Personal Development Archives - Page 5 of 23

Handling Failure and Rejection Effectively

There are times in all our lives when we might perceive ourselves to have failed at something or for example when we are jobhunting we might experience rejection. Failure or rejection can be challenging to deal with because it can dent our self-confidence and make us think less of ourselves.

Therefore it is clear that in order to become more resilient and better able to handle things we need to to build self-confidence and learn how to deal with failure. No one is successful 100 percent of the time. Everyone can’t always win. Once you get past your early school life we learn fast that awards aren’t for everyone, every time – at least outwardly.

Let’s look at some solid ways to deal with failure and handle rejection that can help to build your self-confidence.

It’s Usually Not Personal – It’s hard to realise, but most of the time when we fail or get rejected at something it’s not personal. Even if it’s the failure of a relationship, there are many factors that aren’t personal that come into play. Try to look at the situation from a distance to remove the personal factors from it.

Learn from the Situation – When you fail at something, allow yourself a little bit of time to go over the failure so that you can learn from it. Write down what you personally could do differently if the situation were to arise again. Be honest with yourself about this so that you can learn.

Don’t Obsess over Failure – While you do want to learn from the situation, you don’t want to take forever obsessing about it and going over it repeatedly. Instead, give yourself a time limit to think about it, get it down in writing, and move on from it.

You Don’t Need Others’ Approval to Be Successful – One reason that failure is often problematic to us as humans is that we don’t want to look bad in front of other people. But the truth is, no one must approve of you for you to be successful. Every single person fails, including even the most judgmental of people.

Change Your Perspective – Sometimes it can help to look at failure from someone else’s perspective. If it was a contest, think about the winner and how they feel. If you can focus on that positive aspect of your loss, it can be a lot more worth it.

The truth is, everyone is going to experience failure or rejection at times if they’re truly trying to succeed in life, whether it’s work or personal in nature. If you aren’t challenging yourself in any way, life will be kind of boring.

If you can view failure as an opportunity to learn and proof that you push yourself, you can turn failure into success because of what you learn from it. For this reason, paying attention to how you care for yourself is important too and I will look at self-care in another article.

Thank You! Dealing With Compliments

Some people have just as much problem dealing with compliments as others have to deal with criticism. But it’s important to learn how to deal with compliments because they can be a way to build up your self-confidence and start believing what others say realistically.

Say Thank You – When someone goes out of their way to give you a compliment, the best way of dealing with it is to say thank you and mean it. Look them in the eye and say, “Thank You”. This is going to not only go far in giving others a good impression of you, but also help you believe the compliments you get.
Don’t Make Excuses – When someone gives you a compliment, don’t make excuses about why you’re not good enough. You’ll turn that person into a liar and make them uncomfortable. In fact, you mainly teach them not to compliment you at all, and then you’ll start feeling bad about yourself later.
Share the Credit – Sometimes, someone will give you a compliment but someone else deserves it too. The best thing to do at that moment is to share the credit with the other person because that is the truth. Don’t do this unless someone else really is responsible for the outcome, though; you don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Be genuine and real about it.
Mind Your Body Language – When you are getting a compliment, don’t giggle, cover your mouth or slouch. You should look right at the person and thank them with gratitude without feeling awkward.
Don’t Try to Out-Compliment Someone – When someone you admire gives you a compliment, don’t automatically start to compliment them too until it becomes a battle of the compliments. Instead, just thank them. When the time is right you can compliment them too.

Learning to deal with compliments is a good way to build your own self-confidence to a higher place. When you are confident enough to smile and say thank you and mean it, you are doing great and oddly, people will like you more.

Creating A Feedback-Rich Culture

Creating a feedback-rich culture, no matter what type of group or team you’re dealing with, always starts at the top. When the leader or perceived leader of any group shuts down others for their ideas, thoughts, or opinions, it spreads to the entire team and sets the tone of future collaboration. As a leader, it can be hard sometimes to lead a group in a new way with an open feedback-rich culture, but it can pay off in big ways.

Teams that are free to express concerns, present new ideas, and disagree with each other tend to be more innovative and productive – as long as the leader can set the right tone so that the environment continues being supportive. Let’s look at some ways that you can build a safe environment and set the right example and tone.

