self-improvement Archives - Page 5 of 5

How Authentic Are You Being? A Series of Reflective Exercises

In my last post here and in a series of posts on LindkedIn I have looked at the issue of “Being Authentic” and living more of the life that we want to.

You can read the posts here: (please note they will open in new windows so that you can come back to the exercises below when you have read them)

There are many benefits to living more authentically, including:

Creating a closer connection between your public face and your inner truths
Regaining your integrity, wholeness
Strengthening relationships
Building connections based on honest communication
Making you more sociable because you will be a lot less self-conscious or hiding behind a facade

This sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? So how can you start discovering your authentic self, either all over again, or perhaps for the first time ever?

We’ve included the following in a separate worksheet or you can answer these on a piece of paper directly from this report.

Here are three sets of exercises that can help:

Authenticity Exercise Set #1: Self-Assessment
Authenticity Exercise Set #2: Success Strategies
Authenticity Exercise Set #3: Learning to Say No and Mean It

Work your way through them in as honest a manner as possible. Use the three plain text files we have created for these exercises to type up you answers, or print out blank ones and use as the basis for a journal to help you work on being more authentic in all areas of your life.

Authenticity Exercise Set #1: Self-Assessment

In what areas of your life do you experience the most disconnect from your true feelings? At work, in your marriage, etc.
What stops you from being authentic in these particular areas of your life?
What will help you make changes in these areas?
What gets in the way of you making changes in these areas?
What is one aspect of your personality that you would like to develop in order to become more authentic?
What is one step you can take today to move forward with your goal in Question 5 that will help you develop your authenticity?

Authenticity Exercise Set #2: Success Strategies

There are six main areas you can concentrate on which can help you become a more authentic person.
1. Express Yourself – Consider different responses and choose the one that is healthiest for you.
2. Accept Imperfection – Realize everyone makes mistakes and it is not the end of the world.
3. Share a Burden – Write a letter; make a call; see a friend so you do not feel so alone.
4. Look Forward, Not Back – Don’t beat yourself up over the past, but take steps for a better future.
5. Face Your Inner Truth – Identify areas where you feel a disconnect and try to make positive changes.
6. Ask for Help – Talk to friends, family, or a health professional.
In looking over this list of six strategies, which area would be the easiest for you to start working on?
What is one step you can take in this area to make a change?
Identify which area would be the hardest for you to work on. Why?
What is one step you can take today in this area to make a change for the better that will lead to you living a more authentic life?

Authenticity Exercise Set #3: Learning to Say No and Mean It

Here are some of the best ways to learn to say no, and mean it, without damaging relationships or feeling bad about your response:

Make eye contact
Use a firm tone of voice
Keep your no simple and brief
Don’t apologize
Don’t make excuses
Don’t worry about being disliked

Keep a journal of your progress in saying no and meaning it, and without feeling guilty about it.

Take the time to complete these sets of exercises, and you should soon see real progress in your ability to connect or re-connect with your authentic self.

Are You Living A Lie?

Here’s a quick quiz for you. Answer honestly. Do you feel:

Like you are constantly hiding behind a mask?
Worried that others will not like you?
That if you say no, you are a bad person and will be letting everyone down?
Trapped in a life that does not seem to be your own?
Like you are always comparing yourself to others, with them on top and you on the bottom?
As if you’re finding yourself not good enough, no matter how hard you try?
Afraid that if your boss, co-workers, spouse or children found out “X” about you, they would never look at you in the same way again?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then the likely truth is that you are living a lie.

You are not the only one. It is an easy trap to fall into and can be a deep and difficult one to climb out of. But the effort can be well worth it if the result is a happier, healthier you.

Reasons Why We Could Be Living a Lie

It seems as if almost from the moment we are born, we have a certain role in the family with a certain set of expectations, both spoken and unspoken. Our family and the wider world is telling us who we are supposed to be rather than allow us to express who we really are. Our parents want us to be happy, of course, but we just might not have within us what it takes to be a doctor or lawyer, get accepted to their prestigious alma mater, or follow in their career footsteps.

On the other hand, our parents might have low expectations for us; maybe there’s never been a college graduate in the family, or they did just fine working in a hardware store all their lives and that should be enough for you too.

We get a range of messages about how we are supposed to do, think, and be. Children should be seen and not heard; we must never waste food; we should always clean our plates. Over time, these habits become second nature to us. However, they are not necessarily healthy or helpful if they lead to, for example, being terrified of speaking in public or being vastly overweight.

When we go to school, we might have a teacher who is never satisfied no matter how hard we try. Or we might be told we are not good at X and so we should not even bother to try. We might be bullied over the way we look, dress, speak, or even for being too smart or too stupid at school. Rather than get encouragement or support from the adults who influence our lives, we are told to ‘man up’ or be more ‘ladylike.’

