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Five Simple Ways To Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

How’s your Emotional Intelligence? Are you working to improve it? Many people are taught to stuff their feelings away. Then they become adults and they’ve lost out on how to recognise their own feelings, much less those of others. If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, try these tips.

Five Emotional Intelligence Tips That Work!

1. Notice How You Feel

The first way to improve your emotional intelligence is to simply notice how you feel at any given point in the day. Name your feelings even if you do so in your own head without voicing them. The more names you can put to your feelings, the easier it will be to start to acknowledge them to yourself and others.

2. Be Mindful of Your Behaviour

Do you find yourself being snappy, happy, or sad without knowing why? When you act in a certain way, it’s important to understand why. This way you can find out what motivates you, what makes you frustrated, and what works and does not work for you emotionally.

3. Question Your Opinions

Sometimes we surround ourselves with only like-minded individuals, and we read, watch, and participate only in ideas, news, and events that further our own preconceived ideas about life. The only way to understand why you believe what you believe is to truly examine it, along with the facts that you think you know.

4. Be Responsible for Your Own Feelings

People like to say that you can only feel the way you feel. That may be true, but you are still responsible for your feelings, why you have those feelings, and how you act regarding those feelings. Sometimes even hurt feelings are really just because you are misunderstanding someone else, and you’re responsible for ensuring that you really understand what is happening so that you know if you really have a right to be hurt or not.

5. Take Time Out Each Day to Be Grateful

Getting in touch with your feelings can sometimes bring up a lot of negative stuff. To help stay grounded, take time out each day to be thankful and grateful. A great way to accomplish this is to keep a gratitude journal that you write in each evening.

That way you can get in touch with positive feelings every night before you go to sleep. Or another simple and similar technique is to make a note of three positive things that have happened to you that day – then you will have something to look back on when you are feeling less positive.

Ask Questions and Listen!

Do you want to be a better listener? Then you need to be able to ask the right questions!

Did you ever notice that people don’t like to ask questions? It’s understandable when those questions are personal. You don’t want to offend anyone. But, most people willingly give answers to questions asked of them. So why are we so afraid to ask?

Becoming a Better Listener

When you ask questions, you have the tools you need to be a better listener. It’s indirect and subtle, but it works. When you ask questions, you listen for the answer. You aren’t spending your energy trying to think of what to say after the other person is finished speaking.

Before you fire up your question engine, be sure to keep a few tips in mind. The first is to be relevant. If you are all over the place on your topics, the other person is going to suggest you switch to decaf, because you are too wound up. Keep your questions relevant to the topic of discussion. You can transition into other topics, but try to keep them related.

Another tip is, don’t try to ask questions for the purpose of tricking someone into an answer or trying to show how smart you are compared to him or her. The idea is to connect with people by listening to their stories. In fact, a better approach is to ask questions that you know they will be able to answer. Sometimes, you may already know the answer. But it’s the process you are after as well as the answers.

It’s okay to ask questions that relate to you somehow, but try to keep the focus on the other person. People love to talk about themselves, and when they find people who are good listeners, they will open up to you.

Good questions can also steer the conversation. This can be an asset when you converse with someone who is overly chatty. If they are going on and on about a topic, use questions to reel them in. It’s a focused approach that gives you the control while moving the conversation forward.

If you aren’t one who typically uses questions, it can take a bit of practice to learn what to ask. But, you have plenty of opportunity for that practice in your day to day interactions with people. If you commute via public transportation, for instance, try to strike up a conversation with someone next to you. This isn’t as easy as it used to be with people self-absorbed with their smart devices. But, if you try, you will find many people are responsive.

What Does It Mean to Live in the Moment?

To live in the moment, or in the present, refers to a state of being aware, conscious, alert, in tune with your senses, and focused on what is happening at that particular moment in time. It is the opposite of “automatic living”, that is, just going through the motions.

More importantly, the present is a time during which we stop dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. We are able to enjoy the here and now.

Our Mind Creates Our World

Our mind is a powerful thing that processes all of our life’s experiences, and is also the instigator of our actions. However, most of the time, we are not even aware our own mind and its full power and potential. We lurch from one thought to the next with no rhyme or reason, and often feel the world is external to us, outside ourselves, and that we have no control over it.

The truth is that living in the present can help you gain the skills you need to take control of your life, through focus and concentration.

We Value What We Pay Attention To

When we concentrate our attention on the present, we focus on the task at hand, such as washing the dishes, gardening, or spending time with a loved one. We are not just sitting next to them on the sofa, with both of us fiddling with our cell phones. We are making eye contact, speaking, listening, and perhaps being affectionate. We give our full attention to what we are doing and we let go of the rest.

Being Mindful So You Can Live in the Moment

The practice of living in the moment is referred to as being mindful – in other words, paying attention. Being mindful when we eat means we enjoy our food more, because we are not wolfing it down. Being mindful as we walk through the park means we can enjoy the beauty of nature, such as the flowers and birdsong. Being mindful of others means that we consider their feelings and reactions and adapt to what we see and hear. It is about quality not quantity, brief moments in the present that take us out of our busy day. We can stop running around propelled by stress and take a short “mini-vacation” through mindfulness practice.

How to Start Mindfulness Practice

Mindfulness practice starts with observing things more closely, and then trying to describe them. Imagine washing the dishes. Think of the sight, sound, smell, touch and so on. What does it feel like? How do you feel when you are doing it?

For most of us, this is a dull chore, and one we usually do on autopilot without thinking about it. But thanks to mindfulness, it can become interesting and even fun.