How to Build a Safe Environment

Let’s look at some direct ways to build safe environments which will create a feedback-rich culture and make the most of everything you can do together as an organization, workplace, classroom, or team.

Make It Safe to Express Emotions – Emotions are a normal human function that shouldn’t be shoved down. Whether it’s a hard to deal with emotion like anger, or a fun emotion like enthusiasm and happiness, all should be free to express them in a healthy way in a feedback-rich environment.

Set Clear Expectations – When you set up a feedback-rich culture, it’s not just a top-down thing even though it begins with the top. Everyone should give feedback and understand how to do it safely, as part of the normal course of the day, along with knowing the goal of sharing that feedback.

Encourage Disagreement – When you have a culture that’s working right, everyone has a right to their own opinion and to disagree. Even the person getting negative feedback can disagree with it. They can even state that they need to think about it. It’s all acceptable.

Learn to Take Honest Critique – One problem with feedback is when you’re on the receiving end of a critique. Whether it’s positive or negative, learning and teaching how to take it properly with respect is an important aspect of creating a feedback-rich environment.

What Tolerance Really Means – When we talk about tolerance, there has to be some form of line, right? Tolerating a difference of opinion is different from tolerating abusive behavior. So ensure that you explain that clearly.

Make Feedback Part of Everyday Life – Feedback needs to be part of your daily life and used in all ways that you communicate in all channels. Making it a complete circle in person, in an email, in surveys, on the phone, and by conference is the best way. Everyone has different styles, and this is going to help.

Share Positive and Negative Feedback – Don’t just share feedback when it’s negative. Some managers like to manage by exception; they’re hands off until there is a problem. This can make you seem very negative. Therefore, start providing feedback that’s good too.

Praise More – In a feedback-rich culture, the positive should always be shared more than the negative. If you sandwich any negatives inside the positives, it will always go over better. It’s like the saying with kids, “Catch them being good 100 times a day”. That way, when you catch them in something you don’t want them to be involved with, it is listened to harder. The main thing is to celebrate success, especially when that success comes due to the feedback given.

Allow Everyone to Set Boundaries – Sometimes, if someone is finding it hard to take feedback, they should be able to stop it. Not permanently. But, let them take a breather when they ask and make an appointment to get back to it after thinking.

Nurture a Learning Environment – Learning and growing is part of a feedback-rich culture. If you keep everyone growing and always learning about their job, other aspects of the job, and communication in general, it makes everyone better.

Build Relationships – When you focus on relationship building and team building in your team, group, organization or class, it’s going to make a huge difference in how people relate to each other in every aspect of their performance.

Be the Example – Like mentioned before, it all starts at the top. Demonstrate listening to and responding to feedback. Show that feedback makes a difference with your policies and your actions.

It really is that simple to set up a feedback-rich environment. It’s going to be a lot better once you implement it. Once you’ve got it set up, anytime you bring on someone new you can offer communication training that will get them up to speed understanding this environment before their feet hit the floor.

Is Your Life Out of Balance?

We’ve all heard about the concept of work life balance, but this is easier said than done. We tend to live in an “always on” society where we are constantly connected to our email, work websites and more. As BBC Breakfast reminded us this very morning people have become increasing addicted to their smartphones with people taking them everywhere (including the toilet!) and checking them every 12 minutes.

Your Work Life Balance Review

It can be all too easy to fall into the habit of working every waking hour just because we have all this connectedness at our fingertips. Then our relationships and our health start to suffer. If you’re wondering whether your life is out of balance, here are 14 signs to look for.

1. You’re Tired All the Time, even After a Full Night in Bed

This is a sign that things are too much for you.

2. You Have a Headache, Backache, or Sore Jaw Regularly

These are signs of stress manifesting itself in a physical form. The jaw ache can be from grinding your own teeth (bruxism), often in your sleep, because you are so stressed.

3. You Spend Far Too Much Time at Work and Not Enough at Home

This indicates that you are a workaholic and could be damaging your home life.

4. You Are Out of Shape/Obese

This is a sign you are not practicing good self-care. You might also be rewarding yourself with food because you have been working so hard, or are so tired that you are falling prey to unhealthy food cravings.

