Personal Development Archives - Page 19 of 23

How To Stop Taking Criticism So Personally

How do you feel when someone criticises you? If you’re like many people then your reaction and response depend on a number of factors. It may depend on who is criticizing you. Your mood that day and disposition can also play an important role. Of course it can also depend on how they criticize you and what they’re commenting on.

Regardless of the situation, you can change your reaction to the criticism. You can learn to control your emotional reaction to criticism and not let it impact your self-esteem.

1. Evaluate the Source

When you’re receiving criticism it’s important to evaluate the source. A perfect stranger posting a comment online is much different than hearing something negative from your significant other. The deliverer of the criticism is important. What’s equally as important is the motivation for their criticism. Are they trying to help or hurt? Understanding the source of the criticism can help you frame it better.

2. Look for the Benefit

Assuming that the feedback is coming from someone who is trying to help, then focus on what you have to gain from the criticism. For example, a writer who hears from their editor that the dialogue feels forced can take that information and improve their dialogue. They can become a better writer. There is power in listening to criticism.

3. Detach from the Feedback

What other people think about your skills, characteristics, knowledge and so on actually has no impact on who you are as a person. Their opinion isn’t your reality – it’s theirs. And vice versa – just because you think someone is cruel doesn’t make them cruel. Detach from the feedback and remember that it doesn’t define you. You define you.

Feedback and criticism can be difficult to take under any circumstances. Remember who you are. Learn from the feedback and remember to pay attention to the person delivering the criticism. How much does their opinion really matter to you?

One characteristic of good self-esteem is the willingness to be assertive and to go after what you want. In my next post I will take a look at how to be more assertive.

Can You Have Too Much Self-esteem?

Can you have too much self-esteem? The answer is yes. There is a thin line between having self-esteem and being narcissist. So how do you find the balance? How do you make sure you have just enough self-esteem to live a happy, fulfilling, and productive life? Let’s start by taking a look at the definition of narcissism.

What Is a Narcissist and How Much Self-Esteem Is Too Much?

Interestingly enough, a narcissist can be someone who has very fragile self-esteem. The definition of a narcissist is, “A person with a mental disorder where they have an inflated sense of their own self-importance.” They wear a mask of self-confidence and self-esteem. In fact, most narcissists are vulnerable to criticism. They need to feel admired and beloved and usually have a tremendous lack of empathy for others.

Narcissists have too much self-esteem. SO how much is too much? If you’re unable to be realistic and in touch with who you are, then you may have too much. It’s about being aware of who you are. If people perceive you as vain, conceited, or pretentious, you may have too much self-esteem. People with heightened self-esteem feel entitled and insist on having the best of everything – they feel they deserve it.

Healthy Self-Esteem

There are some sure-fire signs of healthy self-esteem, and these signs or types of behavior are what you want to look for in yourself and in those you bring into your life. They include:

The ability to feel proud of your accomplishments
The ability to act independently
The willingness to laugh at yourself
The ability to accept compliments, and the willingness to give them
The willingness to accept responsibility for your thoughts and actions
The ability to accept challenges with enthusiasm
Knowing you’re worthwhile
Knowing you’re in control of your life
The willingness to express yourself and a willingness to listen to others express themselves
An ability to work through challenges, frustrations, and problems
The ability to hear criticism and not take it personally

Most people don’t have too much self-esteem. The vast majority of people have healthy self-esteem or low self-esteem. If you or someone you know has too much, it’s a good idea to visit a physician. But if you’re like most folks, then you could probably use some help with your self-esteem.

In my next post I want to tackle one of the biggest challenges to healthy self-esteem. We’re talking about criticism and how to not take it personally!

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Is Detachment the Key to Better Self-esteem?

When you think about the word “detachment” you may have a negative impression. After all, when we use the word we often think about people that are disconnected from the world and from others. But the truth is that detachment can play a very important role in your success, as well as your happiness.

Let’s take a look at what we mean by detachment and then talk about how it impacts your self-esteem.

What Is Detachment?

The dictionary definition of detachment is a lack of emotion or of personal interest, and/or the act or process of separating something from a larger thing. That’s all fine and good, but how does it relate to self-esteem? Let’s look at an example:

You’re at work and a co-worker criticizes an email that you sent to your team. Detachment means that you’re able to hear her criticism and take any relevant and useful pieces to make positive change, and let go of the rest. You don’t let her comment impact you emotionally, nor does it affect how you feel about yourself.

Sounds pretty great, right? How wonderful would it be to hear feedback and criticism and not have an emotional reaction to it? You’d be able to learn and grow but not take a hit to your self-esteem. The same is true for praise. When you’re detached, you’re able to receive praise without it affecting your self-esteem.

Isn’t Detachment Bad?

