conclusions – get all the facts.
Be honest no matter what.
Don’t play the blame game. Pointing fingers is rarely helpful and could cause you to lose face even though you might not be the one who is in the wrong.
Don’t run on empty. Take care of your emotional and physical needs first. Eat right, take bathroom breaks, have a drink of water or beverage, and then tackle the issue.

Use these examples and others of good EI, and see what a difference they can make to all your relationships.

Six Simple Ways to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence

In my last post I looked at what Emotional Intellifence (EI) is. In summary Emotional Intelligence can be defined as the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one’s own feelings, as well as engage successfully with those of others. Studies have shown that the most successful people in the workplace are those with high EI, while those who are the lowest performers have low EI.

EI is essential for harmonious relationships at work and home. As with most things in life, if we are willing to study and put in the effort, we can improve our EI and therefore our relationship – not just with others, but with ourselves as well.

Here are six ways to increase your EI.

1. Look Within

Many people tend to blame others for their emotions. “He made me feel bad when he said…” or “She really hurt me.”

No one makes us feel or do anything. Our feelings appear and disappear like waves in the ocean. It is up to us if we choose to focus on them or not. For example, anger can arise suddenly, but people might cling onto it for ages, holding grudges, not speaking to family members for years, and so on.

2. Recognise and Reduce Reactions

By recognising our emotions, we can start to get them under control. Note that “control” does not mean “suppress.” It means to express them in a healthy and productive way. Using the anger example, some people shout, scream and throw things. Others go silent and refuse to speak to the other person involved.

3. Leann to Express Emotions in a Healthier Way

Once you have identified an emotion you would like to handle more skillfully, it will be time to come up with strategies that can prevent the emotion from running away with you. For example, some people count to ten before they say anything if they feel anger is rising, in order to give themselves a bit of distance from the emotion and not let the heat of the moment cause them to do anything they might later regret.

4. Understand Better the Emotions of Others

Listening to others and observing them are two steps to better understanding of those around you. If you’ve been struggling in a relationship, try to take a step back and view the person with fresh eyes. Don’t assume or rush to judge. Also, don’t take anything for granted. The longer you have known someone, the more you might think you “know” them, but people can sometimes deceive us, and even themselves if they are not in tune with their emotions.

5. Avoid Jumping to Conclusions

Sometimes we think it is all about us, when in fact a person’s reaction might have no connection to us at all. Your boss might seem angry, so you think it is about you, your work, or that they are planning to fire you. Your mind can jump to all sorts of conclusions, but the only way you will really be able to try to find out what’s wrong is if you ask.

Of course, the person might then tell you to mind your own business, or lie and say there’s nothing wrong, both of which are communication stoppers and might even make things worse. But, don’t assume that another person’s feelings are to do with you.

6. Learn to Express Your Feelings Proactively

Once you have started to recognize and control your emotions, it will be time to take the next step – conveying them to others when needed. This does not mean sharing every feeling, but only ones that make you feel distant from the other person and need to be resolved if you are going to grow closer once more.

Use these six ways to increase your EI and see what a difference they can make to your relationships.