Tag: personal development

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Making Room For You

What’s decluttering your home got to do with personal development you might well be wondering? Actually, quite a lot! In the last post I asked you to consider some questions around whether you are living the life you want. Our personal space, home and surroundings can have quite a significant impact on us and in order to live well we often need to think about making room.

Making room is often about decluttering. You may have a house full of stuff and if you look at those belongings honestly, you may realize that they don’t serve you. They don’t make you happy. They don’t solve any problems and they may actually create problems for you. Clutter is actually stressful, so let’s talk about how you can begin to get rid of what’s getting in your way.

Start Slowly

It’s tempting to just rent a dumpster and start getting rid of your stuff. And if that’s really what you want to do, okay. However, a better approach is to systematically go through your home room by room. Take time to consider whether something supports you or whether it’s time to get rid of it. The reason to start slowly is that often when people purge their home in a weekend, they get rid of things that they later need to replace. That’s a waste of your time and money.

Room by Room

Go through your home room by room. If you’re feeling ambitious then start in your most cluttered room. It might be your kitchen or your bedroom.

The Four Pile Approach

Many organization experts recommend making four piles. They are: Keep, Donate, Toss, and Sell. The items you keep are the items that you love, that support you to live your perfect life, and that you know you’ll be using and loving years from now.

Donate items that are in good condition. Toss the broken stuff and the stuff that you know people won’t really want. Sell the items that you can get good money for. Consider holding a yard sale or listing the items on an auction site.

The 10-10-10 Approach

Another approach is to try to donate, sell, and toss ten items each week. Or you can strive to get rid of one thing each day. The approach you take depends largely on your current clutter and your needs.

Create Systems

Once you’ve decluttered, it’s important to make sure that there is an organized space for everything that remains. This means making sure your closets, pantry, and other storage areas are organized and that they support you.

You might wonder why decluttering is so important. Essentially, it gives you a clean slate. It allows you to get rid of the things that are not supporting you to live your best life and it forces you to truly prioritize on the things that you want and need in your life. In the next post we’ll take a look at setting goals so that you’re able to live better with what you have.

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Are You Living Well? Asking Questions!

For a growing number of people, “living well” is being redefined. Instead of filling your life with material goods and splurging on luxury items, to them living well means living a life that you love. It’s about living your life on your own terms, free from the constraints of having to fit into a predetermined category, career, or lifestyle.

Living well means designing a life that is rewarding, satisfying, and focused on supporting who you are and what you want from this life. Most people come to this way of thinking after finding themselves surrounded by items that don’t really make them happy. They may have the prettiest house, the best car and the latest designer clothes. But if they’re not happy, then it’s not serving them.

A shift is needed and it begins by living well with what you have. This may mean simplifying. It might mean making major changes. Ultimately, it’s about being happier and creating a life that supports you to be you.

Over the next few posts I want to share tips, steps, and ideas to help you start thinking about ensuring that you are living a life that supports you to be happier with who you are and what you have.

The tips are divided into categories to help you organise your thoughts and start in a place that feels right to you. The categories include the following:

  • Asking questions
  • Making room
  • Setting goals and changing habits
  • Moving forward

So let’s start where the journey to understanding who we are and who we want to be should begin and that is with asking ourselves some probing questions.

Asking Questions

The first step to knowing what you want and who you are is to start asking questions and providing honest answers. Consider grabbing a pencil and paper or a journal and writing down the questions and your answers.

What do you like about your life?

Take a look at your life. Explore the things that you do, where you work, and how you spend your time. Take a look at the people in your life and the items that you’re surrounded by. What makes you happy? What do you love about your life? If you had to prioritize three aspects of your life, what would they be?

Answering this question will help you begin to see what’s important to you. You might discover that some of the things that you love most are things that you spend very little time on. For example, you may love to travel but realize that traveling is at the bottom of your current priority list.

What could you do without?

Now take a look at your life and explore the elements of your life that you could do without. These might be people, hobbies, habits, and material items. You may find that you are surrounded by things and people that you really don’t care for.

Answering this question will highlight the aspects of your life that may be getting in the way of spending your time and energy on things you love.

How do you spend your time?

Do you spend your time on activities and people that you find rewarding and fulfilling? Or do you spend your time on activities that make you unhappy? Chances are it’s a little bit of both. Spend a week or so tracking how you spend your time. You might even document how much time you spend on each activity.

Answering this question will help you begin to see how you can make changes to your life so that you’re able to spend more time on things that make you feel happy. For example, you might find that you spend eight hours a week cleaning your home and you’d much rather spend that time writing a mystery. You can then begin to find ways to make changes to your lifestyle so that you’re supported to write more and clean less.

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Take a little time to assess your own personal strengths and weaknesses. This information will also support you to begin to make positive change in your life. For example, you might know that you are disorganized. You can then take steps to find solutions to help you be more organized, assuming that organization supports you to live a happier life.

What does a perfect day look like?

Imagine your perfect day. We’re not talking about a day being fed bonbons on the French Riviera. That sounds like a perfect day for sure, but it’s not the norm. We’re talking about a normal perfect day for you.

For example, a normal perfect day for someone who aspires to write mysteries might start with an hour of writing, a day at a job they love, and then time in the evening with loved ones relaxing, talking, laughing and reading.

What currently supports you?

Take a look around you. What currently supports you to move your life toward your description of a perfect day? This can be anything from material possessions to people. For example, the person who wants to write more and clean less might be supported by a partner who is happy to clean a little more, or a vacant space in the house might be easily converted to a writing office.

What doesn’t support you?

Taking a look at your surroundings in a different manner will help you see what’s getting in your way. A large house that needs a lot of cleaning may be something that doesn’t support the aspiring writer.

