personal development Archives - Page 10 of 16

When Might We Need To Be Resilient?

In the previous post I looked at what we mean by resilience and now want to look at when we might need to be resilient. Resilience is a useful character trait that some say increases with age. When we are young, we learn over time that we can’t get everything we want. We also discover that bad things do happen to good people, and with each challenge, we learn how to deal with the bad as well as the good in life.

For example, it’s nice to win when we play a game, but chances are that we can’t win every time. Can we shrug off a loss as “no big deal” or get upset about it and potentially be seen as a sore loser? Or want to quit entirely? Think about Michael Phelps. He is probably one of the greatest Olympians of all time, but I am fairly certain that even he has lost a few races on the way to getting there.

In fact, his first games when he was 16 could well have been his last, since his performance was less than impressive. But he has shown persistence and resilience in the face of tough times throughout his career that would have made others who were less resilient give up and retire.

We would all love to get 100% on every test at school, but it’s often when we make mistakes and get a less than perfect score that the real learning occurs.

As we grow up, we get exposed to more and more situations in which we have choices about what to do. Supportive parents will give advice and encouragement in order to increase our ability to think independently and develop resilience.

“Helicopter” parents who constantly hover over their children, and/or try to protect or shield them from anything bad in life, obviously care about their kids. However, they may be doing them a severe disservice by not allowing them to be exposed to situations that could develop and improve their resilience.

We can probably remember big events in our lives, such as a pet dying, changing houses, or a parent becoming sick. We might also remember seeing someone being bullied and needing to decide what to do in that situation. Did we just walk away, pretending it wasn’t happening? Did we run to get a teacher or other adult? Or did we try to stop the bullying then and there because we had confidence in ourselves and knew it was the right thing to do?

Sometimes our good actions don’t always have the effect we had hoped for. Did you ever have a situation in which you tried to do the right thing, but it backfired? Did you consider you had failed? Or was it a learning moment in which you learned how to deal with things better the next time something similar happened?

Being resilient does not mean being perfect. It doesn’t mean being free of difficulties or worries. It is only natural to feel sad and pained if something major happens in your life. What being resilient does mean is being able to find a road back to emotional stability and a happy life rather than allowing the event to cripple you to a point where you find it hard to move on.

You might wish to get a promotion at work, but seem to be hitting a glass ceiling all the time. In this case, there are several things you can do.

Quit in a huff
Give up and look for another job elsewhere
Assess your performance honestly to see where you might be lacking
Take on a new project that could make a real difference to the company
Get more training in particular areas where you feel you could be stronger
Start your own business in order to use all of the skills and talents you feel are going to waste in your current position

…and so on.

As you can see, there are many different choices in this situation. In some cases, doing several at the same time can add up to big results. The one thing that a resilient person does not do is give up and do nothing, or act as though their entire life was over.

An honest self-assessment could lead you to an entirely new career path you might not have thought of. Getting more training can also open new doors. Starting your own business will always involve some sacrifice in the beginning, such as giving up TV and lazy weekends. However, it could mean more money and a more comfortable financial set of circumstances, so that if you get a £1,000 car repair bill all of a sudden, you won’t need to worry about it because you have the cash in the bank.

There are many difficult situations in life that require resilience, such as:

Sickness
The death of a loved one
Divorce
The break-up of an important relationship
The loss of a job
Money issues
An accident
A natural disaster

In many instances, it isn’t a case of IF, but WHEN a difficult life event will arise.

That being the case, the more you can do to prepare yourself mentally for these kinds of challenges, the more you can develop your resilience. In the next post I will take a look at how we can become more resilient.

Challenges Ahead and Being Resilient

We often hear the word resilience as a quality to be admired, but what does it really mean? Why is it important, and how can you cultivate it within yourself? Those are some of the questions I want to consider over the next few posts.

I know from my own experience currently of looking for a new role as a Learning and Development Professional and from talking to others that resilience is something we all need to develop as we contend with what life exposes us to.

Resilience, or psychological resilience, can make all the difference between success and failure. It can help you lead a happy life in which you are able to look on the bright side no matter what happens, even when you experience serious challenges or issues.

