Professional Development Archives - Page 15 of 20

Why It’s Good to Stand Up For Yourself

How often do you feel like your needs are met? People who are unable to stand up for themselves often find that they feel unfulfilled, frustrated, and even victimized. When you develop a pattern of letting other people take advantage of you, it can impact your mental and physical health.

Conversely, those that are always insisting that their demands be met and bully others until they are, are also just as unhappy. They alienate those around them. They’re too aggressive. Somewhere between aggressive and passive is a happy medium that most people refer to as assertive. To assert yourself is to stand up for your own wants and needs. However, you do so with the consideration of others.

Standing Up For Yourself Is Good for You

Being assertive and standing up for yourself helps you feel more empowered and less stressed out. Instead of constantly tending to other people’s needs, you’re taking care of your own. Then, and only then, are you in a position to help others. Standing up for yourself improves you and your life in many different ways.

1. You Become a Better Communicator

When you stand up for yourself it’s not a, “Hey, give me that.” It’s more like, “Hey, I see you have that and I would like some too. Do you mind sharing?” See the difference? You ask for what you want in a pleasant and collaborative way. And when someone asks you to do something for them (something that you don’t really want to do), instead of saying “sure” and not really meaning it, you can simply say, “I don’t have time.” Communication becomes much easier when you are assertive.

2. People Respect You

How much do you respect someone who is constantly agreeing to do things that they don’t want to do or someone who lets others take credit for work that they did? Or someone who says, “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” all the time. It happens. Passive people live in this world. It’s difficult to respect them. If you are passive then you may feel like others in your life don’t have respect for you. Start being more assertive and standing up for yourself and watch that change.

3. Stay True to Yourself

You have opinions, thoughts, goals and needs. When you don’t stand up for yourself, those get pushed aside and other people become the priority at your expense. Standing up for yourself means that you make yourself a priority and that you acknowledge that your wants and needs are important. Your opinion is valid and you deserve to follow your own path.

Standing up for yourself isn’t always easy. Start small and gradually increase your confidence. Learn to say no to things you don’t want to do and yes to yourself.

Setting Goals and Changing Habits

After we have spent some time answering questions, reflecting on the answers and as I suggested in the last post doing some decluttering, it’s time to begin making changes to your lifestyle. Let’s take a look at some habits that you may want to embrace, and offer some goal-setting tips to help you get started.

Gratitude

One of the habits that will help you avoid focusing on buying new things, and instead support you to focus on enjoying what you have, is the gratitude habit. You can embrace gratitude in many different ways. You can start each day by thinking about all of the wonderful things you’re grateful for.

You can start a gratitude journal and write in it every day or if like me you already maintain a reflective journal then add some gratitude reflections. You can also start saying thanks in a sincere way to people you encounter during the day.

Replace Your Shopping Habit

How often do you find yourself shopping online? How many times do you buy something on a whim? For many, shopping is a habit and it leads to a home full of unwanted stuff. This is stuff that costs money and gets in the way of you living your ideal life.

There are several ways to become more aware of your spending habits. One of them is to simply stop shopping. Ban or block shopping sites on your computer. You can also find hobbies and activities that replace your shopping habit.

For example, instead of shopping on the weekends or surfing the net while sitting on the couch, start knitting, build a dresser, or join a local sports club. Keep busy so you’re not tempted to shop and spend.

DIY

If it’s broken, you throw it away, right? Not anymore. Instead of replacing items in your home and life that are in need of a little TLC, why not get creative and flex your skills.

DIY is a nice way to add some personality to your home, to provide you with a sense of satisfaction, and to keep items that you love in your possession. Of course, if you’re not handy, then by all means consider having the item repaired instead of throwing it away.

Finally, find and focus on your passions. Find activities and pursuits that make you feel happy and joyful. It can be anything from Genealogy/Family History Research, making homemade wine to writing travel books to building websites – and everything in between.

Living well with what you have isn’t just focused on clearing out material items; it’s also about clearing away the pursuits and tasks that don’t bring you joy. Sure, no day is without some menial tasks. However, if the bulk of your life is spent on pursuits that make you smile, then you’re living well.
Moving Forward

Once you’ve begun to envision a simpler life – one that is full of meaning and is defined by you as good living – then it’s time to start taking steps toward that vision. The first step is to commit to your path. If you want to live well with what you have, then you have to commit to it.

