personal development Archives - Page 11 of 16

What Defines a Leader?

I have been having a number of discussions of late on the topic of leadership which has made me reflect on some of the basics. What is it that defines a Leader today?

Being a good leader is about more than being a manager. It has nothing to do with your seniority level, your title, or being “blessed” with a leadership personality. Leadership is all about focusing on success, with each person in your company or team inspired by your example and willing to follow your lead.

Some people may appear to be born leaders, but the truth is that it can be learned. Attitude is often everything. If you think you can, you will. If you show you care about others, they will care about you and their job, or the task at hand.

These days there are all sorts of leaders, from the heads of corporations to community and church groups to online, with “thought leaders” in various niches and industries, and “trend leaders” who are seen to be worth paying attention to. No one had ever heard of Arianna Huffington until she launched her blog, and even then, it took her some time to become a thought leader to the extent that she was able to sell her company AND be offered a C-level position within it by the new owners.

As you can see, a leader possesses certain qualities which enable them to lead, such as influence and effectiveness. They may lead alone, or be part of a group, with the responsibility for making decisions on behalf of others. Leaders provide guidance and direction. It is not just about command, control and power, but effectiveness and persuasiveness as well.

Whether you think that leaders are born or made, or a bit of both, there are several characteristics that many powerful leaders tend to have in common, and which seem to be lacking in those who are less effective leaders. These characteristics include:

Hard-working
Goal-oriented
Visionary
Creative
Proactive, not reactive
Personable
Motivating
Laser focused
Willing and able to see the whole picture
Resilient
Confident
Self-aware
Good communication skills
Responsible
Reliable
Honest
Able to transform stress into success

I will take a look at each of these below.

Hard-Working

Many top leaders have been described as tireless, always striving to achieve their goals. It is probably no coincidence that many of them do not even own a television. They work towards their own vision instead, using a variety of strategies, tactics and innovations. Many seem to need little sleep as well, and are always alert and full of ideas.

Goal-Oriented

Are you the kind of person who likes to get things done? Do people come to you and ask you to do something for them and know you will follow through? Not everyone is goal-oriented, but those who are may end up being effective leaders.

Visionary

Good leaders do not just look at how things are, but also how they could be. They seek to improve things, usually for the benefit of more people than just themselves. They are constantly creating based on their vision or the potential of what they are trying to create or transform. They will use a variety of strategies and tactics to make their vision a reality.

Creative

Good leaders tend to be very creative or even innovative people who “think outside the box” and are able to come up with a variety of ideas and solutions which no one else has thought of. They lead by example and do not follow others slavishly.

Proactive not Reactive

Good leaders make things happen. They are the “movers and shakers” in their area of expertise. They tend to be known in their industry as the kind of person who is always at least a few steps ahead of everyone else. Again, they do not follow others slavishly; in fact, many people want to imitate them.

Personable

A leader tends to be a people person – someone who derives lots of energy from being around people and working with their team or for them. Such extroverted personalities make great leaders, but introverts are not barred from leadership either. You can have a love for people and still be introverted. In this case, you just respond differently to interacting with others, and would be seen as a good listener rather than a great talker.

Motivating

Good leaders know how to motivate, even when (or especially when) times are tough. They can often get the best out of people who might not even think themselves capable of such great achievements.

Laser Focused

A good leader has a clear vision and purpose and does not allow himself or herself to be distracted or diverted away from that purpose. Think of the difference between a light bulb and a laser. Both use beams of light, but the bulb scatters the beams of light in every direction. A laser uses the beams of light with such focused concentration that they can literally cut through solid substances.

Willing and Able to See the Whole Picture

A leader has laser-like focus to try to accomplish their goals, but the best leaders will take both a focused and a broad view that encompasses a wide variety of factors which can contribute to their success, or hold them back from it.

Resilient

Resilience means bouncing back even when things go wrong. Good leaders aren’t daunted; they learn from what’s happened and press on.

Confident

A belief in himself/herself can sometimes be the only thing that sustains a leader through his/her climb to the top, and the often slippery slope he or she will have to live on once they get there. Even if a leader is not truly confident, they can often “fake it ’til they make it” and convey a sense of command and authority despite being faced with great difficulties.

