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50 Is The New 30 – Confidence As We Mature

In a meeting the other day the comment was made that “50 is the new 30!” which was a reflection perhaps of how in the space of no more than a couple of generations what we expect of ourselves has definitely changed. If I think back to my own parents at my age then they certainly approached life in a very different way to how we find ourselves behaving, dressing and indeed working today.

That set me reflecting on some of the discussions with “mature” people I have had recently. Some of them also talked about how in the face of the seemingly relentless change they have felt a loss of confidence at times leading some to feel like an “imposter.” I have written about the imposter syndrome before (see here) but in this post I want to look at how, as we contend with the world which expects more of us, we can retain or re-discover our confidence.

In the glossy magazines and on websites we are told that we can do it all and have it all. That can seem quite daunting if you are at a stage in your life where you are struggling with being confident. The reality is that everything is a balancing act, and the best way to stay happy and confident is to make a list of priorities and stick to it.

Who Are You?

When it comes to prioritising, you need to know who you are and what you want in life. With a purpose-driven life, you are in control, setting your goals and taking action to achievement.

There are only so many hours in the day, with one-third supposed to be reserved for sleep, and one-third of your weekdays (usually) reserved for work. However, as a partner, community activist or caregiver to elderly parents or relatives, the work day increases and the sleep often decreases. It can seem almost impossible to find “me time” in which you can relax, de-stress, and work on self-improvement.

Good Self-Care

The truth is that the happier you try to make others, the unhappier you will usually be yourself. You will never be able to take care of others well unless you first take care of yourself and ensure as many of your real needs as possible are met. These include food, rest, money to pay the bills, supportive relationships and so on.

Good self-care is empowering and will boost confidence. You won’t feel as if you are running on an empty fuel tank all the time. Instead, you can give all your important tasks your best effort. You might even have time to take classes online, learn new skills, and more.

Lifelong Learning

You are never too old to learn. Gaining new skills can increase your self-esteem. They might even help you get that promotion or raise you’ve been longing for.

Surrounding Yourself with Positive People

Positive people exude positive energy. You can tell who they are because you feel good whenever they walk into the room. Spend more time with them, and try to become more positive yourself, so you can network with like-minded people.

Do Self-Confidence Exercises throughout the Day

Start in the morning by telling yourself you are going to have a great day. Try a “power pose” in front of the mirror, stretching your arms and leg out as widely as possible until you feel like you are filling the room. Don’t be “small” or think small.

Work physical activity into your day for at least a few minutes at a time. A 10-minute workout session four times per day is just as effective as one 40-minute session, and exercise boosts your energy as well.

Come up with affirmations, positive statements that fill you with energy, such as “feel your power,” “You can do it,” and so on.

At the end of the day, journal about your successes, and what you can do even better tomorrow. Again I have written about the benefits of reflective journals elsewhere (see here.)

Cross Items Off Your Bucket List

Regularly do things you’ve always wanted to do. They will get you out of your comfort zone and increase your self-esteem.

Follow these tips to increase both your confidence and self-belief.

Body Language at Interviews

As someone who is attending interviews as part of my search for a new role as a Learning and Development Professional there’s lots to consider including of course Body Language at interview.

It’s many years ago now that I heard Allan Pease talk about Body Language at a JCI Conference. I do recall that after hearing him speak I became very focused on watching my own body language! However, with the benefit of experience since then I have modified my thinking but it is still an important consideration as long as you don’t become obsessed with thinking that everytime someone crosses their arms they must be feeling negative – they might just be cold or even more comfortable sitting like how.

It’s common to be nervous at an interview. You might be even more terrified to discover that your body language, rather than any words out of your mouth, can have a strong influence on the outcome of the interview. Here are a few quick do’s and don’ts that can help you ace your next interview.

Do: Give a firm handshake.
Don’t: Mash their hand too hard.
Do: Wait to be invited to sit down.
Don’t: Collapse into the chair. Keep everything controlled.
Do: Make eye contact. This shows you are paying attention and have nothing to hide. If there is more than one person conducting the interview, pay attention to each of them for a few seconds at a time. Start and finish with the person who has asked the most recent question you are answering.
Don’t: Stare. It can start to become too intense and uncomfortable.
Do: Sit comfortably, leaning slightly forward. Too forward seems like you are pushy or desperate. Too far back seems to indicated you are not really interested.
Don’t: Slouch, or lean too far forward or back. Sitting hunched forward, or lounging with arms and legs everywhere has the effect of looking a little too relaxed.
Don’t: Be too rigid. Try not to sit like a statue bolt upright in your chair with your fists bunched tightly. Act as naturally as you can considering the formality of this type of conversation.
Do: Face your questioners. This will help you look at each in turn.
Don’t: Angle your body away from them. This looks like you are trying to run away, or can’t wait to get out of there – especially if you are partly facing the door.
Do: Use your hands when speaking. A subtle message of control is to touching your fingertips together.
Don’t: Thrash around like a windmill. It is too distracting and suggests nervousness.
Do: Sit as still as you can while still carrying on a normal conversation.
Don’t: Touch your face or hair. This can make you seem dishonest and untrustworthy.
Do: Keep your shoulders relaxed.
Don’t: Rub your head or neck because they feel stiff. This can give the impression that you are bored or not interested.
Do: Keep your arms relaxed and natural.
Don’t: Sit with your arms crossed. This makes you look defensive and standoffish.