Stopping to reflect on one or two of our actions throughout the day can help us discover the beauty and wonder of all we do. We stop taking things for granted.

We also start to feel more positive energy because we are being less dragged down by the baggage of our past, and are giving ourselves more and more permission to enjoy ourselves and have fun. We are creating special little moments, and through those moments, can feel confident we have more like them to look forward to.

Live in the Moment and Live Every Moment Like It Counts

Life is too short to sleepwalk through it. Adding mindfulness as a daily practice can help you truly appreciate all you have. You will notice your work improves, your relationships get better, and everything starts to feel more effortless and less stressful. It does take practice, but the result is a happier, healthier you with a rich life full of meaning and one where you really do live in the moment.

You Can’t Climb a Mountain until You Can Climb a Ladder

There’s no doubt that we live in a VUCA World (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous) and that brings with it all sorts of challenges. Whether it’s for managers who are trying to deal with the demands for certainty from staff or us as individuals faced with risks and challenges that may present us with opportunities if we are prepared to take the risk and leap into the unknown.

A lot of people get stuck in a rut and are content to do the same things over and over again, day in and day out. They have carved a groove for themselves and making any sort of change requires a great deal of mental and physical effort to grasp why change might even be needed.

The saddest thing about this common scenario is that those who are the most stuck are often the most in need of change. They are often miserable, with a job they aren’t enjoying, lower wages than they feel they need, and perhaps difficult relationships at work and/or at home. They feel like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. And yet if you ask them to take a risk that can make things better, they refuse. The familiar, however bad it is, is less scary than something new.

Fear of Failure in Our VUCA World

A lot of people hold back from risk-taking for fear of failure. They don’t want to lose time, money or effort, or change their job or place they live and then realize they can’t return to the way things were. They don’t think the rewards are worth trying for, or they label themselves a “loser.” And this is often what happens; their negative thinking leads to a negative result.

Fear of Success in our VUCA World

They might also be terrified of becoming successful. This may sound strange, until we stop to consider just how many expectations are placed upon people who are in the top of their field. Tiger Woods the golfer was at the top of his sport for many years; now all most sports commentators can do is comment on how good he used to be, even though most of them could never play as well as he is doing at present.

Not everyone wants to be an Olympic athlete or a top CEO of a Fortune 500 company. They can see the rewards, but everything is a balancing act.

Growth through Risk

However, you will never be able to move forward and grow unless you are prepared to take some risk in your life. Learning how to walk, ride a bike or swim all had risks involved, but they certainly were fun.

They also usually involved observation and even instruction, from your parent or coach, for example. Your parents might have stood on opposite sides of the room and encouraged you to totter towards them. One of your parents put the training wheels on your bike and took you out to the park or up and down the drive. You might have had swimming lessons before trying to swim on your own.

Educated Risk-Taking

If you are still struggling with taking risks, have fun with them. Go left, not right, try a new restaurant, order a dish you’ve never tried before. Getting used to taking these smaller risks, with no huge issue about failure or success, can help broaden your horizons and open your mind to a range of possibilities. As you start to have fun and picture what a better life looks like, you can move on to greater challenges and better rewards.

One thing is for sure: you will never know until you try. And if you get hung up on the idea of failure, just remember – each setback can be a teaching moment that will enable you to learn valuable lessons and do better next time. In this VUCA World we need to climb the ladder of success one rung at a time, and you can soon climb a mountain.

Embrace The Stillness In Life

Why not make some time in your life to embrace the stillness? There’s no doubt that we live in a fast-paced world that seems to be getting faster with every passing moment. The internet and the explosion of social media sites has connected us in ways we never imagined. Sometimes there seems to be no respite from it as people reach out to each other any time the mood strikes that. That can make it difficult to have time for yourself. Embrace the stillness, and you can gain back your peace of mind.

Embrace the Stillness

You can think of stillness in multiple ways. One way to think of it is as the word suggests. You don’t move. You merely reflect on the day’s activities in a quiet room, away from all distractions. You can do this for extended periods, or you can do it in small increments of time. Both will benefit you.

You may consider this to be a form of meditation. However, meditation is a more formalized set of techniques. It often takes people several tries to gain the benefits of meditation and some people never succeed. Stillness, by contrast, will deliver immediate benefits. Anyone can reflect on their day wherever they are. You could be in a car, and even though you may be moving, you experience stillness within it. Naturally, you’ll find this will work just as well as when you are stationary.

Of course, if you feel you want to go through the learning process of meditation, it can bring tremendous benefits to you. It can give you the peace of mind you seek. If you are a beginner, you should consider using guided meditation. That can be a quicker way to get you in the right place with your meditation sessions. Make sure you choose an experienced guide.

You can also think of stillness of in a more metaphorical sense. For instance, if you spend every weekend visiting family or participating in other events, staying at home can be thought of as a way to be still. You may continue to move around, but you can capture the peace of not having to go out and travel.

Sometimes, observing the stillness in life can bring about significant benefits. For instance, if you are by a lake and the waves are calm, you can get lost in the moment and feel at peace. For me spending some time sat quietly on the edge of the Japanese Garden at Tatton Park has an incredibly calming effect.

It’s the same effect as watching a beautiful sunset. Also, observe the people in your life and take note of those who are relaxed and serene. Try to determine how they get to that point and use the same techniques. You can ask them directly how they achieve their serenity and they may be able to help you. Go on, take some time to embrace the stillness!