professional development Archives - Page 4 of 5

How We Can Be More Resilient

Having looked in my last post at the sort of situations that can require us to be more resilient I know want to look at some of the factors that can contribute to resilience. If you already possess them, that’s great. If you don’t, then it might be time to work on them. I know as someone who is currently looking for a new role as a Learning and Development Professional they are areas that I am very focused on.

Close Family and Community

Studies have shown that one of the primary factors in developing resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within the family, and outside of it as well. Solid role models you can rely on will help. So too will having a network of people you trust who will offer encouragement, constructive feedback and opinions without trying to smother you.

This kind of support gives you the self-confidence to bounce back when times get tough. It can also take you out of yourself as you care for others in return, being the strong one when circumstances present themselves and need to be dealt with calmly and practically.

Goal-Oriented

Resilient people set goals for themselves, then take steps to achieve them. They follow through. They also tend to be good communicators who say what they mean and mean what they say.

They are practical, but also see the potential in situations and people. They don’t have tunnel vision, but rather, an image of what they wish their future to be like. That image drives them towards success and prevents setbacks from making them give up completely.

They accept that change is a part of living, and that even if one door closes, another will open. They aren’t afraid to make the most of opportunities that arise. Even if the make a wrong decision or “fail”, they learn from their mistakes and move on, usually stronger than before.

A resilient person knows the difference between things they can change and things they can’t, and applies their energy accordingly. They don’t stick their head in the sand, but face their problems head on. They don’t keep trying the same ineffective strategy over and over again hoping they will eventually get a different result.

Emotionally Aware

Resilient people also tend to be emotionally aware. They are able to manage strong feelings and impulses without being overwhelmed by them. They often possess high emotional intelligence as well, understanding the thoughts, feelings and difficulties others are going through. They go out of their way to help people, confident in their own ability to give assistance to others in some way. They don’t just give a fish; they teach people how to fish so that they too can be resilient.

Resilient people have a positive outlook on life, not a negative one. They don’t see problems; they see challenges that can be overcome. They look forward to the future with confidence, secure in the knowledge that they have faced tough times before and will be able to do so again whenever they arise.

Studies show that those with a sense of humor also tend to be more resilient. They can find something amusing in even the toughest situations. The laughter removes stress and helps them soldier on.

Good Self-Care

Resilient people also practice good self-care. They don’t neglect themselves to the point where they are running on an empty fuel tank. They eat right, exercise, manage stress, and allow themselves some personal time and space.

They understand that if they don’t look after themselves first, they won’t be able to care for others. They want to be their best self and live their best life. They set themselves self-improvement tasks that they follow through with.

Able to Learn and Grow

Resilient people look for opportunities to learn and grow. They trust their instincts and visualize their actions as being a path to success. Many resilient people meditate, journal, keep a vision board, and tackle their to-do lists like pros.

They are good at time management and are dependable and responsible. This in turn means less stress and less difficulty because they are not causing themselves problems through, for example, procrastination and other bad habits.

In Control of One’s Life

Above all, a resilient person feels that they are in control of their life no matter what happens. They might not have a choice about what happens, but they do have a choice about how to react to it. They explore their choices in an effort to make smart decisions.

The modern world is full of stressful situations, both great and small. From being cut road on the road on our way to work, to the loss of a job or death of a loved one, events happen to us every day that we need to cope with. Freaking out will rarely help. Neither will burying your head in the sand and hoping it will go away.

Resilience is all about making an active decision and sticking to it. If someone cuts you off, you have two choices: get angry and perhaps make the situation worse, or decide it’s not worth getting upset about and not dwelling on it.

Similarly, the loss of a job can be devastating to some people, or a golden opportunity – depending on one’s perspective. If you were working long hours every day at the job and were never appreciated, being made redundant could be the best thing that ever happened to you. It can free you up for all new and even better opportunities. If you act like it’s a disaster and the end of the world, you will only be making a tough situation worse.

Similarly, we hate to see anyone we care about suffer, but you can either get upset, or get information about the situation and see what your options are. Your “Oh, no!” can become, “Yes, this is tough, but I am going to do my best to deal with this.”

In the next post in this short series I will take a look at how we can create a supportive network for ourselves and get the support we need.