That may mean different things for different people. On a fundamental level it means not adding more clutter and distractions to your life. It may also mean making major changes to your life. For example, you might decide to downsize your home and/or move towns. Or start a new job.

Committing to changing your life is the first step, so what’s the second? It’s to start setting small goals to help you transition toward that life. Small goals might be anything, such as cleaning out your closet and only keeping clothes that you wear and love. It might mean taking a class that will help you start a new career. Start setting those goals and create a plan to follow through.

Finally, the third step is to begin living your life right now as if you’re already successful. You’ve envisioned your ideal day. You’ve made a list of the things and people that support you as well as lists about your strengths, weaknesses, and the things that don’t support you. You have a good idea about how you want to live your life.

Start living as if you’ve already achieved your goals. This is important because it causes a shift in your mindset. Instead of saying that you’re trying to live well with what you have, say that you are living well with what you have. Instead of saying that you want to write a mystery book, say that you are writing a mystery book. See the difference?

Approaching your life as if you’re already achieved your goals empowers you to actually take steps each day to make it true. When you cut down to the “essentials” and what’s most important to you in your life, you may be surprised at what it takes to make you truly happy.

Are You Living Well? Asking Questions!

For a growing number of people, “living well” is being redefined. Instead of filling your life with material goods and splurging on luxury items, to them living well means living a life that you love. It’s about living your life on your own terms, free from the constraints of having to fit into a predetermined category, career, or lifestyle.

Living well means designing a life that is rewarding, satisfying, and focused on supporting who you are and what you want from this life. Most people come to this way of thinking after finding themselves surrounded by items that don’t really make them happy. They may have the prettiest house, the best car and the latest designer clothes. But if they’re not happy, then it’s not serving them.

A shift is needed and it begins by living well with what you have. This may mean simplifying. It might mean making major changes. Ultimately, it’s about being happier and creating a life that supports you to be you.

Over the next few posts I want to share tips, steps, and ideas to help you start thinking about ensuring that you are living a life that supports you to be happier with who you are and what you have.

The tips are divided into categories to help you organise your thoughts and start in a place that feels right to you. The categories include the following:

Asking questions
Making room
Setting goals and changing habits
Moving forward

So let’s start where the journey to understanding who we are and who we want to be should begin and that is with asking ourselves some probing questions.

Asking Questions

The first step to knowing what you want and who you are is to start asking questions and providing honest answers. Consider grabbing a pencil and paper or a journal and writing down the questions and your answers.

What do you like about your life?

Take a look at your life. Explore the things that you do, where you work, and how you spend your time. Take a look at the people in your life and the items that you’re surrounded by. What makes you happy? What do you love about your life? If you had to prioritize three aspects of your life, what would they be?

Answering this question will help you begin to see what’s important to you. You might discover that some of the things that you love most are things that you spend very little time on. For example, you may love to travel but realize that traveling is at the bottom of your current priority list.

What could you do without?

Now take a look at your life and explore the elements of your life that you could do without. These might be people, hobbies, habits, and material items. You may find that you are surrounded by things and people that you really don’t care for.

Answering this question will highlight the aspects of your life that may be getting in the way of spending your time and energy on things you love.

How do you spend your time?

Do you spend your time on activities and people that you find rewarding and fulfilling? Or do you spend your time on activities that make you unhappy? Chances are it’s a little bit of both. Spend a week or so tracking how you spend your time. You might even document how much time you spend on each activity.

Answering this question will help you begin to see how you can make changes to your life so that you’re able to spend more time on things that make you feel happy. For example, you might find that you spend eight hours a week cleaning your home and you’d much rather spend that time writing a mystery. You can then begin to find ways to make changes to your lifestyle so that you’re supported to write more and clean less.

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Take a little time to assess your own personal strengths and weaknesses. This information will also support you to begin to make positive change in your life. For example, you might know that you are disorganized. You can then take steps to find solutions to help you be more organized, assuming that organization supports you to live a happier life.

What does a perfect day look like?

Imagine your perfect day. We’re not talking about a day being fed bonbons on the French Riviera. That sounds like a perfect day for sure, but it’s not the norm. We’re talking about a normal perfect day for you.

For example, a normal perfect day for someone who aspires to write mysteries might start with an hour of writing, a day at a job they love, and then time in the evening with loved ones relaxing, talking, laughing and reading.

