I Am Scared and That’s Okay!

I am scared and that really is okay! As someone who writes/blogs a lot I have really struggled to write over the past few weeks as we have seen our country and indeed the world respond to Coronavirus and the associated Lockdowns.

That has really troubled me because I have always found writing a great way of thinking things through and very enjoyable. I have challenged myself over the past few days to find a way through this “writer’s block” and write something! The more I have pondered on it the more I have come to realise that there is an article I need to write and this is that article.

“I am scared and that’s okay” is the perfect title for the article because it sums up exactly how I have been feeling and continue to feel.

Back on 1st April I made the first attempt to write something and whilst I would never claim to be a poet others thanked me for my poetry! The words I wrote and subsequently created a screensaver for my computer were:

It’s Okay.

It’s Okay to be scared
It’s Okay to want to Scream
It’s Okay to want to cry
It’s Okay to just want it all to go away

It’s Okay to be You
It’s Okay to do what is right for you right now
It’s Okay to Hope

It’s Okay because We Will get through this!


It then took me until 20th April to make my next attempt at writing something and I focused on the fact that there were days when all I felt like doing was crying. That was to produce another piece of what people have been kind enough to comment was very vulnerable poetry.

I cried this morning
I cried yesterday
I will cry tomorrow

I cried for the brave
I cried for the suffering
I cried for those lost to us

I cry because I care
Crying means I can know the joy of a smile

I smile at the little things
I will smile broadly because this will be over.

I am not ashamed to admit that over these weeks I have felt very scared, anxious, worried and at times both angry and tearful.

I have felt scared each day that my partner has had to go out to work to ensure that keyworkers children have a safe place to go whilst their parents carry out their roles of caring for us, ensuring basic services are provided and ensuring that there is food available on our shelves. Whilst they have to go out very early I have been ensuring that I have been up before they leave so that I can kiss them before they go and to urge them to drive carefully and stay safe. The world outside the safety of our home has come, right now, to feel like somewhere to be wary of.

After they return from work late morning we go out for our Daily Walk to ensure that we get some exercise. We are so fortunate to live in a beautiful part of the world; the traffic around us is minimal and as well as looking up and admiring the amazing architecture we can also listen to the birdsong. However, strangers coming towards us as we walk initially felt like an unwanted threat but as we or they have crossed the path/road to keep socially distanced the greetings; the shouted “it’s nothing personal;” the acknowledgement and thank you especially from our more elderly neighbours have bonded us together in a different way.

Those small gestures, those snatched words as we avoid one another give me hope, thinking of them as an unwanted threat has proven to be unwarranted. As we emerge from this (and we will!) I hope that those small gestures of kindness and acknowledgement will travel with us into our “new normal.” It will be okay! There will a new way of working, behaving and operating as we learn to live with Covid19 and whilst we may remain physically distanced from one another we will be sociable.

I mentioned that at times I have felt anger. That anger has come from hearing reports of people who seem unwilling to behave in the way that this Lockdown has required us to. I am sure that some of that anger has been misplaced because we are all grappling with a very changed set of circumstances and all of us are feeling the strain at times of being “confined to barracks.”

Some of that anger has been about those who wilfully seem to be interpreting the instructions to “Stay At Home” in whatever way suits them and therefore putting others at risk because they are selfish. I soon came to realise that when you are dealing with that sort of person you can do very little about it. It is outside my control and all my partner and I can do is to follow the instructions and do our very best to look after ourselves and those we love and care for.

Over these past weeks the tears have certainly flowed. They can be prompted by many things but as I tried to explain with my attempt at a little poetry on 20th April 2020 they come because that is who I am and they do give way to smiles.

So yes I am scared and that’s okay!

We will come through this; We will emerge into a different world when the time comes; We will learn to live with this horrible virus.

We will, I hope, take the opportunity to Build Back Better; to create a world where every single person has value not because of what they do but because of the simple fact they are a human being!

So yes I am scared right now as so many of us are and that is absolutely okay! In fact I wouldn’t expect anything else of anyone. But it will be okay because in the words of Captain Picard we will “Make it So!”

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