Resilience is a state of mind. A resilient person is strong and self-confident enough to feel like they can cope with whatever life throws at them without falling apart.

Does this sound like you? Or do you wish you could be more resilient? Over the next few posts I want to cover what resilience is, why it is important, and how to develop it in yourself and help others develop it – both at home and in the workplace.

So let’s start with a definition of what resilience is and why it is an important characteristic to possess.

What is Resilience?

According to the dictionary, resilience can be defined as, “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” I also quite like the definition when applied to an “object” which is “the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape” as this gives is a very visual sense of what it looks like.

You may have noticed that some people seem to be able to cope with even the most difficult conditions without complaining, giving up, or getting depressed and upset. What most people would consider to be disasters, such as a hurricane and all the damage it causes, a resilient person will seem to take in their stride. They will be upset, naturally, but they won’t let their emotions take over at the expense of logic and all the practical things that need to be done to deal with the situation. Many of us will be familiar with having to look for a new job and encountering the seemingly endless silence of the recruiters when applying for roles. I wrote about how resilient we need to be in those sort of situations here.

Put simply, resilience is a strong ability to cope and adjust to new situations, even difficult ones, as they happen. A resilient person can get back to normal quite quickly after an illness, or adjust to a new normal, such as a new set of circumstances that arise as a result being made redundant or some other significant change.

We all have to face difficult situations in life when they arise, but resilience means not allowing them to become fearful or running away from them. Rather, it is an active process of understanding that you have choices in every situation, and trying to make the smartest ones that will lead to a happy or contented life once more.

Now that we’ve covered what resilience is, in the next post I will look at the kinds of situations in which resilience can be very useful.

The Little Engine That Could – Positive About Affirmations

One of the pieces of advice I always give people who are job searching is to focus on the positives. That’s advice I am taking myself as I undertake a search for a new Learning and Development role.

As I have been reflecting on my experience and skills one of things that I recalled was when I first encountered the concept of Positive Affirmations some years ago. It was the Lou Tice Investment in Excellence programme which I recall at the time I approached with a healthy degree of cynicism. However, whilst some of the claims that I have seen made for Positive Affirmations since then, have brought out that cynicism in me I must admit I do find them helpful in terms of focusing on my own skills and knowledge.

I am sure you have encountered those who try to convince you that by simply telling yourself something you can become it/achieve it. Whilst I don’t subscribe to that approach I do believe that using positive affirmations as part of our self-talk (which I have written about previously) can have a very positive impact on how we approach challenges such as finding a new job.

So I wanted to take a moment or two to re-visit what positive affirmations are all about and to share some thoughts about them.

What Are Affirmations?

Think of affirmations as words and sentences with the power to transform. By saying them out loud or to yourself, they have the power to affect both your conscious and subconscious mind in order to stimulate your emotions, encourage, and inspire. They are a form of positive self-talk, and also guided imagery to a certain extent. You picture your own success, and that all your efforts are working towards that better future.

Finding affirmations that work for you in all areas of your life can help you get “unstuck” and move forward with a renewed sense of energy and empowerment. We do not have to be a helpless victim of circumstance.

Instead of having a coach give you a pep talk before the interview, you will already be psyching yourself up to perform well through your personal affirmations.

Affirmations are just one of many tools for personal and professional success, but they can also be one of the most powerful if you find affirmations that resonate with you, and use them on a regular basis. There are many free affirmations available on the internet that you can use, or you can make up your own based on your own personal circumstances.

Affirmations can help you transform your life for a number of reasons. They can play many different roles, including:

Motivating
Focusing your mind and efforts on the goal
Tapping into the power of your subconscious
Countering negative self-talk with positive self-talk
Pushing out self-doubt and self-criticism with “can do” messages
Enhancing your self-esteem

If you struggle with a lack of confidence, affirmations can put you on a whole new path to success. Remember the Little Engine that Could? His affirmation was, “I think I can, I think I can.”