These main do’s and don’ts of body language when you go on an interview can make all the difference to whether you are successful. Practice with a friend, in front of a mirror, or on video, and start sending the right messages with your body language.

Dealing with Competency Based Questions at Interview

As I participate in interviews as part of my search for a new role as a Learning and Development Professional I find myself encountering Competency Based Questions. In common with others I am not a great fan of competency based questions because whilst they can tell the interviewer what you have done in the past they are no real indicator of future performance.

However, there is still competition for many job openings, and whilst interviewers continue to use the competency based approach we need to be able to handle them. The STAR model is one proven technique that can help you frame your responses to this type of question and show off your accomplishments to your best advantage.

This guide is an explanation of the four elements of STAR and how to use this format to answer the competency based questions.

The Four Elements of STAR

Situation: Describe the situation you found yourself in (the context) and set the stage for your story.

Task: What were you faced with? What was it you were being asked the do? What were the challenges you faced? Who were you working with? and what did you need to achieve? You do need to talk about a specific piece of work and not just your general approach to things. Explain the obstacles you worked to overcome.

Actions: Details the actions you took. Spell out precisely what you did to respond to the challenge. What was your particular contribution? How did you organize things? You need to focus very much on what you did and even if you were managing other people the response needs to talk about your actions and not those of “the team” as a whole.

Results: Report the results. Talk about the final outcome and its impact on your company. Specify what you achieved in terms of cost savings, increased customer satisfaction, lower employee turnover or similar measurements.

Additional Suggestions for Using STAR

Tell a compelling story. Try telling your stories to others perhaps in a mock-interview to test how interesting they might sound to a recruiter. Make your language concise and vivid.
Develop multiple examples. If possible, include more than one STAR story for each of the main competencies for your area of work.
Draw on all your experiences. Sometimes, as I have written about before, other areas of our life can provide useful stories. In addition to your past jobs, think about what you’ve done through volunteer services, self employment, or other activities.
Use numbers. Quantifying your contributions strengthens your credibility. Be aware of how much money you helped to save or the percentage increase in sales you brought about.
Be specific: Paint a clear picture throughout your story. Details and particulars are more convincing than generalities.

Whatever your career goals, you are almost bound to face some form of competency based interview, and the STAR model can also be adapted to improve your performance in any behavioral based interview or employee evaluation.

Lessons From My Grandfather

In my last post I looked at how we should Paint Ourselves in a Positive Light when it comes to personal presentation. Now I want to take a look at personal presentation when like me, as I write, you are looking for a new role and being called to interview.

It’s strange how lessons learnt at a young age stay with us isn’t it. My Grandfather was a deeply loving man but he was an absolute stickler for dressing “appropriately” and he expected us all to follow suit. I can still recall the look of shock on my Grandfather’s face when I turned up to a family event wearing a brown suit and his question which was along the lines of “Are you going fishing?”

He very much saw brown as a colour for the country and not something that one would wear anywhere else! How times have changed and I am sure that he would be equally shocked at some of the clothes we wear nowadays. However, that comment from him has stuck with me and I cannot recall ever having worn a brown suit. He always told us that one should dress as if we were about to hear that we were being promoted to the Board.

Even today I still find myself wondering when I check how I look in the mirror before going out “would Grandfather approve?” He was very much in my thoughts the other day when I was attending an interview. I knew from my research that the company had adopted “dress down Friday” however, it would not have occurred to me to attend in anything other than a suit and tie – even if they had said “oh don’t worry we do dress down on a Friday.” When we are attending an interview then we really do need to look at our professional best don’t we?

During a job interview, you spend every moment under examination. There’s no two ways about it. The way you present yourself either leaves your interviewer excited to call you back or eager to put your resume on the bottom of the pile. That being said, keep the following information in mind as you prepare for your next interview… and good luck!

Dress for Success

Many times, your clothing is the thing that gives your interviewer his or her first impression of you. For best results.

Some companies may have a dress code requiring formal business attire, while others choose to keep their dress code more casual. The best way to find out about how a company’s employees dress is to ask. But, if you can’t ask in advance, for me it’s best to dress in a conservative business suit. With a suit and tie I can always remove the tie if it is obvious that I would look out of place! Keep accessories to a minimum, to avoid standing out too much. If your attire draws too much attention, it has the potential to take the focus off of your qualifications and credentials.

