professional development Archives - Page 2 of 5

Ask Questions and Listen!

Do you want to be a better listener? Then you need to be able to ask the right questions!

Did you ever notice that people don’t like to ask questions? It’s understandable when those questions are personal. You don’t want to offend anyone. But, most people willingly give answers to questions asked of them. So why are we so afraid to ask?

Becoming a Better Listener

When you ask questions, you have the tools you need to be a better listener. It’s indirect and subtle, but it works. When you ask questions, you listen for the answer. You aren’t spending your energy trying to think of what to say after the other person is finished speaking.

Before you fire up your question engine, be sure to keep a few tips in mind. The first is to be relevant. If you are all over the place on your topics, the other person is going to suggest you switch to decaf, because you are too wound up. Keep your questions relevant to the topic of discussion. You can transition into other topics, but try to keep them related.

Another tip is, don’t try to ask questions for the purpose of tricking someone into an answer or trying to show how smart you are compared to him or her. The idea is to connect with people by listening to their stories. In fact, a better approach is to ask questions that you know they will be able to answer. Sometimes, you may already know the answer. But it’s the process you are after as well as the answers.

It’s okay to ask questions that relate to you somehow, but try to keep the focus on the other person. People love to talk about themselves, and when they find people who are good listeners, they will open up to you.

Good questions can also steer the conversation. This can be an asset when you converse with someone who is overly chatty. If they are going on and on about a topic, use questions to reel them in. It’s a focused approach that gives you the control while moving the conversation forward.

If you aren’t one who typically uses questions, it can take a bit of practice to learn what to ask. But, you have plenty of opportunity for that practice in your day to day interactions with people. If you commute via public transportation, for instance, try to strike up a conversation with someone next to you. This isn’t as easy as it used to be with people self-absorbed with their smart devices. But, if you try, you will find many people are responsive.

What Does It Mean to Live in the Moment?

To live in the moment, or in the present, refers to a state of being aware, conscious, alert, in tune with your senses, and focused on what is happening at that particular moment in time. It is the opposite of “automatic living”, that is, just going through the motions.

More importantly, the present is a time during which we stop dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. We are able to enjoy the here and now.

Our Mind Creates Our World

Our mind is a powerful thing that processes all of our life’s experiences, and is also the instigator of our actions. However, most of the time, we are not even aware our own mind and its full power and potential. We lurch from one thought to the next with no rhyme or reason, and often feel the world is external to us, outside ourselves, and that we have no control over it.

The truth is that living in the present can help you gain the skills you need to take control of your life, through focus and concentration.

We Value What We Pay Attention To

When we concentrate our attention on the present, we focus on the task at hand, such as washing the dishes, gardening, or spending time with a loved one. We are not just sitting next to them on the sofa, with both of us fiddling with our cell phones. We are making eye contact, speaking, listening, and perhaps being affectionate. We give our full attention to what we are doing and we let go of the rest.

Being Mindful So You Can Live in the Moment

The practice of living in the moment is referred to as being mindful – in other words, paying attention. Being mindful when we eat means we enjoy our food more, because we are not wolfing it down. Being mindful as we walk through the park means we can enjoy the beauty of nature, such as the flowers and birdsong. Being mindful of others means that we consider their feelings and reactions and adapt to what we see and hear. It is about quality not quantity, brief moments in the present that take us out of our busy day. We can stop running around propelled by stress and take a short “mini-vacation” through mindfulness practice.

How to Start Mindfulness Practice

Mindfulness practice starts with observing things more closely, and then trying to describe them. Imagine washing the dishes. Think of the sight, sound, smell, touch and so on. What does it feel like? How do you feel when you are doing it?

For most of us, this is a dull chore, and one we usually do on autopilot without thinking about it. But thanks to mindfulness, it can become interesting and even fun.

Stopping to reflect on one or two of our actions throughout the day can help us discover the beauty and wonder of all we do. We stop taking things for granted.

We also start to feel more positive energy because we are being less dragged down by the baggage of our past, and are giving ourselves more and more permission to enjoy ourselves and have fun. We are creating special little moments, and through those moments, can feel confident we have more like them to look forward to.

Live in the Moment and Live Every Moment Like It Counts

Life is too short to sleepwalk through it. Adding mindfulness as a daily practice can help you truly appreciate all you have. You will notice your work improves, your relationships get better, and everything starts to feel more effortless and less stressful. It does take practice, but the result is a happier, healthier you with a rich life full of meaning and one where you really do live in the moment.

You Can’t Climb a Mountain until You Can Climb a Ladder

There’s no doubt that we live in a VUCA World (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous) and that brings with it all sorts of challenges. Whether it’s for managers who are trying to deal with the demands for certainty from staff or us as individuals faced with risks and challenges that may present us with opportunities if we are prepared to take the risk and leap into the unknown.

A lot of people get stuck in a rut and are content to do the same things over and over again, day in and day out. They have carved a groove for themselves and making any sort of change requires a great deal of mental and physical effort to grasp why change might even be needed.

The saddest thing about this common scenario is that those who are the most stuck are often the most in need of change. They are often miserable, with a job they aren’t enjoying, lower wages than they feel they need, and perhaps difficult relationships at work and/or at home. They feel like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. And yet if you ask them to take a risk that can make things better, they refuse. The familiar, however bad it is, is less scary than something new.

Fear of Failure in Our VUCA World

A lot of people hold back from risk-taking for fear of failure. They don’t want to lose time, money or effort, or change their job or place they live and then realize they can’t return to the way things were. They don’t think the rewards are worth trying for, or they label themselves a “loser.” And this is often what happens; their negative thinking leads to a negative result.