When Might We Need To Be Resilient?

In the previous post I looked at what we mean by resilience and now want to look at when we might need to be resilient. Resilience is a useful character trait that some say increases with age. When we are young, we learn over time that we can’t get everything we want. We also discover that bad things do happen to good people, and with each challenge, we learn how to deal with the bad as well as the good in life.

For example, it’s nice to win when we play a game, but chances are that we can’t win every time. Can we shrug off a loss as “no big deal” or get upset about it and potentially be seen as a sore loser? Or want to quit entirely? Think about Michael Phelps. He is probably one of the greatest Olympians of all time, but I am fairly certain that even he has lost a few races on the way to getting there.

In fact, his first games when he was 16 could well have been his last, since his performance was less than impressive. But he has shown persistence and resilience in the face of tough times throughout his career that would have made others who were less resilient give up and retire.

We would all love to get 100% on every test at school, but it’s often when we make mistakes and get a less than perfect score that the real learning occurs.

As we grow up, we get exposed to more and more situations in which we have choices about what to do. Supportive parents will give advice and encouragement in order to increase our ability to think independently and develop resilience.

“Helicopter” parents who constantly hover over their children, and/or try to protect or shield them from anything bad in life, obviously care about their kids. However, they may be doing them a severe disservice by not allowing them to be exposed to situations that could develop and improve their resilience.

We can probably remember big events in our lives, such as a pet dying, changing houses, or a parent becoming sick. We might also remember seeing someone being bullied and needing to decide what to do in that situation. Did we just walk away, pretending it wasn’t happening? Did we run to get a teacher or other adult? Or did we try to stop the bullying then and there because we had confidence in ourselves and knew it was the right thing to do?

Sometimes our good actions don’t always have the effect we had hoped for. Did you ever have a situation in which you tried to do the right thing, but it backfired? Did you consider you had failed? Or was it a learning moment in which you learned how to deal with things better the next time something similar happened?

Being resilient does not mean being perfect. It doesn’t mean being free of difficulties or worries. It is only natural to feel sad and pained if something major happens in your life. What being resilient does mean is being able to find a road back to emotional stability and a happy life rather than allowing the event to cripple you to a point where you find it hard to move on.

You might wish to get a promotion at work, but seem to be hitting a glass ceiling all the time. In this case, there are several things you can do.

Quit in a huff
Give up and look for another job elsewhere
Assess your performance honestly to see where you might be lacking
Take on a new project that could make a real difference to the company
Get more training in particular areas where you feel you could be stronger
Start your own business in order to use all of the skills and talents you feel are going to waste in your current position

…and so on.

As you can see, there are many different choices in this situation. In some cases, doing several at the same time can add up to big results. The one thing that a resilient person does not do is give up and do nothing, or act as though their entire life was over.

An honest self-assessment could lead you to an entirely new career path you might not have thought of. Getting more training can also open new doors. Starting your own business will always involve some sacrifice in the beginning, such as giving up TV and lazy weekends. However, it could mean more money and a more comfortable financial set of circumstances, so that if you get a £1,000 car repair bill all of a sudden, you won’t need to worry about it because you have the cash in the bank.

There are many difficult situations in life that require resilience, such as:

Sickness
The death of a loved one
Divorce
The break-up of an important relationship
The loss of a job
Money issues
An accident
A natural disaster

In many instances, it isn’t a case of IF, but WHEN a difficult life event will arise.

That being the case, the more you can do to prepare yourself mentally for these kinds of challenges, the more you can develop your resilience. In the next post I will take a look at how we can become more resilient.

Challenges Ahead and Being Resilient

We often hear the word resilience as a quality to be admired, but what does it really mean? Why is it important, and how can you cultivate it within yourself? Those are some of the questions I want to consider over the next few posts.

I know from my own experience currently of looking for a new role as a Learning and Development Professional and from talking to others that resilience is something we all need to develop as we contend with what life exposes us to.

Resilience, or psychological resilience, can make all the difference between success and failure. It can help you lead a happy life in which you are able to look on the bright side no matter what happens, even when you experience serious challenges or issues.

