Five Simple Ways To Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

How’s your Emotional Intelligence? Are you working to improve it? Many people are taught to stuff their feelings away. Then they become adults and they’ve lost out on how to recognise their own feelings, much less those of others. If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, try these tips.

Five Emotional Intelligence Tips That Work!

1. Notice How You Feel

The first way to improve your emotional intelligence is to simply notice how you feel at any given point in the day. Name your feelings even if you do so in your own head without voicing them. The more names you can put to your feelings, the easier it will be to start to acknowledge them to yourself and others.

2. Be Mindful of Your Behaviour

Do you find yourself being snappy, happy, or sad without knowing why? When you act in a certain way, it’s important to understand why. This way you can find out what motivates you, what makes you frustrated, and what works and does not work for you emotionally.

3. Question Your Opinions

Sometimes we surround ourselves with only like-minded individuals, and we read, watch, and participate only in ideas, news, and events that further our own preconceived ideas about life. The only way to understand why you believe what you believe is to truly examine it, along with the facts that you think you know.

4. Be Responsible for Your Own Feelings

People like to say that you can only feel the way you feel. That may be true, but you are still responsible for your feelings, why you have those feelings, and how you act regarding those feelings. Sometimes even hurt feelings are really just because you are misunderstanding someone else, and you’re responsible for ensuring that you really understand what is happening so that you know if you really have a right to be hurt or not.

5. Take Time Out Each Day to Be Grateful

Getting in touch with your feelings can sometimes bring up a lot of negative stuff. To help stay grounded, take time out each day to be thankful and grateful. A great way to accomplish this is to keep a gratitude journal that you write in each evening.

That way you can get in touch with positive feelings every night before you go to sleep. Or another simple and similar technique is to make a note of three positive things that have happened to you that day – then you will have something to look back on when you are feeling less positive.

The Company We Keep

When you are at work, do you naturally migrate towards certain people? Have you ever asked yourself what it is about those people that attract you? Are they generally quite positive people? Conversely, do you find you try to avoid people who are constantly complaining or don’t offer much help? You want to find people who are going to have a positive impact on your life. This is not just for work but every part of your life.

When things are work are challenging and you are not necessarily feeling at your most positive it can be all too easy to be drawn in by the mood hoovers who will readily reflect back the negative thoughts you are having. Rather than being positive they will be all too ready to re-enforce your doubts and insecurities! So it is at times like this that we really should be thinking carefully about who we migrate towards and look to engage with people who will help us move forward rather than dragging us down. We need to look for those who will empower us and who are focused on the way forward.

  1. You get to choose who you surround yourself with so why not choose people who will improve your life?
    You can’t help all encounters, but you can limit your exposure to people who don’t enliven you. That is your best course of action when you run into these types of people.
  2. Find people who have integrity.
    These are the people who you can trust to do what is right. They won’t throw others under the bus. It’s difficult to question people who have integrity. Another great aspect of finding these people is they will keep you in line should your integrity come into question.
  3. It’s also good to find people who are energetic and willing to solve problems.
    These people are the ones who will advance quickly in their organizations. You will recognize them as ones who do not come up with excuses and are always offering suggestions.
  4. You want to align yourself with people who are leaders.
    But, remember that great leaders are also good followers. They allow people to shine rather than dictate what others should do. You don’t want to find someone who is egotistical. By nature, the egotist is only looking out for himself (or herself).
  5. Focus on the less obvious.
    For instance, quiet people often have a perspective that boisterous people lack. They are often good listeners, and they only speak when what they say is worth saying. They won’t focus on insignificant matters. This is not true of all quiet people but try to find ones who have this insight.
  6. Stay away from people who gossip about others.
    It’s likely they are doing the same behind your back. These types of people will never be there for you when you need them. This usually stems from insecurities they hold. However, this is not your problem. If you can avoid them, it’s best to do so.

Celebrate Your Emotional Intelligence!

I have written before about EQ or EI, that is Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence, because it is a topic that fascinates me. A number of people have asked me for a basic explanation of the difference between EQ and IQ?