Four Leadership Assessment Tools

There are a number of leadership assessment tools that can help you decide if you have what it takes to be a leader, or to spot your strengths and weaknesses as a leader. In this way you can make the most of your opportunities and really start to shine. You can find many of these types of tools however the four that follow are certainly worth taking a look at:

1. Myers Briggs Tests

More and more human resources departments require candidates to take the Myers Briggs personality test in an attempt to determine what kind of worker they will be. There are 16 different personality types, with the classifications based on four main factors:

1 – Are you outwardly or inwardly focused?
* Extrovert (E)
* Introvert (I)

2 – How do you take in information
* Sensing (S)
* Intuition (N)

3 – How do you make decisions
* Thinking (T)
* Feeling (F)

4 – How do you live your outer life?
* Judging (J)
* Perceiving (P)

These four factors can be combined into 16 personality types, such as:
ENTJ, the commander
ESTJ, the executive
ESTP, the entrepreneur
INFP, the mediator

Take the free test at MBTI and read your results. Determine how accurate the report is. You may gain some insight into your leadership style and learn more about your strengths and weaknesses as a leader.

2. Kellogg School of Management Tools

The Kellogg School of Management, part of Northwestern University, has a very useful page of tools: the Leadership Assessment Tool Inventory, which offers a range of exercises you can take to learn more about your leadership style. Modules include:

* Gaining Power and Influence
* Using Influence Strategies
* Effective Empowerment and Delegation
* How Creative Are You?

Take all the exercises at Kellogg and use what you learn to improve your leadership skills.

3. The Mind Tools Website

This interesting site offers a range of free tools to test your business and career-related skills. The free test at https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_50.htm will give you a score and detailed feedback on what you should do to improve your leadership skills, plus suggestions for further reading and self-help activities.

They also offer a leadership motivation tool on Mind Tools that can help you determine how motivated you are to be a leader, both in terms of wanting the responsibility and helping others.

4. Benchmarks Assessments

The Center for Creative Leadership (CCL) offers a range of what they term benchmark assessments to help determine how effective a leader a person is on CCL

The four modules available are:
* Executives
* Managers
* Learning agility
* Design

You can take the tests yourself. You can also be certified as a test administrator so you could give the test to others interested in improving their skills, such as if you were working as a leadership coach or consultant. Pricing is based on the size of a group, so you and any colleagues who might aspire to leadership might all wish to take it.

There are many leadership assessment tools that can help you work towards a leadership position, or improve your skills to become a better leader. Take the time and effort to invest in yourself to become a better leader, and see what a difference it can make to your life and the lives of everyone you are leading.

Identifying Your Current Leadership Skills and Experience

One of the most important aspects of being a good leader is being able to assess your strengths and weaknesses honestly and do what you can to play to them on the one hand, and minimize them on the other.

The first thing to consider in relation to your current leadership skills and experience is whether you are in any sort of leadership role at the moment. You might not think you’re a leader because you don’t have a fancy title, but you would be surprised at how influential you might actually be in your company without even realizing it – or getting the credit for it.

For example, if you’re the person everyone comes to when they have a problem, you’ve clearly got leadership potential. If your boss or manager is always asking you to head up projects and initiatives, then you’re obviously functioning as a leader.

If you often help other staff through teaching them what you know, then you are also ready for a leadership role. It is just a case of having your role recognized and hopefully getting a title and salary increase to go with it.

If you’ve already served as a leader in the past, or are doing so now, how did it go? Did you have any issues with your own performance? Were there issues with the team? Or were there problems with both?

Being honest about what might have gone wrong and what could have been done better could make all the difference in your level of success if you get another chance to become a leader.

Or maybe you discovered that being a leader wasn’t all you had hoped it was going to be? In this case, assessing what went wrong and your own skills and abilities can help you decide whether you really want to climb the corporate ladder, or stay where you are. There’s nothing wrong with that if you do.

Remember, being a leader isn’t just about getting the best things in the company, but also the responsibility and accountability that goes with the role. The responsibilities could involve significant sacrifices in terms of time, effort, and your personal life. Therefore, it’s important to take a 360-degree look at the impact of a promotion on your family and friends if you were to adopt a leadership role.