Be Confident

Self-confidence is vital when it comes to presenting yourself in a positive way. If you aren’t confident in yourself, how can you expect a potential employer to feel confident in hiring you? The best place to start when it comes to confidence is with a smile. Not only does smiling make you come off as approachable, it also releases endorphins in your body that makes you feel more relaxed.

Additionally, take time to fully prepare yourself before the interview begins. Do a bit of research on the company where you’ll be interviewing. Prepare any documents you may need and practice answers to questions that might come up.

Practice Proper Interview Etiquette

As well as being a stickler for appropriate dress one of the lessons that my Grandfather taught me was to treat everyone with respect from the most junior member of staff to the most senior. Displaying proper professional etiquette can mean the difference between getting hired and being passed over. Offer a firm, confident handshake at the beginning of the interview. Make eye contact during the greeting and when you answer your interview questions.

In addition, make sure to thank the interviewer for their time afterwards. Improper interview etiquette may get overlooked in some cases, but failing to be polite makes you come across as rude and leaves the wrong kind of lasting impression.

While your qualifications go a long way toward landing you a great job, they don’t accomplish the task alone. If you get the position, it’s important to have left your new boss with a good impression right then and there. Projecting a positive image of yourself helps to ensure that their image of you is positive, from the moment you start the new role.

Personal Branding for Job Seekers

Let’s take a look at Personal Branding for Job Seekers. This is the third post in which I have covered the topic of Personal Branding for Job Seekers which gives you some indication of the importance I place on it. For me it’s the start point of the work you need to do in order to secure a new role. I appreciate that when you are looking for a new role you need to keep a tight rein on finances however there is one book which I strongly recommend you invest in.

In her book, Personal Branding for Brits: How to Sell Yourself to Find a Job, Land a Promotion, and Get Ahead at Work, Jennifer Holloway provides very clear, step by step guidance on how to approach your personal branding as a job seeker. She not only shows you in a very actionable way how to create the right brand for yourself, but she will also show you how to use this brand to help you secure a new role. I read her book many months ago and found it invaluable in terms of understanding and clarifying my personal brand. When I was first advised that I was being given notice following compulsory redundancy it was the book that I decided to revisit and work my way through in the early weeks of my notice period. The time I spent working through it was again invaluable as I was able to focus again on what my brand was all about.

Jennifer has a vast experience in the corporate world, and worked hard to create her own company. She has also worked with some of the top-name companies in the world, including Microsoft, Barclays, and Hallmark. Through her career, she taught herself how to use her personality and values to build herself a brand that would push her career ahead.

Jennifer clearly understands that everyone has a brand whether they realise it or not. This brand basically consists of what people are saying about them when they are not in the room. The difference between a good and bad brand is that successful people work hard build their own brand, rather than let others build for them. In essence, you can let people conceive a picture of who you are, or you can tell them who you are yourself.

With this in mind, Jennifer provides step-ty-step guidelines to help the reader understand what their own personal values, drivers, goals, and plans are, as well as, to realise what their current reputation is and what they want it to be. She guides readers to use this valuable information to customise an actionable personal branding plan for themselves that will help them “find a job, land a promotion or get ahead at work.”

In her book, Jennifer teaches you everything you need to know about Personal Branding for Job Seekers, how to get ahead in your career, such as interviewing tips, how to pitch yourself for a contract or job, how to attract new clients and how to maintain the clients you have. Her tips will help you learn how to promote your personal branding, and highlight just what you have to offer, without sounding arrogant or unlikeable.

Jennifer describes the approach to creating a successful brand for yourself as being able to tell people who you are, what skills and experience you bring to the table, and to showcase just what makes you different, in a better way, from everyone else. Essentially, explaining to them why they should choose you.

Through reading Personal Branding for Jobseekers, you will not only learn about exceptional personal branding strategies, but I am sure that you will also see a boost in your confidence and a growth in your personal development. You will learn how to enhance your personal branding capabilities in a variety of mediums, such as voice, phone, voicemail, email, meetings, presentations, pitch speeches, interviews, resumes and CVs, and social media networks.

In recommending it as a “must read” book Personal Branding for Job Seekers I am confident that you will not be disappointed with what this great book has to offer. It has received rave reviews from its readers, many claiming that the book helped revitalise their career. The main benefit of this book over some other self-help books on the market, is that it does not just tell you what to do, it shows you what to do. The book includes clear and understandable guides, tips, exercises and steps that show you exactly what to do to move your career to the next level.

You an read more about the book here:

In the UK – Personal Branding for Brits

In the US – Personal Branding for Brits