Paul Duxbury

Where Do Our Beliefs and Values Come From?

As I search for a new role as a Learning and Development Professional one of the things I have been reflecting on is how important it is for me that there is an alignment between my values and beliefs and the type of organisation I want to work for. That has set me pondering on where our beliefs and values come from.

The AISLES Framework

An aisle is a passageway. The AISLES framework is a useful model that helps explain where our beliefs and values come from and how they set us on certain paths in life. AISLES stands for:

Authority – an authority figure tells you what to think: parent, teacher, religious figure
Intuition – your subconscious or gut instinct, based on your observations of the world
Science – information, verifiable facts and data
Logic – the conclusions you draw in relation to observations, information, and various data
Emotion –your feelings about yourself and the world around you
Senses – the data you are given by your five senses (sight, sound, smell, taste and touch), and your personal experience of the world

You can also say that some of these sources are internal, coming from within you, while others are external, coming from others and forming and shaping your ideas, feelings and perceptions.

The Importance of Our Beliefs

Our beliefs are important because they have a direct impact on the path we choose to travel and in particular, whether or not we will be successful on that path. If we are to feel happy in what we are doing then our beliefs and values have to be compatible with what we do.

For example, imagine that you have very pushy parents who really want you to become a doctor. You study hard at school to please them and you get high grades, but deep down you know your passion lies elsewhere. Being a doctor is a very worthy calling but it is not for everyone. Your inner as well as outer truth need to be in alignment in order for you to give yourself fully to what you are doing and draw real satisfaction from it.

Parental Influences

Our parents or those who bring us up during our childhood have a direct impact on our beliefs from a very young age, for better and for worse. A hypercritical parent will make their child feel they can never do anything right. An overindulgent parent will make their child feel they can never do anything wrong. A happy medium is best – telling your child when they have done wrong so they learn from their mistakes and don’t do it again.

Social Pressure

Society also places pressures upon us that shape our beliefs and values. They can make it hard going if we don’t conform to what is expected of us. For example, from talking to many American friends there is a general consensus that lots of people in the US believe they should live in a lovely house with a white picket fence and 2.4 kids. So what happens to those of us who want to travel the world with just a back pack, have a different sexuality, want to stay single, or simply don’t want children?

Many people face the pressure to get a 9 to 5 job, though that is changing a lot thanks to the internet. Having said that, most parents, friends and family would probably try to talk you out of touring the world with a rock band or becoming a novelist. These careers don’t seem like “real” jobs. They are also too financially uncertain. Yet when you are on stage, you feel as though you are your best self, living your best life. Or you love to write and your heart sings as you write your novels.

Family and social pressures can hold us back from manifesting the life of our dreams. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Challenge Your Beliefs

The person you were when you were 5 is not the same person you are at 25, 45, or 65. Humans constantly grow, change, adapt, and strike off in new directions. Challenge your beliefs and see what a difference they can make to being the happy person you want to be.

The Upside of Negative Emotions

In the previous post I looked at Dealing with Negativity and while none of us enjoys negative emotions, thoughts and feelings, these dark clouds can often have a silver lining. If we are willing to pay attention to them and go through a learning process, and thereby determine what this negativity has to teach you.

Trust Your Intuition

Negative emotions can be useful to help us trust our intuition. When we are younger, we might be told we are wrong about a certain thing or person, even though deep down in our gut we feel something isn’t right.

We might meet a person and dislike them instantly and not really know why. Sometimes we can change our minds, but often first impressions can be the correct ones.

We tend to reason things through rather than pay attention to our emotions. Learning to trust your intuition is often the best way to manifest a better life for yourself. If head and heart or intuition are in conflict, examine the negative thoughts to see if they have any validity or basis in reality.

Make Important Changes

Negative emotions can often spur you to make the changes you really need to make in your life in order to manifest your best life. For example, if you have been wanting to quit smoking for some time, but never gotten around to it, dating a new person who hates smoking might make you feel bad for a while, but it might also make you more focused on committing yourself to the change.

Heal the Past

Sometimes negative emotions can come up right out of the blue without any warning signs. You might be lying on a beach enjoying yourself and all of a sudden you got this terrible feeling washing over you that something isn’t right.

In many cases, it will be historical. Something triggers a memory of something negative that happened to you in the past. This usually happens for a reason and can be very beneficial if you pay attention to it rather than try to run away from the bad feeling.

You may not realize that this aspect of your life needs to be healed until the negative emotion signals to you that something needs to be processed and dealt with – if you wish to move on as a stronger and happier person.

Most of us hate negative emotions and want to escape from them as soon as possible. However, sitting with them and reflecting on them can often lead us to significant breakthroughs that can help to move forward in a positive way.

Dealing With Negativity

As I was discussing with a friend this morning however positive we might be there are times when those negative feelings do surface and we need to learn to deal with them. I know all too well from my job search activity for a new role as a Learning and Development Professional that when you get the call that says you have “just missed out” on the role you were interviewed for that it can be all too easy to focus on the negative rather than the positive!

It is easy to become negative when there is so much stress at work and home, and every time we look at the news we can feel that the world is truly turbulent. Negativity can soon become a habit if you don’t take action to try to look on the brighter side of things. This does not mean you have to be a Pollyanna and be cheerful all the time, but with her “glad game”, she did have a point.

In the modern world, we would call it cultivating an attitude of gratitude. We might also call it reframing.