Self-Aware

Leaders tend to be self-aware with reference to their weaknesses and strengths, but not to the point of letting either one rule them.

Good Communication Skills

True leaders are able to communicate their vision and get people to participate in it. They do their best to “keep people on the same page” within their company or team, while also retaining control of privileged information.

Responsible

Good leaders should not shy away from responsibility. If they take on a task, they should follow it through to its logical conclusion. If they make a mistake, they should admit it and not let someone else take the blame or try to cover it up.

Reliable

Good leaders are reliable and follow through with all of the work assigned to them. They do not make excuses, but deliver what is expected of them on time.

Honest

Leaders in history have possessed this characteristic in varying degrees, but on the whole, they should not be corrupt, greedy or adopt a leadership role simply for their own benefit. If they give their word, they should keep it if it is at all possible.

Able to Transform Stress into Success

Leaders feel stress just like anyone else. It is a question of what they do with that stress. For many people, it is the fight or flight response. Either they will make a stand and work hard to deal with the situation, or they will run from it and try to pretend it doesn’t exist. A good leader will make a stand.

In the next post in this short series I will take a look at four leadership styles, and the pros and cons of each.

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

As I have observed in my recent posts the concept of emotional intelligence (EI) has become a hot topic of psychological research in recent years, as a way of explaining why some people seem to manage their relationships at home and in the workplace better than others. Instead of Intelligence Quotient (IQ), researchers began to study Emotional Quotient (EQ) – the ability to manage your own emotions and “read” those of others accurately. So why is emotional intelligence so important?

Importance at Home

The advantages of understanding the emotions of others in relation to your home life are obvious. Good EI skills mean better communication, and better communication will usually lead to greater harmony and intimacy in terms of romance. In relation to parents, it will lead to more successful establishment of your independence and overall personality. You won’t need to live according to the labels you’ve been given, such as “mother’s little helper” or “the man of the house.”

Once you become a parent, you will be able to avoid the pitfalls of labeling your children, and allow them to develop and grow according to their talents and interests, not yours. Most parents would love it if their children grew up to be doctors, for example, due to that profession’s perceived status and money-earning potential. However, if you child is not the least bit interested in science and shows no compassion for others, trying to steer their career in that direction would be a disaster for the parties concerned.

Knowing yourself is the best first step to knowing others, so if you’ve been struggling at home, it might be time to assess your EI.

Importance in the Workplace

EI has become of great interest in relation to the workplace. Businesses are made up of people, and the most successful business people have been shown to have high EI – not just intelligence in relation to their career or industry.

As with personal relationships, EI in professional relationships starts with self-awareness. Once we understand our emotions, we can control them and express them in a skillful, not harmful way. We can also understand the thoughts, feelings and points of view of others, and be able to respond to their issues appropriately.

Importance in General

EI is important for a number of reasons:

Mental health and wellbeing – Mastering EI puts us in control of our mind and emotions. It resolves issues from the past and gives us confidence to move toward a better future.
Physical health – Being in control of your emotions puts you in control of your life, cutting down on stress and conflict. This means less wear and tear on your body and better health.
Better communication – If you say what you mean, mean what you say, and become a better communicator who is able to pick up up verbal and non-verbal cues, you will be able to make more connections and reduce conflict.
Better conflict resolution – Even if conflicts do arise despite your increased EI, chances are that they will be easier to resolve because you will be better able to come up with a range of ways to end the issue before it gets out of hand.
More success – Getting along better with others means a smoother path to greater success.
Better negotiating skills – Better EI will improve your negotiating skills, so you will be able to come up with “win-win” deals everyone will be happy with.
Better leadership skills – A leader who is calm, cool, collected, and good at working with others is one other people will be willing to follow. Improve your EI and see what a difference it can make to your life.

Six Simple Ways to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence

In my last post I looked at what Emotional Intellifence (EI) is. In summary Emotional Intelligence can be defined as the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one’s own feelings, as well as engage successfully with those of others. Studies have shown that the most successful people in the workplace are those with high EI, while those who are the lowest performers have low EI.

