Professional Development Archives - Page 9 of 20

I Want To Be Alone!

Earlier today I was talking with Rachel Burnham about how sometimes we need to find time in our busy schedules just to be alone with ourself which set me thinking about why this is important. I believe that spending time alone is good for you. In fact, there are so many benefits to being alone occasionally that if you’re not doing it now, it’s something that you should schedule into your days.

1. It’s Important to Enjoy Your Own Company – If you’re someone who thinks that person at the corner café reading a book alone is lonely, think again. Being alone can be very meditative, enabling you to just be without having to entertain anyone. When you can learn to be in the moment with yourself, you’ll be a better friend to others too.

2. Alone Time Encourages Creativity – When you’re alone, it’s easier to get into a creative space so that you can think of new ways to do things. It’s only when you can be alone and centered that you can come up with the best ideas, due to the lack of distractions getting in the way of your thoughts and ideas.

3. You’ll Get More Done – There is no doubt that if you also turn off electronics when you’re alone, you’ll get more tasks done than if you’re with others. With no one to distract you to do something else, you’ll be amazed at how much you can get done in one hour alone compared to five hours with a friend.

4. It’s a Great Way to Recharge – Anytime you’re feeling stressed out, try getting even 10 minutes alone to just breathe. Take a brisk walk. If you have to, take a long shower. Do what you can to spend some time alone to revive your mind and body.

5. Helps Improve Depression Symptoms – Studies have shown that spending time alone can help improve problems with depression. Some people think it’s the opposite, but that’s not true. That’s why teenagers often need a lot of time alone in their room. It helps them deal with the stress of the world in a healthy way.

6. Enables You to Clear Your Mind – Do you have too much noise in your brain to focus? Go take a few deep breaths alone. It will only take a few moments. It’s better if you can find an hour or so a day of alone time but if you can’t, even a few moments to breathe can help you clear your mind.

7. You Can Better Let Go of Stress – Some stress that we experience in life is caused by too much activity, too many people, and too much pressure on your time. If you schedule in alone time, you’ll find that you deal with that stress while it’s happening so much better.

8. You Can Do Anything You Want To – The fact is, if you choose an hour a day to spend alone, you can do whatever you want with that time. You can sit there and stare at the wall, or you can meditate, take a walk, exercise or even watch your favorite TV show without interruption. It’s totally up to you how you spend your alone time.

There are enormous benefits to spending time alone. It’s not lonely. There doesn’t need and shouldn’t be activity continuously happening with tons of people around at all times. Human beings aren’t built to always be “on”. Sometimes we need to shut down – and not just at bedtime. If you want to be healthier, happier, and a more well-rounded person, try to schedule in alone time each day.

Dealing With Negative People

In today’s world it seems inevitable that no matter how positive we try to be, sooner or later we are going to encounter negative people. In fact, you might even be surrounded by them already, and feel held back by them to the point where they sap your energy. As we all become more connected online and encounter more and more views of the world it can become quite overwhelming can’t it?

We don’t want to live in a bubble where we only engage with people that share our views and opinions because that leads to a limited perspective on life. We can encounter people who have different views than ours and express them in a respectful manner and that can be a hugely positive experience. It might even be that we learn something new and change our opinions. However, those negative people who always take a contrary view, who always dwell on the negative or who are deliberately argumentative can be incredibly draining.

So how do we deal with those negative people, their opinions and views? Here’s a few thoughts for you to consider?

Stay Positive

If a person is constantly whining and complaining, you can draw on your own reserves on energy and try to stay positive. You can note all the lessons that can be learned from what the person is upset about. You can be sad for them and wish them well. You don’t have to be dragged down by them.

Reframe

You can reframe negative thoughts and situations in a more positive light. If a friend has a car crash, for example, point out that yes it was bad (after listening and expressing sympathy), but at least no one was seriously injured and the insurance will cover it sooner or later.

Point Out Their Pattern

If a person is constantly negative, they might not even realise it. Or, they might think they are “being realistic” so no one will “be disappointed” if things don’t work out. Point out their pattern of always looking on the gloomy side and see if you can give examples that will help reframe their thoughts.

Don’t Dwell on the Past

If someone is stuck in the past in relation to an event from when they were younger – accident, divorce and so on, point this out. It’s happened already and is over and done with. Move on. Don’t let the event define your entire life and affect your relationships with everyone.

Rework the Relationship

Rather than just avoid the person and not tell them why, you could try to rework the relationship. Be honest: “Spending time talking with you drains my energy and I start to feel bad about my life. Maybe we can try to do some positive things together that will give us both some more positive energy.”

Suggest a walk, a workout, seeing a funny movie together, whatever. If you still can’t shift the dynamic, it might be time to start surrounding yourself with more positive people.

Positive energy brings positive feelings. Don’t let negative people drain you.

The Upside of Negative Emotions

In the previous post I looked at Dealing with Negativity and while none of us enjoys negative emotions, thoughts and feelings, these dark clouds can often have a silver lining. If we are willing to pay attention to them and go through a learning process, and thereby determine what this negativity has to teach you.

Trust Your Intuition

Negative emotions can be useful to help us trust our intuition. When we are younger, we might be told we are wrong about a certain thing or person, even though deep down in our gut we feel something isn’t right.

We might meet a person and dislike them instantly and not really know why. Sometimes we can change our minds, but often first impressions can be the correct ones.

