Professional Development Archives - Page 16 of 20

Can You Have Too Much Self-esteem?

Can you have too much self-esteem? The answer is yes. There is a thin line between having self-esteem and being narcissist. So how do you find the balance? How do you make sure you have just enough self-esteem to live a happy, fulfilling, and productive life? Let’s start by taking a look at the definition of narcissism.

What Is a Narcissist and How Much Self-Esteem Is Too Much?

Interestingly enough, a narcissist can be someone who has very fragile self-esteem. The definition of a narcissist is, “A person with a mental disorder where they have an inflated sense of their own self-importance.” They wear a mask of self-confidence and self-esteem. In fact, most narcissists are vulnerable to criticism. They need to feel admired and beloved and usually have a tremendous lack of empathy for others.

Narcissists have too much self-esteem. SO how much is too much? If you’re unable to be realistic and in touch with who you are, then you may have too much. It’s about being aware of who you are. If people perceive you as vain, conceited, or pretentious, you may have too much self-esteem. People with heightened self-esteem feel entitled and insist on having the best of everything – they feel they deserve it.

Healthy Self-Esteem

There are some sure-fire signs of healthy self-esteem, and these signs or types of behavior are what you want to look for in yourself and in those you bring into your life. They include:

The ability to feel proud of your accomplishments
The ability to act independently
The willingness to laugh at yourself
The ability to accept compliments, and the willingness to give them
The willingness to accept responsibility for your thoughts and actions
The ability to accept challenges with enthusiasm
Knowing you’re worthwhile
Knowing you’re in control of your life
The willingness to express yourself and a willingness to listen to others express themselves
An ability to work through challenges, frustrations, and problems
The ability to hear criticism and not take it personally

Most people don’t have too much self-esteem. The vast majority of people have healthy self-esteem or low self-esteem. If you or someone you know has too much, it’s a good idea to visit a physician. But if you’re like most folks, then you could probably use some help with your self-esteem.

In my next post I want to tackle one of the biggest challenges to healthy self-esteem. We’re talking about criticism and how to not take it personally!

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Is Detachment the Key to Better Self-esteem?

When you think about the word “detachment” you may have a negative impression. After all, when we use the word we often think about people that are disconnected from the world and from others. But the truth is that detachment can play a very important role in your success, as well as your happiness.

Let’s take a look at what we mean by detachment and then talk about how it impacts your self-esteem.

What Is Detachment?

The dictionary definition of detachment is a lack of emotion or of personal interest, and/or the act or process of separating something from a larger thing. That’s all fine and good, but how does it relate to self-esteem? Let’s look at an example:

You’re at work and a co-worker criticizes an email that you sent to your team. Detachment means that you’re able to hear her criticism and take any relevant and useful pieces to make positive change, and let go of the rest. You don’t let her comment impact you emotionally, nor does it affect how you feel about yourself.

Sounds pretty great, right? How wonderful would it be to hear feedback and criticism and not have an emotional reaction to it? You’d be able to learn and grow but not take a hit to your self-esteem. The same is true for praise. When you’re detached, you’re able to receive praise without it affecting your self-esteem.

Isn’t Detachment Bad?

Not letting others impact your emotional wellbeing and self-esteem isn’t a bad thing. It’s perfectly okay to separate your self-worth and self-esteem from others. Your self-esteem is answered by the question, “How do I feel about who I am?” It doesn’t get answered by, “How do I feel about how others think about me?”

Detaching from what others think about you and how they communicate with you is a good thing. After all, whether someone thinks you did a good job or a bad job doesn’t impact who you are, right? You know who you are, so hold on to that.

Speaking of knowing who you are, have you met people who may have too much self-esteem? In the next post I will attempt to answer the question, “Can you have too much self-esteem?”

3 Tips To Improve Your Self-Esteem

I have written quite a lot over the years about self-esteem and this post compliments a post I recently added to LinkedIn looking at What Is Self-Esteem? Here, I want to take a look at how to improve your self-esteem.

Our self-esteem, or how we feel about your worth, impacts our daily life. Admittedly, our self-esteem can change from day to day. Some days you may wake up feeling great about yourself and the world. Other days, you might feel like nothing you do or say matters.

Think about those days for a second – the down days when your self-esteem isn’t so great. How effective and productive were you? How well were you able to communicate with others? Chances are, when your self-esteem has taken a hit, you aren’t able to function on a high level. Your personal and professional life can suffer.

The good news is that there are simple tips you can embrace today to help turn those bad days around.

1. Find the Why

Why has your self-esteem taken a hit? What’s impacting how you feel about yourself? It can be anything from a bad night’s sleep, to a mistake, to criticism from someone. When you can identify your reason for low self-esteem, you can approach the solution logically.