There are now more opportunities for both men and women to defy traditional expectations, but the truth is that we often internalize various unhelpful attitudes and actions as normal and therefore judge ourselves as abnormal or less than perfect if we wish to live our lives differently.

The peer pressure and parental pressure can soon result in us constructing a mask of the ‘perfect’ child, sibling, spouse and so on. As the pressure builds from outside to conform, your own authentic self begins to feel trapped and miserable, like a caged tiger the zoo pacing back and forth, longing to be free.

If you have been living a lie in order to please others, you owe it to yourself to start taking action to live a more authentic life in which your true self can shine through.

Here and on LinkedIn I will be taking a closer look at how we can be more authentic and true to ourselves.

Are You Living Well? Asking Questions!

For a growing number of people, “living well” is being redefined. Instead of filling your life with material goods and splurging on luxury items, to them living well means living a life that you love. It’s about living your life on your own terms, free from the constraints of having to fit into a predetermined category, career, or lifestyle.

Living well means designing a life that is rewarding, satisfying, and focused on supporting who you are and what you want from this life. Most people come to this way of thinking after finding themselves surrounded by items that don’t really make them happy. They may have the prettiest house, the best car and the latest designer clothes. But if they’re not happy, then it’s not serving them.

A shift is needed and it begins by living well with what you have. This may mean simplifying. It might mean making major changes. Ultimately, it’s about being happier and creating a life that supports you to be you.

Over the next few posts I want to share tips, steps, and ideas to help you start thinking about ensuring that you are living a life that supports you to be happier with who you are and what you have.

The tips are divided into categories to help you organise your thoughts and start in a place that feels right to you. The categories include the following:

Asking questions
Making room
Setting goals and changing habits
Moving forward

So let’s start where the journey to understanding who we are and who we want to be should begin and that is with asking ourselves some probing questions.

Asking Questions

The first step to knowing what you want and who you are is to start asking questions and providing honest answers. Consider grabbing a pencil and paper or a journal and writing down the questions and your answers.

What do you like about your life?

Take a look at your life. Explore the things that you do, where you work, and how you spend your time. Take a look at the people in your life and the items that you’re surrounded by. What makes you happy? What do you love about your life? If you had to prioritize three aspects of your life, what would they be?

Answering this question will help you begin to see what’s important to you. You might discover that some of the things that you love most are things that you spend very little time on. For example, you may love to travel but realize that traveling is at the bottom of your current priority list.

What could you do without?

Now take a look at your life and explore the elements of your life that you could do without. These might be people, hobbies, habits, and material items. You may find that you are surrounded by things and people that you really don’t care for.

Answering this question will highlight the aspects of your life that may be getting in the way of spending your time and energy on things you love.

How do you spend your time?

Do you spend your time on activities and people that you find rewarding and fulfilling? Or do you spend your time on activities that make you unhappy? Chances are it’s a little bit of both. Spend a week or so tracking how you spend your time. You might even document how much time you spend on each activity.

Answering this question will help you begin to see how you can make changes to your life so that you’re able to spend more time on things that make you feel happy. For example, you might find that you spend eight hours a week cleaning your home and you’d much rather spend that time writing a mystery. You can then begin to find ways to make changes to your lifestyle so that you’re supported to write more and clean less.

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Take a little time to assess your own personal strengths and weaknesses. This information will also support you to begin to make positive change in your life. For example, you might know that you are disorganized. You can then take steps to find solutions to help you be more organized, assuming that organization supports you to live a happier life.

What does a perfect day look like?

Imagine your perfect day. We’re not talking about a day being fed bonbons on the French Riviera. That sounds like a perfect day for sure, but it’s not the norm. We’re talking about a normal perfect day for you.

For example, a normal perfect day for someone who aspires to write mysteries might start with an hour of writing, a day at a job they love, and then time in the evening with loved ones relaxing, talking, laughing and reading.

What currently supports you?

Take a look around you. What currently supports you to move your life toward your description of a perfect day? This can be anything from material possessions to people. For example, the person who wants to write more and clean less might be supported by a partner who is happy to clean a little more, or a vacant space in the house might be easily converted to a writing office.

What doesn’t support you?

Taking a look at your surroundings in a different manner will help you see what’s getting in your way. A large house that needs a lot of cleaning may be something that doesn’t support the aspiring writer.

A giant car payment for the person who wants to cut back on overtime and work less is another example. A £20 a week coffee shop habit for the person who is struggling to pay off debt and obtain financial freedom is a third example. You get the idea. What’s preventing you from living your perfect day?

These questions are difficult to answer and it may take you a few days, even a week or two, to answer them all as completely and honestly as possible. Once you’ve answered the questions, you can begin to start making changes to your life.

In the next post I will ask you to take a look at the concept of making room in your life so that you can live well with what you have.