A giant car payment for the person who wants to cut back on overtime and work less is another example. A £20 a week coffee shop habit for the person who is struggling to pay off debt and obtain financial freedom is a third example. You get the idea. What’s preventing you from living your perfect day?

These questions are difficult to answer and it may take you a few days, even a week or two, to answer them all as completely and honestly as possible. Once you’ve answered the questions, you can begin to start making changes to your life.

In the next post I will ask you to take a look at the concept of making room in your life so that you can live well with what you have.

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How To Stop Taking Criticism So Personally

How do you feel when someone criticises you? If you’re like many people then your reaction and response depend on a number of factors. It may depend on who is criticizing you. Your mood that day and disposition can also play an important role. Of course it can also depend on how they criticize you and what they’re commenting on.

Regardless of the situation, you can change your reaction to the criticism. You can learn to control your emotional reaction to criticism and not let it impact your self-esteem.

1. Evaluate the Source

When you’re receiving criticism it’s important to evaluate the source. A perfect stranger posting a comment online is much different than hearing something negative from your significant other. The deliverer of the criticism is important. What’s equally as important is the motivation for their criticism. Are they trying to help or hurt? Understanding the source of the criticism can help you frame it better.

2. Look for the Benefit

Assuming that the feedback is coming from someone who is trying to help, then focus on what you have to gain from the criticism. For example, a writer who hears from their editor that the dialogue feels forced can take that information and improve their dialogue. They can become a better writer. There is power in listening to criticism.

3. Detach from the Feedback

What other people think about your skills, characteristics, knowledge and so on actually has no impact on who you are as a person. Their opinion isn’t your reality – it’s theirs. And vice versa – just because you think someone is cruel doesn’t make them cruel. Detach from the feedback and remember that it doesn’t define you. You define you.

Feedback and criticism can be difficult to take under any circumstances. Remember who you are. Learn from the feedback and remember to pay attention to the person delivering the criticism. How much does their opinion really matter to you?

One characteristic of good self-esteem is the willingness to be assertive and to go after what you want. In my next post I will take a look at how to be more assertive.

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Is Detachment the Key to Better Self-esteem?

When you think about the word “detachment” you may have a negative impression. After all, when we use the word we often think about people that are disconnected from the world and from others. But the truth is that detachment can play a very important role in your success, as well as your happiness.

Let’s take a look at what we mean by detachment and then talk about how it impacts your self-esteem.

What Is Detachment?

The dictionary definition of detachment is a lack of emotion or of personal interest, and/or the act or process of separating something from a larger thing. That’s all fine and good, but how does it relate to self-esteem? Let’s look at an example:

You’re at work and a co-worker criticizes an email that you sent to your team. Detachment means that you’re able to hear her criticism and take any relevant and useful pieces to make positive change, and let go of the rest. You don’t let her comment impact you emotionally, nor does it affect how you feel about yourself.

Sounds pretty great, right? How wonderful would it be to hear feedback and criticism and not have an emotional reaction to it? You’d be able to learn and grow but not take a hit to your self-esteem. The same is true for praise. When you’re detached, you’re able to receive praise without it affecting your self-esteem.

Isn’t Detachment Bad?

Not letting others impact your emotional wellbeing and self-esteem isn’t a bad thing. It’s perfectly okay to separate your self-worth and self-esteem from others. Your self-esteem is answered by the question, “How do I feel about who I am?” It doesn’t get answered by, “How do I feel about how others think about me?”

Detaching from what others think about you and how they communicate with you is a good thing. After all, whether someone thinks you did a good job or a bad job doesn’t impact who you are, right? You know who you are, so hold on to that.

Speaking of knowing who you are, have you met people who may have too much self-esteem? In the next post I will attempt to answer the question, “Can you have too much self-esteem?”

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Read All About It!

There are few of us who, including those of us who work in Learning and Development, who can change or move forward in their lives without some kind of help. It might be help in the form of a coach or mentor to help you grow. It could be support from friends and family who keep you motivated. Another form of help and one of my personal favourites is reading about whatever you want to change daily to stay motivated.

How can reading about something keep you motivated?

Reading blogs and books about the very thing you want to change helps you learn the way others have overcome that same challenge and gone on to meet their goals. Reading can give you inspiration to continue striving toward your own goal. It gives you the ideas and steps you need to take to reach a certain goal.

Books and blogs are a great way to do some research on what you want to do. Reading about what you want to change or achieve grounds you so you know what to expect. Books about your subject will give ideas about the difficulties you might face while moving forward.

  • If you want to gain new skills, read about how others have successfully developed themselves and how they have applied them.
  • If you want to build a successful business, read about successful business people.

Knowing what others have experienced in similar situations lets you adapt and try their solutions along with your own. Their stories can help lessen the worries and challenges you might face along the way.

The Types of Reading

Quotes. Reading inspirational quotes daily can motivate you to continue to take action on your goal. Put your favorite quote on your screensaver. Post quotes on your wall or your whiteboard. Have motivational quotes on your smartphone or tablet.

Read motivational books. Books that help you change your way of thinking can be a great source of inspiration when your motivation is failing. Build a library of motivational and personal development books. If you don’t have time to read them all, get them on tape to listen to while driving or walking. Here are a few notable authors with insights on motivation:

Read inspiring stories. Read inspiring stories from others who have already done what you want to achieve, or are in the process of doing it. Read stories on blogs, in magazines and in books. Those who have already achieved what you are attempting can guide you through the pitfalls and give insights on what to expect along the way. You can get inspiration from their struggles and wins.

Reading books about what you want to change daily, or about self-improvement and inspiration, is an excellent way to stay motivated. They can inspire and motivate you to continue.

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