2. One Positive Thought

You have a choice here. When you’re feeling down you can stop, take a deep breath, and identify one positive thought about yourself. Alternatively, you can keep a positive thought in your back pocket.

For example, when someone criticizes you at work, you can pull out your positive thought and read it. It can be anything that makes you feel better about yourself. For example, you might pull out a statement that says, “I am a kind and loving person who always does their best.”

The benefit of writing down a statement and keeping it with you is that sometimes when you’re having a particularly difficult day, it can be hard to think something positive.

3. A Little TLC

On the difficult days it’s always a good idea to pamper yourself a little. Identify one small thing that can have a big impact. For example, you might give yourself a facial, read a book on the patio, or go for a jog in the park. Whatever small self-care step that you can take, do it. It will make a significant difference on how you feel and how you feel about yourself.

Becoming aware of your self-esteem and noting when and why it may suffer can help you make a change. Treat yourself well and remember what makes you wonderful.

Read All About It!

There are few of us who, including those of us who work in Learning and Development, who can change or move forward in their lives without some kind of help. It might be help in the form of a coach or mentor to help you grow. It could be support from friends and family who keep you motivated. Another form of help and one of my personal favourites is reading about whatever you want to change daily to stay motivated.

How can reading about something keep you motivated?

Reading blogs and books about the very thing you want to change helps you learn the way others have overcome that same challenge and gone on to meet their goals. Reading can give you inspiration to continue striving toward your own goal. It gives you the ideas and steps you need to take to reach a certain goal.

Books and blogs are a great way to do some research on what you want to do. Reading about what you want to change or achieve grounds you so you know what to expect. Books about your subject will give ideas about the difficulties you might face while moving forward.

If you want to gain new skills, read about how others have successfully developed themselves and how they have applied them.
If you want to build a successful business, read about successful business people.

Knowing what others have experienced in similar situations lets you adapt and try their solutions along with your own. Their stories can help lessen the worries and challenges you might face along the way.

The Types of Reading

Quotes. Reading inspirational quotes daily can motivate you to continue to take action on your goal. Put your favorite quote on your screensaver. Post quotes on your wall or your whiteboard. Have motivational quotes on your smartphone or tablet.

Read motivational books. Books that help you change your way of thinking can be a great source of inspiration when your motivation is failing. Build a library of motivational and personal development books. If you don’t have time to read them all, get them on tape to listen to while driving or walking. Here are a few notable authors with insights on motivation:

The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale
Unlimited Power by Anthony Robbins
Great Motivation Secrets of Great Leaders by John Baldoni
Leadership Plain and Simple by Steve Radcliffe

Read inspiring stories. Read inspiring stories from others who have already done what you want to achieve, or are in the process of doing it. Read stories on blogs, in magazines and in books. Those who have already achieved what you are attempting can guide you through the pitfalls and give insights on what to expect along the way. You can get inspiration from their struggles and wins.

Reading books about what you want to change daily, or about self-improvement and inspiration, is an excellent way to stay motivated. They can inspire and motivate you to continue.

Why Commit Publicly To Your Goals?

In a post earlier today I touched on the importance of committing publicly to a goal that you are working towards. So why is it so important? Promising yourself you are going to exercise, finish your assignment for your CIPD studies or complete your application to become a member of the Learning and Performance Institute are all great goals.

The problem is you are only holding yourself accountable. If you do the work to reach your goal, that’s wonderful. But if you don’t, then no one is going to know. Committing to your goals publicly helps you hold yourself accountable to reach them.

Three Easy Ways To Commit Publicly:

Sharing your progress with colleagues, family and friends keeps you accountable to a broad group of people who have your best interests in mind. You have to answer to them if you skip a workout or if you increase your debt in some way.
Create a group on social media and form a group of like-minded people all working to help each other succeed. Peer pressure while working towards a goal can be powerful motivation. The support of others can be invaluable in keeping you on track or getting you back on track if you stumble or want to give up. You can report your progress as well as your fails, while supporting others in their progress. One more way to increase your commitment to your goal is to involve others in its achievement. Instead of engaging your competitive spirit, you can create a spirit of collaboration, cooperation and teamwork.
Commit on a blog and through an accountability partner or coach. By announcing your intentions on your blog, can hold you accountable to your actions. People will begin to lose faith in you if you don’t follow through and none of us want that do we? The same can be said of an accountability partner or coach. They are putting their time and trust into you. You don’t want to disappoint them do you?

Committing to your goals publicly is a way to get help and support from others, while returning the same for them. When others know your goals, they act as a support system you can go to when you need encouragement and motivation.

Openness enables others to hold you accountable. They will want to know what you did towards your goal that day or week, or why you didn’t work on it.