Personal Development Archives - Page 13 of 23

Being Resilient – You Are Not Alone!

Remember You are Not Alone! In the final post in this short series on being resilient I wanted to look at how we can call on those we know to support us because we do not have to deal with things on our own.

In times of crisis, you can believe that you have to go it alone, but look around at your family, friends and Personal Learning Network and you will probably find that you can put together a support team and lean on them as needed. You might have a mentor, coach or role model who can help guide you through the situation. Or, you can learn all you can and come up with an action plan for dealing with whatever situation has arisen.

Whenever something challenging happens to us, we can feel as if we are the only person in the world that it has ever happened to. The truth is, it has probably happened to many other people as well and they too have had to learn about being resilient. Examples include being made redundant, divorce, the loss of a loved one, a fire destroying our home, and so on. Fortunately, there are trained professionals who have experience dealing with these issues.

There are also ordinary people who have faced the same issues and come out the other side having learned a lot of valuable lessons about being resilient along the way. You might be able to connect with them in person via local support groups, or meet up with them online and share experiences.

For example, it can be really tough to be diagnosed with a serious illness, such as cancer. Going online to learn as much as you can about your condition and treatment options is often one of the best ways to get a good outcome. Reading successful treatment stories can give you a positive outlook, which can lead to a better outcome.

If one of your family members becomes ill, you might suddenly be thrust into the role of a caregiver, a gatekeeper who learns about all of the aspects of the condition, and a cheerleader as you try to put a brave face on things for the sake of your sick loved one. All of this can lead to stress and caregiver burnout if you don’t pace yourself and take steps to ensure you get the support you need.

Being resilient does not mean going it alone. It means knowing what you need, asking for it, and doing your best no matter what the situation, through the smart choices you make. Over time, even the toughest situations will become easier because you have developed resilience.

Final Thoughts

Many people think how fortunate some people are because they appear so resilient, and make it seem so easy to cope with even the worst times. They look as though they are always in charge, and have their act together no matter what life throws at them.

The truth is that the road to being resilient is about developing a set of skills and a mental attitude. They are skills you can develop if you are willing to put in the effort to work on your preparedness in the face of tough situations. Only by dealing with challenges can you rise to them, and become a more resilient person able to succeed in life no matter what the odds.

How We Can Be More Resilient

Having looked in my last post at the sort of situations that can require us to be more resilient I know want to look at some of the factors that can contribute to resilience. If you already possess them, that’s great. If you don’t, then it might be time to work on them. I know as someone who is currently looking for a new role as a Learning and Development Professional they are areas that I am very focused on.

Close Family and Community

Studies have shown that one of the primary factors in developing resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within the family, and outside of it as well. Solid role models you can rely on will help. So too will having a network of people you trust who will offer encouragement, constructive feedback and opinions without trying to smother you.

This kind of support gives you the self-confidence to bounce back when times get tough. It can also take you out of yourself as you care for others in return, being the strong one when circumstances present themselves and need to be dealt with calmly and practically.

Goal-Oriented

Resilient people set goals for themselves, then take steps to achieve them. They follow through. They also tend to be good communicators who say what they mean and mean what they say.

They are practical, but also see the potential in situations and people. They don’t have tunnel vision, but rather, an image of what they wish their future to be like. That image drives them towards success and prevents setbacks from making them give up completely.

They accept that change is a part of living, and that even if one door closes, another will open. They aren’t afraid to make the most of opportunities that arise. Even if the make a wrong decision or “fail”, they learn from their mistakes and move on, usually stronger than before.

A resilient person knows the difference between things they can change and things they can’t, and applies their energy accordingly. They don’t stick their head in the sand, but face their problems head on. They don’t keep trying the same ineffective strategy over and over again hoping they will eventually get a different result.

Emotionally Aware

Resilient people also tend to be emotionally aware. They are able to manage strong feelings and impulses without being overwhelmed by them. They often possess high emotional intelligence as well, understanding the thoughts, feelings and difficulties others are going through. They go out of their way to help people, confident in their own ability to give assistance to others in some way. They don’t just give a fish; they teach people how to fish so that they too can be resilient.

Resilient people have a positive outlook on life, not a negative one. They don’t see problems; they see challenges that can be overcome. They look forward to the future with confidence, secure in the knowledge that they have faced tough times before and will be able to do so again whenever they arise.

Studies show that those with a sense of humor also tend to be more resilient. They can find something amusing in even the toughest situations. The laughter removes stress and helps them soldier on.

Good Self-Care

Resilient people also practice good self-care. They don’t neglect themselves to the point where they are running on an empty fuel tank. They eat right, exercise, manage stress, and allow themselves some personal time and space.

They understand that if they don’t look after themselves first, they won’t be able to care for others. They want to be their best self and live their best life. They set themselves self-improvement tasks that they follow through with.