What currently supports you?

Take a look around you. What currently supports you to move your life toward your description of a perfect day? This can be anything from material possessions to people. For example, the person who wants to write more and clean less might be supported by a partner who is happy to clean a little more, or a vacant space in the house might be easily converted to a writing office.

What doesn’t support you?

Taking a look at your surroundings in a different manner will help you see what’s getting in your way. A large house that needs a lot of cleaning may be something that doesn’t support the aspiring writer.

A giant car payment for the person who wants to cut back on overtime and work less is another example. A £20 a week coffee shop habit for the person who is struggling to pay off debt and obtain financial freedom is a third example. You get the idea. What’s preventing you from living your perfect day?

These questions are difficult to answer and it may take you a few days, even a week or two, to answer them all as completely and honestly as possible. Once you’ve answered the questions, you can begin to start making changes to your life.

In the next post I will ask you to take a look at the concept of making room in your life so that you can live well with what you have.

Be Aware – Be Assertive

How assertive are you? People with low self-esteem often have difficulty going after what they want in life. They fear judgment, ridicule, and failure. They’re not assertive. Being assertive and having healthy self-esteem go hand in hand. When you increase one, you automatically increase the other. Learning to have better self-esteem and learning to be more assertive will help you both personally and professionally.

1. Start Small

Assertiveness is like a muscle. It gets bigger with exercise. However, you don’t want to go out and try to deadlift 500 pounds. You won’t succeed, it’ll hurt, and the disappointment may keep you from trying again. Instead, start with something that you know you can do. For example, if the host at a restaurant places you near the kitchen, practice assertiveness and ask for a different table. As you begin to use that skill and you learn to process the response you receive from your requests, you’ll become more comfortable and more confident – it’ll boost your self-esteem.

2. Release Guilt

One of the reasons that many people justify not asking for what they want or need is that they feel guilty. They worry about being a bother or annoying someone. Let that go. Asking for what you want is essential to your wellbeing. It’s not greedy or pushy to ask for what you want and need. If you feel guilty, stop and think about why. Then ask yourself if that guilt is healthy for you and productive. If the answer is no, let it go.

3. Practice Awareness and Assertiveness

Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. As you find yourself wanting something, pay attention to your thought process. Do you think, “Oh, I can’t ask for that? She’ll think I’m…” If you find yourself worrying about what other people are thinking about you, ask yourself if those thoughts and concerns are reasonable and relevant. If the hostess thinks you’re high maintenance, does it really matter?

Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to yourself like you talk to a friend or a beloved family member. What would you say to them if they were afraid to ask for what they wanted? Tell yourself the same thing! Treat yourself like you’d treat a loved one. Healthy self-esteem is a process of paying attention to what you want and need, and honouring that.

How To Stop Taking Criticism So Personally

How do you feel when someone criticises you? If you’re like many people then your reaction and response depend on a number of factors. It may depend on who is criticizing you. Your mood that day and disposition can also play an important role. Of course it can also depend on how they criticize you and what they’re commenting on.

Regardless of the situation, you can change your reaction to the criticism. You can learn to control your emotional reaction to criticism and not let it impact your self-esteem.

1. Evaluate the Source

When you’re receiving criticism it’s important to evaluate the source. A perfect stranger posting a comment online is much different than hearing something negative from your significant other. The deliverer of the criticism is important. What’s equally as important is the motivation for their criticism. Are they trying to help or hurt? Understanding the source of the criticism can help you frame it better.

2. Look for the Benefit

Assuming that the feedback is coming from someone who is trying to help, then focus on what you have to gain from the criticism. For example, a writer who hears from their editor that the dialogue feels forced can take that information and improve their dialogue. They can become a better writer. There is power in listening to criticism.

3. Detach from the Feedback

What other people think about your skills, characteristics, knowledge and so on actually has no impact on who you are as a person. Their opinion isn’t your reality – it’s theirs. And vice versa – just because you think someone is cruel doesn’t make them cruel. Detach from the feedback and remember that it doesn’t define you. You define you.

Feedback and criticism can be difficult to take under any circumstances. Remember who you are. Learn from the feedback and remember to pay attention to the person delivering the criticism. How much does their opinion really matter to you?

One characteristic of good self-esteem is the willingness to be assertive and to go after what you want. In my next post I will take a look at how to be more assertive.