Resilience is a state of mind. A resilient person is strong and self-confident enough to feel like they can cope with whatever life throws at them without falling apart.

Does this sound like you? Or do you wish you could be more resilient? Over the next few posts I want to cover what resilience is, why it is important, and how to develop it in yourself and help others develop it – both at home and in the workplace.

So let’s start with a definition of what resilience is and why it is an important characteristic to possess.

What is Resilience?

According to the dictionary, resilience can be defined as, “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” I also quite like the definition when applied to an “object” which is “the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape” as this gives is a very visual sense of what it looks like.

You may have noticed that some people seem to be able to cope with even the most difficult conditions without complaining, giving up, or getting depressed and upset. What most people would consider to be disasters, such as a hurricane and all the damage it causes, a resilient person will seem to take in their stride. They will be upset, naturally, but they won’t let their emotions take over at the expense of logic and all the practical things that need to be done to deal with the situation. Many of us will be familiar with having to look for a new job and encountering the seemingly endless silence of the recruiters when applying for roles. I wrote about how resilient we need to be in those sort of situations here.

Put simply, resilience is a strong ability to cope and adjust to new situations, even difficult ones, as they happen. A resilient person can get back to normal quite quickly after an illness, or adjust to a new normal, such as a new set of circumstances that arise as a result being made redundant or some other significant change.

We all have to face difficult situations in life when they arise, but resilience means not allowing them to become fearful or running away from them. Rather, it is an active process of understanding that you have choices in every situation, and trying to make the smartest ones that will lead to a happy or contented life once more.

Now that we’ve covered what resilience is, in the next post I will look at the kinds of situations in which resilience can be very useful.

Six Simple Ways to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence

In my last post I looked at what Emotional Intellifence (EI) is. In summary Emotional Intelligence can be defined as the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one’s own feelings, as well as engage successfully with those of others. Studies have shown that the most successful people in the workplace are those with high EI, while those who are the lowest performers have low EI.

EI is essential for harmonious relationships at work and home. As with most things in life, if we are willing to study and put in the effort, we can improve our EI and therefore our relationship – not just with others, but with ourselves as well.

Here are six ways to increase your EI.

1. Look Within

Many people tend to blame others for their emotions. “He made me feel bad when he said…” or “She really hurt me.”

No one makes us feel or do anything. Our feelings appear and disappear like waves in the ocean. It is up to us if we choose to focus on them or not. For example, anger can arise suddenly, but people might cling onto it for ages, holding grudges, not speaking to family members for years, and so on.

2. Recognise and Reduce Reactions

By recognising our emotions, we can start to get them under control. Note that “control” does not mean “suppress.” It means to express them in a healthy and productive way. Using the anger example, some people shout, scream and throw things. Others go silent and refuse to speak to the other person involved.

3. Leann to Express Emotions in a Healthier Way

Once you have identified an emotion you would like to handle more skillfully, it will be time to come up with strategies that can prevent the emotion from running away with you. For example, some people count to ten before they say anything if they feel anger is rising, in order to give themselves a bit of distance from the emotion and not let the heat of the moment cause them to do anything they might later regret.

4. Understand Better the Emotions of Others

Listening to others and observing them are two steps to better understanding of those around you. If you’ve been struggling in a relationship, try to take a step back and view the person with fresh eyes. Don’t assume or rush to judge. Also, don’t take anything for granted. The longer you have known someone, the more you might think you “know” them, but people can sometimes deceive us, and even themselves if they are not in tune with their emotions.

5. Avoid Jumping to Conclusions

Sometimes we think it is all about us, when in fact a person’s reaction might have no connection to us at all. Your boss might seem angry, so you think it is about you, your work, or that they are planning to fire you. Your mind can jump to all sorts of conclusions, but the only way you will really be able to try to find out what’s wrong is if you ask.

Of course, the person might then tell you to mind your own business, or lie and say there’s nothing wrong, both of which are communication stoppers and might even make things worse. But, don’t assume that another person’s feelings are to do with you.

6. Learn to Express Your Feelings Proactively

Once you have started to recognize and control your emotions, it will be time to take the next step – conveying them to others when needed. This does not mean sharing every feeling, but only ones that make you feel distant from the other person and need to be resolved if you are going to grow closer once more.