Fear of Success in our VUCA World

They might also be terrified of becoming successful. This may sound strange, until we stop to consider just how many expectations are placed upon people who are in the top of their field. Tiger Woods the golfer was at the top of his sport for many years; now all most sports commentators can do is comment on how good he used to be, even though most of them could never play as well as he is doing at present.

Not everyone wants to be an Olympic athlete or a top CEO of a Fortune 500 company. They can see the rewards, but everything is a balancing act.

Growth through Risk

However, you will never be able to move forward and grow unless you are prepared to take some risk in your life. Learning how to walk, ride a bike or swim all had risks involved, but they certainly were fun.

They also usually involved observation and even instruction, from your parent or coach, for example. Your parents might have stood on opposite sides of the room and encouraged you to totter towards them. One of your parents put the training wheels on your bike and took you out to the park or up and down the drive. You might have had swimming lessons before trying to swim on your own.

Educated Risk-Taking

If you are still struggling with taking risks, have fun with them. Go left, not right, try a new restaurant, order a dish you’ve never tried before. Getting used to taking these smaller risks, with no huge issue about failure or success, can help broaden your horizons and open your mind to a range of possibilities. As you start to have fun and picture what a better life looks like, you can move on to greater challenges and better rewards.

One thing is for sure: you will never know until you try. And if you get hung up on the idea of failure, just remember – each setback can be a teaching moment that will enable you to learn valuable lessons and do better next time. In this VUCA World we need to climb the ladder of success one rung at a time, and you can soon climb a mountain.

Endings, Transitions and New Beginnings

There have to be endings for there to be new beginnings. As an old year ends so obviously a New Year begins which we have a tendency to think of as full of promise of changes and new experiences. As Mitch Albom, wrote in The Five People You Meet in Heaven, “All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.”

It’s a great way to look at endings in our lives. If you are familiar with the work of William Bridges around Transitions (read more at Transitions) then this will be something that you will recognise. There are some endings, such as the death of a loved one, which leave us deeply saddened, however if we can accept the loss then we will in time start to dwell more on the good memories than the loss. Eventually, we will start to focus on what the new beginnings which the loss has created will have in store for us.

Each step in our life is necessary for us to continue growing. For example for many of us the end of school or college signifies the beginning of an adult lifestyle and possibly a career that you’ve studied for.

Every New Year is an opportunity for you to sit down and figure out what you want to do differently this year. Do you want to lose weight, quit smoking, move on to another job? As I wrote on LinkedIn the other day now is the time to rethink and reset your goals and make the necessary changes in your life – perhaps one at a time rather than in one almighty go.

An ending can only come when you let go of thinking about them. When negative things get to be beyond your control, you’ve got to distance yourself and begin to make a space for the positive. Otherwise, it will interfere with the future you want to have and keep you from making the changes you need to make.

We each need to recognise the reality of endings. We don’t have to like all of them, but we do need to accept the reality of what they are. If you don’t learn to accept endings you close your mind to allowing the new beginnings.

Think about things in a new way. You may think of yourself as “set in your ways,” about certain things, but you have the right to change your mind if something occurs (such as more knowledge) to tilt your thinking another way. Sometimes it helps to gain a fresh perspective on life and let go of old beliefs.

Remember, if you don’t take chances, then change isn’t possible. You can hold on to the good things in your life, but if a new idea triggers excitement and fulfillment in your life, try it. If you don’t, you may regret it.

Celebrate Your Emotional Intelligence!

I have written before about EQ or EI, that is Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence, because it is a topic that fascinates me. A number of people have asked me for a basic explanation of the difference between EQ and IQ?

Whilst Intelligence Quotient (IQ) measures your general intelligence, EQ is a measure of your level of emotional intelligence. Essentially, it is a sort of emotional inventory which enables you to better understand the world around you. It is the ability to sense and understand your emotions and the emotions of others as well. If you are highly aware of the feelings of people, you will be able to build long-lasting and beneficial relationships with the people in your life.

Emotional intelligence may be the greatest tool you can carry around. If you are highly mature about sensing feelings of others and adapting to people’s moods, you can assure yourself of success in practically every area in your life.

Have you ever noticed how some people become successful even if they don’t possess your traditional idea of what intelligence is? It is because that person is emotionally stronger and more versatile. These are the people who are dynamic, the go-getters.

If you are unsure whether emotions play a crucial role in your career, then imagine yourself being given the task to execute complicated yet highly rewarding projects. An assignment of this scope usually involves a lot of decision making. Your opportunity for growth now hinges on this one task, and making adept decisions calls for a calm and steady mind. Emotional flexibility helps you to adapt to these very demanding situations. This is only when you will fully realise that emotional maturity and stability is that important!

In business, a high EQ improves performance. It can help you become more productive by improving your skills in decision making. You become a superior performer who people can count on. It’s being “street smart,” as some prefer to call it

Your emotional quotient, therefore, rests on your ability to understand others and relate effectively to them. When you know how your actions can make an impact on others, it is easier to make a decision because you now know what not to do. You are able to build strong relationships, reduce stress, and motivate yourself and others to get the job done.

To increase your emotional intelligence, you have to become aware of your feelings and of how others will react to them. You also need to learn how to empathise. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand the motives behind their actions. We know that our experiences shaped who we have become. Knowing that we have different experiences, we also value diversity. This is what makes each of us unique. Be grateful for these differences and celebrate your uniqueness as a person. When we become aware of how each of us was shaped, we become more understanding. Life, after all, is what we make of it.

To enjoy a good life, you have to be at peace with yourself and with the people that surround you. Stop finding faults. Instead, concentrate on how you can succeed despite these faults. And that is what emotional intelligence is all about!