Able to Learn and Grow

Resilient people look for opportunities to learn and grow. They trust their instincts and visualize their actions as being a path to success. Many resilient people meditate, journal, keep a vision board, and tackle their to-do lists like pros.

They are good at time management and are dependable and responsible. This in turn means less stress and less difficulty because they are not causing themselves problems through, for example, procrastination and other bad habits.

In Control of One’s Life

Above all, a resilient person feels that they are in control of their life no matter what happens. They might not have a choice about what happens, but they do have a choice about how to react to it. They explore their choices in an effort to make smart decisions.

The modern world is full of stressful situations, both great and small. From being cut road on the road on our way to work, to the loss of a job or death of a loved one, events happen to us every day that we need to cope with. Freaking out will rarely help. Neither will burying your head in the sand and hoping it will go away.

Resilience is all about making an active decision and sticking to it. If someone cuts you off, you have two choices: get angry and perhaps make the situation worse, or decide it’s not worth getting upset about and not dwelling on it.

Similarly, the loss of a job can be devastating to some people, or a golden opportunity – depending on one’s perspective. If you were working long hours every day at the job and were never appreciated, being made redundant could be the best thing that ever happened to you. It can free you up for all new and even better opportunities. If you act like it’s a disaster and the end of the world, you will only be making a tough situation worse.

Similarly, we hate to see anyone we care about suffer, but you can either get upset, or get information about the situation and see what your options are. Your “Oh, no!” can become, “Yes, this is tough, but I am going to do my best to deal with this.”

In the next post in this short series I will take a look at how we can create a supportive network for ourselves and get the support we need.

When Might We Need To Be Resilient?

In the previous post I looked at what we mean by resilience and now want to look at when we might need to be resilient. Resilience is a useful character trait that some say increases with age. When we are young, we learn over time that we can’t get everything we want. We also discover that bad things do happen to good people, and with each challenge, we learn how to deal with the bad as well as the good in life.

For example, it’s nice to win when we play a game, but chances are that we can’t win every time. Can we shrug off a loss as “no big deal” or get upset about it and potentially be seen as a sore loser? Or want to quit entirely? Think about Michael Phelps. He is probably one of the greatest Olympians of all time, but I am fairly certain that even he has lost a few races on the way to getting there.

In fact, his first games when he was 16 could well have been his last, since his performance was less than impressive. But he has shown persistence and resilience in the face of tough times throughout his career that would have made others who were less resilient give up and retire.

We would all love to get 100% on every test at school, but it’s often when we make mistakes and get a less than perfect score that the real learning occurs.

As we grow up, we get exposed to more and more situations in which we have choices about what to do. Supportive parents will give advice and encouragement in order to increase our ability to think independently and develop resilience.

“Helicopter” parents who constantly hover over their children, and/or try to protect or shield them from anything bad in life, obviously care about their kids. However, they may be doing them a severe disservice by not allowing them to be exposed to situations that could develop and improve their resilience.

We can probably remember big events in our lives, such as a pet dying, changing houses, or a parent becoming sick. We might also remember seeing someone being bullied and needing to decide what to do in that situation. Did we just walk away, pretending it wasn’t happening? Did we run to get a teacher or other adult? Or did we try to stop the bullying then and there because we had confidence in ourselves and knew it was the right thing to do?

Sometimes our good actions don’t always have the effect we had hoped for. Did you ever have a situation in which you tried to do the right thing, but it backfired? Did you consider you had failed? Or was it a learning moment in which you learned how to deal with things better the next time something similar happened?

Being resilient does not mean being perfect. It doesn’t mean being free of difficulties or worries. It is only natural to feel sad and pained if something major happens in your life. What being resilient does mean is being able to find a road back to emotional stability and a happy life rather than allowing the event to cripple you to a point where you find it hard to move on.

You might wish to get a promotion at work, but seem to be hitting a glass ceiling all the time. In this case, there are several things you can do.

Quit in a huff
Give up and look for another job elsewhere
Assess your performance honestly to see where you might be lacking
Take on a new project that could make a real difference to the company
Get more training in particular areas where you feel you could be stronger
Start your own business in order to use all of the skills and talents you feel are going to waste in your current position

…and so on.

As you can see, there are many different choices in this situation. In some cases, doing several at the same time can add up to big results. The one thing that a resilient person does not do is give up and do nothing, or act as though their entire life was over.

An honest self-assessment could lead you to an entirely new career path you might not have thought of. Getting more training can also open new doors. Starting your own business will always involve some sacrifice in the beginning, such as giving up TV and lazy weekends. However, it could mean more money and a more comfortable financial set of circumstances, so that if you get a £1,000 car repair bill all of a sudden, you won’t need to worry about it because you have the cash in the bank.