1. Being Grateful for What You Have

Instead of focusing on what you are lacking (the glass half empty), focus on and appreciate what you do have (the glass half full). You can make lists each day of a few things you are grateful for, to remind you of how fortunate you are compared with others.

2. Reframing Your Thoughts

The glass half empty versus half full is a good example of reframing. It is all a question of perspective.

For example, you might be annoyed that your boss has come to you with a last-minute rush job that is going to mean you have to stay late. You could resent and curse him (or her) under your breath. Or, you could view it as a positive. You should be flattered that the boss is turning to you for help because he knows you can get it done. You might also welcome it as a chance to show what you can do under pressure, which might one day lead to a promotion.

3. Tuning Out Negative Self-Talk

Another form of negativity most people need to learn how to cut down on is negative self-talk. If you are always criticizing yourself over the least little thing, it’s time for a change of perspective. Reframing can help here too.

Instead of focusing on the negative, try to see the positive. “I am bad at math” may be true, but you could look at it in a positive way and say, “But I can always work at it a little more so I can improve” or, “But I am really good at art.”

4. Silence Your Critics

If you have people in your life who tend to nag, criticize, or generally push your buttons, it’s time to tune them out. Either spend less time with them, tell them thanks for their feedback, or change the subject. Use any effective strategy that will stop you engaging in their negativity.

Try these strategies and see if they make a difference to your outlook on life.

Deciding Which Social Media Sites You Should Use

There’s an amazing array of social media sites out there isn’t there! They range from the “giants” like Facebook to small, niche-oriented sites you could hardly find if you didn’t know them. Whether you are an individual, a charity or a small business it’s almost impossible to create and effectively manage a profile on every site on which your target market might be found. Instead, what I would suggest you look at is choosing the most effective and most active social media networks for connecting with your customers.

Different Types of Social Media

Social media sites come in all shapes and sizes. The first step is to identify what kinds would work best to communicate your marketing messages. I have linked to some of the sites which I think are the most useful and where I haven’t provided a link and you think that it might meet your needs then they are easy to find! The main categories include:

General Sites – These are sites like Facebook and Google+ that are meant for people to hang out and connect with friends.

Microblogging – The most popular microblogging sites are Twitter and Tumblr. These sites allow you to make short posts in real-time.

Blogs – Blogs are a form of social media on which a business or individual can write posts and readers can comment. You can host your blog yourself as I do here or use a platform like Blogger or WordPress.

Video Sites – These are sites for sharing videos. The most popular is YouTube, but there are many others as well.

Coupon and Check-in Sites – Another important type of social media site is one where businesses allow users to check in to offline locations, write reviews, and get coupons. These include Groupon, Yelp, CityPages, and Foursquare.

Visually Oriented Social Media –These include image-oriented sites like Pinterest, Tumblr, and Flickr.

Music and Entertainment Sites – Some sites are excellent tools for bands and recording artists, such as MySpace and BandCamp. They’re specially designed for posting and sharing audio files.

Professional Networking Sites – Sites such as LinkedIn are primarily B2B sites for professional networking or recruiting.

Finally, there are niche-specific social media sites based around the common interests of a specific group.

Cultivating An Attitude of Gratitude

2017 is the first year that I can recall where I have started the year in the position of looking for a new role as a Learning & Development Professional. So as I am sure you can imagine I have been reflecting a lot over the days leading up to the New Year. I have taken time to consider those things in my life which I am grateful for because in that way I have been able to focus on the positive.

I wanted to share some thoughts on how we can each cultivate an attitude of gratitude. There are a number of ways to cultivate this “attitude of gratitude” so that we can recognise and feel that we are living an abundant life even when times get tough.

Below are some of what I think are the best ways to practice gratitude regularly.

Counting Your Blessings

Each morning and each evening, think of three to five things you are grateful for that day. Even on the worst day, there are things to be grateful for. If you do this daily, eventually you’ll find that you notice more positives and less negatives in your life. Several of my friends on Twitter use the #hashtag #3GoodThings to capture those good things they have experienced each day in a public forum.

Keep a Gratitude Journal

List the things you are grateful for by writing them down at the start and end of each day. Or engage in undirected writing in which you think about all the things you are grateful for and the best things about your abundance.

A gratitude journal can be particularly helpful if you know you tend to be more of a pessimist than an optimist or lean towards negative self-talk. By regularly journaling about all the things you have to be grateful for, you can maintain a positive and peaceful mind and abundant mindset – even when things start to get a bit stressful.

Meditation

Meditating means to think. There are different forms of meditation – from Zen meditation, to contemplative meditation in which you choose to think about a particular topic. With Zen meditation, the goal is to empty or quieten the mind. This is a good starting point for then being able to think more deeply about important topics in your life, such as all the things you are grateful for.

Mindfulness meditation teaches you to focus on the here and now, so you can make the most of the present as it unfolds, moment by moment, and appreciate the abundance you are experiencing.

Practice Saying “Thank You” and “I Appreciate It”

Manners cost nothing, and the positivity of thanking others and telling them how much you appreciate them is always a good way to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

Give Thanks and Pray

As I have written about elsewhere my personal faith is important to me and a source of strength and at time real challenge. However, no matter what your belief system, say thank you to any higher power you believe in for all of the abundance you have in your life. Wish the same for others. You will be amazed at the power of positive thinking.