Whilst Intelligence Quotient (IQ) measures your general intelligence, EQ is a measure of your level of emotional intelligence. Essentially, it is a sort of emotional inventory which enables you to better understand the world around you. It is the ability to sense and understand your emotions and the emotions of others as well. If you are highly aware of the feelings of people, you will be able to build long-lasting and beneficial relationships with the people in your life.

Emotional intelligence may be the greatest tool you can carry around. If you are highly mature about sensing feelings of others and adapting to people’s moods, you can assure yourself of success in practically every area in your life.

Have you ever noticed how some people become successful even if they don’t possess your traditional idea of what intelligence is? It is because that person is emotionally stronger and more versatile. These are the people who are dynamic, the go-getters.

If you are unsure whether emotions play a crucial role in your career, then imagine yourself being given the task to execute complicated yet highly rewarding projects. An assignment of this scope usually involves a lot of decision making. Your opportunity for growth now hinges on this one task, and making adept decisions calls for a calm and steady mind. Emotional flexibility helps you to adapt to these very demanding situations. This is only when you will fully realise that emotional maturity and stability is that important!

In business, a high EQ improves performance. It can help you become more productive by improving your skills in decision making. You become a superior performer who people can count on. It’s being “street smart,” as some prefer to call it

Your emotional quotient, therefore, rests on your ability to understand others and relate effectively to them. When you know how your actions can make an impact on others, it is easier to make a decision because you now know what not to do. You are able to build strong relationships, reduce stress, and motivate yourself and others to get the job done.

To increase your emotional intelligence, you have to become aware of your feelings and of how others will react to them. You also need to learn how to empathise. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand the motives behind their actions. We know that our experiences shaped who we have become. Knowing that we have different experiences, we also value diversity. This is what makes each of us unique. Be grateful for these differences and celebrate your uniqueness as a person. When we become aware of how each of us was shaped, we become more understanding. Life, after all, is what we make of it.

To enjoy a good life, you have to be at peace with yourself and with the people that surround you. Stop finding faults. Instead, concentrate on how you can succeed despite these faults. And that is what emotional intelligence is all about!

Dealing With Negative People

In today’s world it seems inevitable that no matter how positive we try to be, sooner or later we are going to encounter negative people. In fact, you might even be surrounded by them already, and feel held back by them to the point where they sap your energy. As we all become more connected online and encounter more and more views of the world it can become quite overwhelming can’t it?

We don’t want to live in a bubble where we only engage with people that share our views and opinions because that leads to a limited perspective on life. We can encounter people who have different views than ours and express them in a respectful manner and that can be a hugely positive experience. It might even be that we learn something new and change our opinions. However, those negative people who always take a contrary view, who always dwell on the negative or who are deliberately argumentative can be incredibly draining.

So how do we deal with those negative people, their opinions and views? Here’s a few thoughts for you to consider?

Stay Positive

If a person is constantly whining and complaining, you can draw on your own reserves on energy and try to stay positive. You can note all the lessons that can be learned from what the person is upset about. You can be sad for them and wish them well. You don’t have to be dragged down by them.


You can reframe negative thoughts and situations in a more positive light. If a friend has a car crash, for example, point out that yes it was bad (after listening and expressing sympathy), but at least no one was seriously injured and the insurance will cover it sooner or later.

Point Out Their Pattern

If a person is constantly negative, they might not even realise it. Or, they might think they are “being realistic” so no one will “be disappointed” if things don’t work out. Point out their pattern of always looking on the gloomy side and see if you can give examples that will help reframe their thoughts.

Don’t Dwell on the Past

If someone is stuck in the past in relation to an event from when they were younger – accident, divorce and so on, point this out. It’s happened already and is over and done with. Move on. Don’t let the event define your entire life and affect your relationships with everyone.

Rework the Relationship

Rather than just avoid the person and not tell them why, you could try to rework the relationship. Be honest: “Spending time talking with you drains my energy and I start to feel bad about my life. Maybe we can try to do some positive things together that will give us both some more positive energy.”

Suggest a walk, a workout, seeing a funny movie together, whatever. If you still can’t shift the dynamic, it might be time to start surrounding yourself with more positive people.

Positive energy brings positive feelings. Don’t let negative people drain you.