We tend to reason things through rather than pay attention to our emotions. Learning to trust your intuition is often the best way to manifest a better life for yourself. If head and heart or intuition are in conflict, examine the negative thoughts to see if they have any validity or basis in reality.

Make Important Changes

Negative emotions can often spur you to make the changes you really need to make in your life in order to manifest your best life. For example, if you have been wanting to quit smoking for some time, but never gotten around to it, dating a new person who hates smoking might make you feel bad for a while, but it might also make you more focused on committing yourself to the change.

Heal the Past

Sometimes negative emotions can come up right out of the blue without any warning signs. You might be lying on a beach enjoying yourself and all of a sudden you got this terrible feeling washing over you that something isn’t right.

In many cases, it will be historical. Something triggers a memory of something negative that happened to you in the past. This usually happens for a reason and can be very beneficial if you pay attention to it rather than try to run away from the bad feeling.

You may not realize that this aspect of your life needs to be healed until the negative emotion signals to you that something needs to be processed and dealt with – if you wish to move on as a stronger and happier person.

Most of us hate negative emotions and want to escape from them as soon as possible. However, sitting with them and reflecting on them can often lead us to significant breakthroughs that can help to move forward in a positive way.

Dealing With Negativity

As I was discussing with a friend this morning however positive we might be there are times when those negative feelings do surface and we need to learn to deal with them. I know all too well from my job search activity for a new role as a Learning and Development Professional that when you get the call that says you have “just missed out” on the role you were interviewed for that it can be all too easy to focus on the negative rather than the positive!

It is easy to become negative when there is so much stress at work and home, and every time we look at the news we can feel that the world is truly turbulent. Negativity can soon become a habit if you don’t take action to try to look on the brighter side of things. This does not mean you have to be a Pollyanna and be cheerful all the time, but with her “glad game”, she did have a point.

In the modern world, we would call it cultivating an attitude of gratitude. We might also call it reframing.

1. Being Grateful for What You Have

Instead of focusing on what you are lacking (the glass half empty), focus on and appreciate what you do have (the glass half full). You can make lists each day of a few things you are grateful for, to remind you of how fortunate you are compared with others.

2. Reframing Your Thoughts

The glass half empty versus half full is a good example of reframing. It is all a question of perspective.

For example, you might be annoyed that your boss has come to you with a last-minute rush job that is going to mean you have to stay late. You could resent and curse him (or her) under your breath. Or, you could view it as a positive. You should be flattered that the boss is turning to you for help because he knows you can get it done. You might also welcome it as a chance to show what you can do under pressure, which might one day lead to a promotion.

3. Tuning Out Negative Self-Talk

Another form of negativity most people need to learn how to cut down on is negative self-talk. If you are always criticizing yourself over the least little thing, it’s time for a change of perspective. Reframing can help here too.

Instead of focusing on the negative, try to see the positive. “I am bad at math” may be true, but you could look at it in a positive way and say, “But I can always work at it a little more so I can improve” or, “But I am really good at art.”

4. Silence Your Critics

If you have people in your life who tend to nag, criticize, or generally push your buttons, it’s time to tune them out. Either spend less time with them, tell them thanks for their feedback, or change the subject. Use any effective strategy that will stop you engaging in their negativity.

Try these strategies and see if they make a difference to your outlook on life.

Cultivating An Attitude of Gratitude

2017 is the first year that I can recall where I have started the year in the position of looking for a new role as a Learning & Development Professional. So as I am sure you can imagine I have been reflecting a lot over the days leading up to the New Year. I have taken time to consider those things in my life which I am grateful for because in that way I have been able to focus on the positive.

I wanted to share some thoughts on how we can each cultivate an attitude of gratitude. There are a number of ways to cultivate this “attitude of gratitude” so that we can recognise and feel that we are living an abundant life even when times get tough.

Below are some of what I think are the best ways to practice gratitude regularly.

Counting Your Blessings

Each morning and each evening, think of three to five things you are grateful for that day. Even on the worst day, there are things to be grateful for. If you do this daily, eventually you’ll find that you notice more positives and less negatives in your life. Several of my friends on Twitter use the #hashtag #3GoodThings to capture those good things they have experienced each day in a public forum.

Keep a Gratitude Journal

List the things you are grateful for by writing them down at the start and end of each day. Or engage in undirected writing in which you think about all the things you are grateful for and the best things about your abundance.

A gratitude journal can be particularly helpful if you know you tend to be more of a pessimist than an optimist or lean towards negative self-talk. By regularly journaling about all the things you have to be grateful for, you can maintain a positive and peaceful mind and abundant mindset – even when things start to get a bit stressful.

Meditation

Meditating means to think. There are different forms of meditation – from Zen meditation, to contemplative meditation in which you choose to think about a particular topic. With Zen meditation, the goal is to empty or quieten the mind. This is a good starting point for then being able to think more deeply about important topics in your life, such as all the things you are grateful for.

Mindfulness meditation teaches you to focus on the here and now, so you can make the most of the present as it unfolds, moment by moment, and appreciate the abundance you are experiencing.

Practice Saying “Thank You” and “I Appreciate It”

Manners cost nothing, and the positivity of thanking others and telling them how much you appreciate them is always a good way to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

Give Thanks and Pray

As I have written about elsewhere my personal faith is important to me and a source of strength and at time real challenge. However, no matter what your belief system, say thank you to any higher power you believe in for all of the abundance you have in your life. Wish the same for others. You will be amazed at the power of positive thinking.