Not letting others impact your emotional wellbeing and self-esteem isn’t a bad thing. It’s perfectly okay to separate your self-worth and self-esteem from others. Your self-esteem is answered by the question, “How do I feel about who I am?” It doesn’t get answered by, “How do I feel about how others think about me?”

Detaching from what others think about you and how they communicate with you is a good thing. After all, whether someone thinks you did a good job or a bad job doesn’t impact who you are, right? You know who you are, so hold on to that.

Speaking of knowing who you are, have you met people who may have too much self-esteem? In the next post I will attempt to answer the question, “Can you have too much self-esteem?”

3 Tips To Improve Your Self-Esteem

I have written quite a lot over the years about self-esteem and this post compliments a post I recently added to LinkedIn looking at What Is Self-Esteem? Here, I want to take a look at how to improve your self-esteem.

Our self-esteem, or how we feel about your worth, impacts our daily life. Admittedly, our self-esteem can change from day to day. Some days you may wake up feeling great about yourself and the world. Other days, you might feel like nothing you do or say matters.

Think about those days for a second – the down days when your self-esteem isn’t so great. How effective and productive were you? How well were you able to communicate with others? Chances are, when your self-esteem has taken a hit, you aren’t able to function on a high level. Your personal and professional life can suffer.

The good news is that there are simple tips you can embrace today to help turn those bad days around.

1. Find the Why

Why has your self-esteem taken a hit? What’s impacting how you feel about yourself? It can be anything from a bad night’s sleep, to a mistake, to criticism from someone. When you can identify your reason for low self-esteem, you can approach the solution logically.

2. One Positive Thought

You have a choice here. When you’re feeling down you can stop, take a deep breath, and identify one positive thought about yourself. Alternatively, you can keep a positive thought in your back pocket.

For example, when someone criticizes you at work, you can pull out your positive thought and read it. It can be anything that makes you feel better about yourself. For example, you might pull out a statement that says, “I am a kind and loving person who always does their best.”

The benefit of writing down a statement and keeping it with you is that sometimes when you’re having a particularly difficult day, it can be hard to think something positive.

3. A Little TLC

On the difficult days it’s always a good idea to pamper yourself a little. Identify one small thing that can have a big impact. For example, you might give yourself a facial, read a book on the patio, or go for a jog in the park. Whatever small self-care step that you can take, do it. It will make a significant difference on how you feel and how you feel about yourself.

Becoming aware of your self-esteem and noting when and why it may suffer can help you make a change. Treat yourself well and remember what makes you wonderful.

Ten Healthy Habits That Can Help You Fight Stress

We hear a lot about stress nowadays and the profound impact it can have on an individual and those around them.

Whilst there are many degrees of stress and some can have a crushing impact on our lives and require medical intervention there are ways to deal with the normal stresses of home and especially work. If recognised early then that stress in the workplace doesn’t have to get you down. Instead, learn to handle it from the word go. The first step is to take control of your life. Below are ten healthy habits that can actually help you fight the threat of stress.

Stress can prove to be harmful when the effects are prolonged. The body sustains a lot of wear and tear, leading to degenerative illness. But, it doesn’t have to get that bad. A few proactive steps can lead to a greater balance overall.

Ten Habits to Cultivate for Stress Reduction

1. Find a sounding board – Friends and trusted family members are great for this. Let them know what they are in for before depending on them for this much-needed support.

2. Laughter is the best medicine – Laughing releases endorphins and helps you to smile more often. Read a funny book or watch your favorite comedy movie. A laugh a day could keep the doctor away.

3. Reduce your workload – Plan for activities only one day each weekend. Plan to leave work at a certain time each day as often as you can to begin family time and leave the office behind.

4. Find a physical activity that you like – Exercise should be beneficial and fun. The “fun” part is what will keep you coming back for more. The release of endorphins improves the mood, and stronger muscles protect you as you get older.

5. Organize your life – Set time to get things done as well as time to spend alone in pursuit of relaxing activities. You could actually get more handled in a day when you plan well.

6. Volunteer – Sometimes, getting out of your own head is the best way to reduce your stress levels. Pay attention to someone else who needs it more.

7. Eat a balanced diet – Food, especially raw and fresh food, can provide your body with antioxidants and vitamins needed to keep your body working in tiptop shape.

8. Get enough sleep – Depending on your age, the amount of sleep needed can range from six to as much as nine or ten hours a night. During sleep, the body shuts down all non-vital systems in an attempt to repair itself. A restored body can handle whatever the new day brings.

9. Take a breather – It is okay to take a mini vacation. It could be only a weekend, but use it to clear your head so that you can move forward with your life.

10. Acceptance – Everything is not within your control. When you accept what you can’t change, a weight is lifted. Stress over worrying about unnecessary issues is wasted time and energy. Channel your efforts into more constructive pursuits.

Fight back against stress in the best way – with healthy habits.