EI is essential for harmonious relationships at work and home. As with most things in life, if we are willing to study and put in the effort, we can improve our EI and therefore our relationship – not just with others, but with ourselves as well.

Here are six ways to increase your EI.

1. Look Within

Many people tend to blame others for their emotions. “He made me feel bad when he said…” or “She really hurt me.”

No one makes us feel or do anything. Our feelings appear and disappear like waves in the ocean. It is up to us if we choose to focus on them or not. For example, anger can arise suddenly, but people might cling onto it for ages, holding grudges, not speaking to family members for years, and so on.

2. Recognise and Reduce Reactions

By recognising our emotions, we can start to get them under control. Note that “control” does not mean “suppress.” It means to express them in a healthy and productive way. Using the anger example, some people shout, scream and throw things. Others go silent and refuse to speak to the other person involved.

3. Leann to Express Emotions in a Healthier Way

Once you have identified an emotion you would like to handle more skillfully, it will be time to come up with strategies that can prevent the emotion from running away with you. For example, some people count to ten before they say anything if they feel anger is rising, in order to give themselves a bit of distance from the emotion and not let the heat of the moment cause them to do anything they might later regret.

4. Understand Better the Emotions of Others

Listening to others and observing them are two steps to better understanding of those around you. If you’ve been struggling in a relationship, try to take a step back and view the person with fresh eyes. Don’t assume or rush to judge. Also, don’t take anything for granted. The longer you have known someone, the more you might think you “know” them, but people can sometimes deceive us, and even themselves if they are not in tune with their emotions.

5. Avoid Jumping to Conclusions

Sometimes we think it is all about us, when in fact a person’s reaction might have no connection to us at all. Your boss might seem angry, so you think it is about you, your work, or that they are planning to fire you. Your mind can jump to all sorts of conclusions, but the only way you will really be able to try to find out what’s wrong is if you ask.

Of course, the person might then tell you to mind your own business, or lie and say there’s nothing wrong, both of which are communication stoppers and might even make things worse. But, don’t assume that another person’s feelings are to do with you.

6. Learn to Express Your Feelings Proactively

Once you have started to recognize and control your emotions, it will be time to take the next step – conveying them to others when needed. This does not mean sharing every feeling, but only ones that make you feel distant from the other person and need to be resolved if you are going to grow closer once more.

Use these six ways to increase your EI and see what a difference they can make to your relationships.

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

We are hearing a lot about Emotional Intelligence at the moment but what exactly is it and why is it important and so popular?

Emotional intelligence can be defined as the ability to control and express our emotions in a healthy way, and to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others in an appropriate way. Many people focus on their IQ or Intelligence Quotient, but psychological studies have shown that there is also a thing known as an Emotional Quotient (EQ), and that those with a high EQ tend to do well in both their careers and social situations.

Defining Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI) was first explored in the 1930s in the US and by the 1990s had become a mainstream concept used to help people with anger management and other issues monitor their own feelings and actions, and better grasp the effects of their emotions on other people. By also learning how to read the feelings and emotions of others, better communication could take place, and relationships improved.

The Four Aspects of Emotional Intelligence

Researchers have created a model of EI that is said to have four parts:

Recognizing emotions
Reasoning using emotions
Understanding emotions
Managing emotions

1. Recognizing

The first step in understanding emotions is to recognise them, and be able to identify them accurately. This will often include tapping into one’s own inner truth to sort out anger, disappointment, embarrassment, and other emotions. These might all be expressed in the same way by a person lacking in EI, who might demonstrate anger in all of these instances.

It might also be a case of recognising their own body language and the unconscious messages they are sending, and picking up on the non-verbal cues others are giving them, such as facial expression and body language. Standing too far away or too close to someone, for example, sends out certain messages they need to be able to read in themselves and others.

2. Reasoning Using Emotions

Human beings are not robots. We make many decisions in relation to our emotions, though we might not realise it. We will often do things on the spur of the moment due to mood. However, reasoning means getting the emotions under control and using them to make logical decisions based on who the person is and the life they wish to lead. Emotions help us focus on what’s important to us and filter out what isn’t important.