5. You Don’t Have Clear Goals

You are so busy you are being reactive, rather than proactive and working toward a plan.

6. You Struggle with Your Priorities

You need to work, but your family situation is intruding on it in various ways. Or, your family situation is a difficult one which prevents you from working as much as you would like and results in money issues.

7. You Feel Like You Have No Control Over Your Own Life

You want to make decisions for yourself, but still seem to be stuck in the same old rut.

8. You Procrastinate

You delay in doing things because you lack motivation, so that even with the work piling up, you can’t seem to move forward. You might also procrastinate because you are a perfectionist, or because you don’t really feel that what you are doing has any value.

It may also seem that your life doesn’t belong to you anymore.

9. You Sweat the Small Stuff

Any new challenge seems like a huge ordeal, rather than just another obstacle that needs to be overcome.

10. You Are Too Detail-Oriented

You might spend time going over your projects again and again trying to find errors, or adding to the projects so that it barely ever gets finished on time. You need to learn to accept that good is good enough.

11. You Are Disorganised

Your workspace and working habits have gotten away from you. Filing is piling up and emails go unanswered. Your home is a pigsty and is starting to annoy anyone you live with or who comes to visit you.

12. You Withdraw from Others

You start to avoid colleagues, friends and family because you are so busy, and because you feel so stressed about the work you are doing. Instead, you should seek out the right people as a sounding board and support network to get you through the tough times.

13. You Spend Long Hours at the Office and/or Working from Home

You seem to be at your desk constantly, but you’re not quite sure what is getting accomplished.

14. You Are Irritable

If you are moody and irritable, this is a sign that things are not right with your work life balance because you are so stressed.

Get Your Work Life Balance Back!

If you recognize these signs, don’t ignore them. They indicate that your work-life balance is off-kilter. So what are you going to do about it?

In a series of articles on Work Life Balance (click on the link) I look at various ways of getting your life back in balance – but right now what can you do about any of the 14 points mentioned in this article and more importantly what are you going to do?

Don’t Keep Comparing Ourselves with Others

It’s all too easy to slip into the habit of comparing ourselves with others. When we are going for Job Interviews or just in life generally we have a tendency to do that don’t we?

If that is something that you find yourself routinely doing then perhaps it is time to stop! You are different from everyone else. Celebrate that. You offer a unique perspective and set of experiences in life. We should all be thanking you. If you are constantly comparing yourself, it means you aren’t happy with who you are. Why is that?

Comparing Ourselves with Others

Many people are brought up to conform to society we are almost taught that comparing ourselves to others is the right thing to do. They are told that if you don’t fit within society’s norms, you will be looked upon disapprovingly. However, most people aren’t “normal” in the truest sense of the word. All of us have quirks and idiosyncrasies. It’s these differences that make us who we are and allow us to find solutions to problems. It also keeps us from getting bored. Imagine if everyone were truly the same. There would be nothing new to discover about one another.

There are some reasons to conform. For instance, you need to follow the rules and laws of your country and community. Otherwise, you will suffer consequences for not doing so. Also, you want to treat others with respect so that they will hopefully return that respect. However, if you try to act in ways in which others believe you should, you aren’t going to live your life to the fullest.

That’s why we should get out of the habit of comparing ourselves with others. When you do this, you are likely setting unrealistic expectations and these will lead you to be disappointed. Comparing yourself to others will result in you resenting those people. They have their reasons for being the way they are, and it has nothing to do with you.

There are qualities you admire in others. There is nothing wrong with trying to adopt some of those admirable qualities for yourself. However, it shouldn’t get to the point where we are constantly comparing ourselves with others and find we are trying to redefine who you are to be like those people you admire. You aren’t them, and you never will be.

Why We Should Stop Comparing Ourselves with Others

If you spend most of your time trying to be like someone else, you are in for a rough ride. If you stick to who you are and find others willing to accept you for that, you are going to be more satisfied for most of that time you live. Others will be happier with the real you as well. You won’t be a pretender. People see right through that kind of behaviour. Just think about others who are not true to themselves. How long does it take you to see through that disguise?