Use these six ways to increase your EI and see what a difference they can make to your relationships.

Let Your Inner Leader Out – Leadership Isn’t Complicated

When we talk about Leaders and Leadership we tend to focus on the big names, the giants of business and politics don’t we? If I asked you to name leaders who come instantly to mind I would imagine that the names you will think of would generally be household names. We tend to think of leaders in terms of those who have achieved great things and often on a national or indeed global scale.

But for me there are many more leaders operating all around us than we might believe. People who are going about their daily lives, they are doing things that they are passionate about, involving others in their work and activities and delivering results. But these unsung or unlikely leaders may not even recognise it for themselves because all too often “Leadership” is elevated to the level of a mysterious set of skills and characteristics. Leadership and what it is has become an incredibly complex subject. You only have to look at the multitude of books on the art of leadership to recognise that it is a subject which many people have devoted tens of thousands of pages to.

Leadership isn’t or shouldn’t be a complex subject. It is happening all around us, people are demonstrating their leadership skills in so many different roles and in so many different ways. You don’t even have to have a team in order to be a Leader as I explain in a post here.

Those who have read other posts on this blog and anyone who knows me will be aware that I am a great believer in not over-complicating things. Which is why a few years ago I was so drawn to Steve Radcliffe’s book Leadership – Plain and Simple. As I mentioned in the post I had reason to re-read the book recently. Having done so I thought it was time to write a review. I cannot recommend this book highly enough because whether you are leading a team, job seeking or just want to approach your work from a different perspective this book has something to offer.

One of the things that you are going to appreciate about Steve Radcliffe’s book, Leadership: Plain and Simple, is that it really does delivers on what he promises in the title. The bottom line is that if you read, consider and then implement the strategies he outlines, you will find it relatively easy to start using them and then see positive results. The approach Steve outlines do not contain any elaborate or complicated formulas that frustrate or confuse readers who are looking for practical answers. The book provides you with real world examples in simple language and the tools needed to develop your leadership skills regardless of the current role that you hold.

The reason that Leadership: Plain and Simple is so engaging with readers is because Steve Radcliffe uses a unique FED approach to getting his message across. Within the 170 pages of this book, he clearly lays out his Future, Engage, and Deliver approach. Steve breaks down leadership into three clear stages:

Future – The Leader needs to have a clear vision that they can articulate about where the organisation is going. Or to put it another way they are “up to something” that they really care passionately about.
Engage – The Leader needs to be able to engage others, bring them onboard and get them moving towards that future vision.
Deliver – The Leader needs to be able to make things happen.

The approach he lays out in Leadership: Plain and Simple can be implemented as soon as the book has been completed. Through a very precise set of questioning, Steve will help you to understand exactly what your strengths already are, and where you need improvement in your leadership skills. Once you identify the areas that you are weak, the book is designed to help you to improve those areas through different scenarios that make you think about why you are lacking in those areas. The first chapters of the book go into specific detail in each of the three components of leadership, Future, Engage, and Deliver. There is one chapter dedicated to each of these practices, giving you the ability to create a strong foundation on which you build upon as you continue reading later chapters.

Once you begin reading these chapters, you will soon realize how important it is to understand what you care about and why is it so important for you to lead. Then you will learn about developing the skills needed for connecting and impacting those around you. Then once you learn to develop leadership skills, you will see how delivering through others will give you the ability to both deliver more today and in the future.

I am sure that as you read will quickly start to realise, like me, that a misconception that has been circulating for decades. There is no reason for leadership to be complicated, regardless of a persons IQ level or their job title, the natural human activity of leadership is within us all just waiting to be let out and developed. If you can create a compelling enough future, you have the ability to become an effective and powerful leader. This book will show you that if your future is compelling and you can get emotionally connected to it, you have the greatest chances of becoming a very strong leader.

As I said earlier, this is probably the best book on Leadership that I have ever read and I have read a few over the years! It’s Leadership – Plain and Simple and it’s an opportunity that’s waiting for you to grasp it.

You can buy Steve Radcliffe’s book here:

In the UK: Leadership – Plain and Simple
In the US: Leadership – Plain and Simple