There are many difficult situations in life that require resilience, such as:

Sickness
The death of a loved one
Divorce
The break-up of an important relationship
The loss of a job
Money issues
An accident
A natural disaster

In many instances, it isn’t a case of IF, but WHEN a difficult life event will arise.

That being the case, the more you can do to prepare yourself mentally for these kinds of challenges, the more you can develop your resilience. In the next post I will take a look at how we can become more resilient.

Challenges Ahead and Being Resilient

We often hear the word resilience as a quality to be admired, but what does it really mean? Why is it important, and how can you cultivate it within yourself? Those are some of the questions I want to consider over the next few posts.

I know from my own experience currently of looking for a new role as a Learning and Development Professional and from talking to others that resilience is something we all need to develop as we contend with what life exposes us to.

Resilience, or psychological resilience, can make all the difference between success and failure. It can help you lead a happy life in which you are able to look on the bright side no matter what happens, even when you experience serious challenges or issues.

Resilience is a state of mind. A resilient person is strong and self-confident enough to feel like they can cope with whatever life throws at them without falling apart.

Does this sound like you? Or do you wish you could be more resilient? Over the next few posts I want to cover what resilience is, why it is important, and how to develop it in yourself and help others develop it – both at home and in the workplace.

So let’s start with a definition of what resilience is and why it is an important characteristic to possess.

What is Resilience?

According to the dictionary, resilience can be defined as, “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” I also quite like the definition when applied to an “object” which is “the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape” as this gives is a very visual sense of what it looks like.

You may have noticed that some people seem to be able to cope with even the most difficult conditions without complaining, giving up, or getting depressed and upset. What most people would consider to be disasters, such as a hurricane and all the damage it causes, a resilient person will seem to take in their stride. They will be upset, naturally, but they won’t let their emotions take over at the expense of logic and all the practical things that need to be done to deal with the situation. Many of us will be familiar with having to look for a new job and encountering the seemingly endless silence of the recruiters when applying for roles. I wrote about how resilient we need to be in those sort of situations here.

Put simply, resilience is a strong ability to cope and adjust to new situations, even difficult ones, as they happen. A resilient person can get back to normal quite quickly after an illness, or adjust to a new normal, such as a new set of circumstances that arise as a result being made redundant or some other significant change.

We all have to face difficult situations in life when they arise, but resilience means not allowing them to become fearful or running away from them. Rather, it is an active process of understanding that you have choices in every situation, and trying to make the smartest ones that will lead to a happy or contented life once more.

Now that we’ve covered what resilience is, in the next post I will look at the kinds of situations in which resilience can be very useful.

The Little Engine That Could – Positive About Affirmations

One of the pieces of advice I always give people who are job searching is to focus on the positives. That’s advice I am taking myself as I undertake a search for a new Learning and Development role.

As I have been reflecting on my experience and skills one of things that I recalled was when I first encountered the concept of Positive Affirmations some years ago. It was the Lou Tice Investment in Excellence programme which I recall at the time I approached with a healthy degree of cynicism. However, whilst some of the claims that I have seen made for Positive Affirmations since then, have brought out that cynicism in me I must admit I do find them helpful in terms of focusing on my own skills and knowledge.

I am sure you have encountered those who try to convince you that by simply telling yourself something you can become it/achieve it. Whilst I don’t subscribe to that approach I do believe that using positive affirmations as part of our self-talk (which I have written about previously) can have a very positive impact on how we approach challenges such as finding a new job.

So I wanted to take a moment or two to re-visit what positive affirmations are all about and to share some thoughts about them.

What Are Affirmations?

Think of affirmations as words and sentences with the power to transform. By saying them out loud or to yourself, they have the power to affect both your conscious and subconscious mind in order to stimulate your emotions, encourage, and inspire. They are a form of positive self-talk, and also guided imagery to a certain extent. You picture your own success, and that all your efforts are working towards that better future.

Finding affirmations that work for you in all areas of your life can help you get “unstuck” and move forward with a renewed sense of energy and empowerment. We do not have to be a helpless victim of circumstance.

Instead of having a coach give you a pep talk before the interview, you will already be psyching yourself up to perform well through your personal affirmations.

Affirmations are just one of many tools for personal and professional success, but they can also be one of the most powerful if you find affirmations that resonate with you, and use them on a regular basis. There are many free affirmations available on the internet that you can use, or you can make up your own based on your own personal circumstances.

Affirmations can help you transform your life for a number of reasons. They can play many different roles, including:

Motivating
Focusing your mind and efforts on the goal
Tapping into the power of your subconscious
Countering negative self-talk with positive self-talk
Pushing out self-doubt and self-criticism with “can do” messages
Enhancing your self-esteem

If you struggle with a lack of confidence, affirmations can put you on a whole new path to success. Remember the Little Engine that Could? His affirmation was, “I think I can, I think I can.”