3. Understanding Emotions

We can usually identify emotions, but are not always able to interpret what they mean. For example, we can all spot anger in most cases, but need to get at the heart of why the anger has been triggered. However, not everyone who experiences anger shouts or throws things. Sometimes their reaction is a lot subtler, such as silence, sarcasm, or simply walking away.

Understanding emotions is also about not taking things personally. Is your boss really angry with you, or are they angry at the guy who cut him off in the parking lot?

4. Managing Emotions

Managing emotions is an essential part of EI, with your expression of emotions appropriate to the situation and context. Shouting, screaming and throwing things might be appropriate when you are two, but not when you are an adult – and certainly not in the office in front of all your colleagues.

Those who are able to regulate their emotions and not get ruffled no matter how stressful things get, are seen to be a reliable person in control of their life. Those who fly off the handle at the least little thing are seen to be unreliable and out of control, and therefore someone who needs to be dealt with cautiously.

If you’ve been struggling with relationships, it’s time to learn more about your EI.

Ready, Steady, Go! Becoming Personally Empowered

In my earlier post I looked at What Is Personal Empowerment? and asked you to evaluate where you are right now. Once you have evaluated yourself honestly, without being arrogant or hypercritical, you will have two lists: what you do well, and what you wish you could do better. Next, tackle each item on your list, one by one.

Personal empowerment may sound selfish, like it is all about you. However, the truth is that making yourself into a better person, the person you truly wish to be, extends benefits outwards – like a stone being thrown in a pond and the effect rippling outwards. By looking inward, you can improve your relationships at home, work and so on. You will feel less trapped and more in control of your own life.

You will be able to deal with problems more easily and set and achieve goals. These might be personal ones, or career-related ones. No matter which, you are more likely to be a better friend, spouse, parent, work colleague and so on if you feel empowered, not a helpless victim of circumstances.

You will work better as a team, and thanks to your opportunities for personal growth, you will achieve a new sense of fulfillment. Just think how liberating it will be to get rid of the nagging feeling of discontent that might be harming your career and personal relationships.

But before you start getting too enthusiastic about the idea of personal empowerment and development, it is important to realize that the process will not always be an easy and comfortable one. The goals you set may be harder than you think. Looking inward may bring up a range of issues you might have been burying for years.

Personal empowerment will involve making some changes to your life, which is not always an easy process. The degree of change required will differ from person to person, depending on the individual starting point and goal. You will also have to watch out for self-sabotage, and sabotage from others.

Dealing with Self-Sabotage and Sabotage from Others

Neither you nor they might even realize your efforts are being sabotaged, because change can be very stressful and intimidating for yourself and others. Let’s look at the example of weight loss, which many people need to deal with these days, and the ways you might sabotage yourself or be sabotaged by others – either consciously or unconsciously.

On the one hand, you would like to look great in your clothes, happy, healthy and fit. On the other hand, it might be easier to stay the way you are than to make a lot of changes and then have to deal with being more “visible” and “attractive,” especially if you are a shy person.

In relation to your family and friends, they might secretly feel jealous of your better body. Family members also tend to pigeon-hole us into certain categories and behaviors. You might be the “fat” one, or the one with “the big appetite.” At family gatherings, well-meaning relatives might encourage you to eat more: “Go on, have a little.”

They might even fill up your plate, putting you in an awkward position because you don’t want to overeat, but you also don’t want to be rude to your hosts.

Predicting trouble spots and learning strategies to cope with these kinds of situations will be an important part of personal empowerment. Setting boundaries and sticking to them as needed, or letting them relax a little, can keep you on target with your goals. They can also help you build on the foundation of your accomplishments. Just because you eat one small piece of candy does not mean your entire diet is ruined and you should just give up and go back to the way you used to eat.

Self-awareness, setting values and sticking to those values, or adjusting them as needed, are all part of personal empowerment and development. So too will be gaining the skills you need to succeed in your endeavors.